My mental health struggles started in 2016 and worsen in the following years. They were triggered by family issues that I had swept under the carpet for years. I was religious and believed in the karma system.
I valued my belief and taught my children to be kind to others in thoughts, actions, and words. But I often asked myself what did I do wrong in my past life. It seemed no matter how good a life I tried to live, I was always repaid with unkindness. Sadly, this happened most frequently at home, which was supposed to be a safe and loving place.
On two occasions, I was at breaking point and cried for help. I wanted to make a change to Christianity as my religion provided no answers to my problems. I couldn’t accept all the hurt I experienced despite trying my best to live a good life. However, I was exhausted by mental and physical issues at the time and did not pursue the faith. At another point, I was mentally pressured to the extent of breaking down and suicidal thoughts crossed my mind. But the thoughts of my two young children and parents made me give up those suicidal thoughts.
Over the next few years, my mental health deteriorated further and I was stricken with anxiety. These continued until in May 2020, I took steps to move out of my unhealthy home environment together with my children. I thank God that our family did not fall apart through those trying times, and we still had a family nucleus.
In Aug 2020, I was about to lose my temper when I experienced an indescribable peace that overcame my anger. I had never felt such peace before in my life. I simply could not get angry. I was unaware at the time that my husband had started his journey into Christianity. He was already seeking and praying to God on behalf of the family. Out of curiosity, I started asking him more questions about the faith. We had multiple conversations about Christianity and my husband was able to answer many questions I had.
Sometime later, my sister who is a believer visited me. Amazingly though she never knew of the conversations about Christianity I had with my husband, her sharing about the faith contained the same answers! I was shocked! She shared a Christian video with me and I was moved to tears watching it. I felt so touched by the reality that God is real. I was overwhelmed with emotions and I felt God literally touched my heart.
I realized how wonderful and loving God is. He relentlessly showered care and love on me, despite how lost I was. He assured me of His love in so many different ways and occasions. I finally returned and disposed of all the idols I used to own, as God had shown me He is the only true God. Around Sep 2020 God helped me make the most wonderful and beautiful decision of my life, which is to follow Jesus. Thank you for your patience in reading my testimony about how Jesus became my Savior.