Well, today if you're here, we're not going to talk about Punggol. Uh...if you're here today, our sermon series will resume. The sermon series on 'Focus on the Family'. And in particular, if you are a lady here, this message is particularly relevant for you. So, today we are going to look at wives, what it means to be a godly wife. And as is customary, we will begin with a little video clip, testimonies of some of the wives here in GLCC.
(Video Played)
Alright, so this is our 'Focus on the family'. This is our 5th message, by the way, in this series. We began some time ago and we looked at the purpose of marriage. To many of us, we think marriage is about pleasure, companionship, about offspring, or sex even. But the Bible tells us of a higher purpose, a higher rationale. And that is: Marriage is supposed to be a portrait, marriage is supposed to be a reflection, a depiction of the love of Jesus Christ for His church. That's why we came with this statement: ‘Marriage is where Mystery of the gospel…’ (the gospel is the good news of Jesus Christ loving and dying for His church)....marriage is where the mystery of the gospel ‘...becomes majesty through the couple.’ The husband and wife relationship is supposed to manifest the love, is supposed to tell others about the love between Christ and His church. We also realised that in this marriage, it's not an easy one, because marriage is also where I can become THE REAL DEAL. You see, God wants you to grow. God wants you to be a...a better man, a better woman. God wants you to be more like His son. And the best discipleship environment, whether you believe it or not, or realise it or not, is your family, is your marriage. This is where the rubber meets the road, this is where you see your sins; this is where you see grace that is so necessary, this is where you grow. And that's why marriage is where I can become the real deal; it's a paradigm shift. Because so often in marriage, we are always wishing: He changes, she changes but have you ever ask yourself? Maybe marriage is where I need to change. It’s where you can become the real deal. Now because marriage is tough, because this is where two sinners living together will have lots of conflict and friction, therefore, we also looked at the very sad but real scenario in many marriages. And that is divorce and remarriage- where the colour fades away, where the excitement goes off, and where families and marriages are breaking up. What does the word of God have to say about divorce and remarriage? So we looked at that last week.

0:04:09.3 But we began this whole series with this statement, isn't it? “Marriage is really, really tough and only Jesus is enough!” If you're a Christian today, I believe in your marriage journey, you'll find this to be more and more and more true. If you're not a Christian today, you do not know Jesus, I... and you're struggling in marriage, I say to you, your hope is not in counselling, your hope is not in some mediation by some great psychologist. I think our hope is only in Jesus Christ. Because marriage is really, really tough and only Jesus is enough. So those are the four messages we've looked at. Today, I'm going to apply it more to the ladies. Now and that's why we're going to look at the godly wife. Now this is a message that may be tough for wives. And...I was… right after the sermon in the first service, someone said to me: “Pastor, the husbands owe you lunch.” But I also did tell them this is going to be fair in a sense because this week is about wives, next week will be husbands. So someone also told me, “Pastor this week the husbands owe you lunch, next week they owe you punch.” (Laughter from congregation) However you want to take it, this is a message that I hope to encourage all our ladies here: that you'll be godly wives, that you'll be great wives. Not just because of your husband but for the glory of God. Remember, marriage is supposed to be a portrait, it's supposed to depict the gospel between Jesus and His church. The Bible tells us, “An excellent wife who can find? She's more precious than jewels.”(Proverbs 31:10 ESV) It's a beautiful thing! It's a beautiful thing! And God is saying, “An excellent wife, who can find?’’ So rare but it's so important, so precious. [There are] many great wives here, but the purpose of this message is to enable you to know what God has to say, so that you may trust Him, to be an even better wife and that your homes, your marriages will be even better. So that God will be glorified through our families. So this is the desire of Gospel Light Christian Church that our Christianity will not just be lived on Sunday mornings, but our Christianity will be seen in our daily lives, beginning at home.
Now the world however, doesn't have a very optimistic view about wives. The world in general, doesn't look very well upon marriages. Why do I say that? Because there are diagrams like this. (Diagram shown) That this is the symbol for marriage. 0:06:50.6 International symbol for marriage is where the husband "kowtows" (Dialect word meaning ‘bow down’) to the... wife. And she has control of the credit card, finances, the husband is to submit to the wife. I do not know about your family. I hope it doesn't look like this. But this is the way the world sees marriages. Umm, what about... this? (Another diagram shown) Sometimes you think that this is what marriage is about. The wife clobbers the husband, controls the husband. Have you heard them saying? "Er...Before a man is married, he is incomplete. But after he is married, he is finished." (Laughter from congregation) That's how people see it, isn't it? You’re done! Why did you get married? Your life is gone! You're changed! And you know the caveman role is reversed. In modern day society, often times, er... I read this... ‘God made the earth and rested, God made man and rested. God made woman and since neither God nor man had rested.’(Laughter from congregation)
Wow...the wife is always telling the man to do this, to do that...ye....errr! It's not easy! It's not easy! But today, we're hoping to break free and to live an alternative, different lifestyle that is not like the world, but will confront the world and show to the world what is true and beautiful. And so, we're going to look at the godly wife.
Just as the worldly wife is about dominance and control, the Bible teaches us that the godly wife is the exact opposite. And this may take your breath away, but it's true! The godly wife submits to her own husband. This takes your breath away ladies, because I know you don't want to do this. This is not what is appealing to you. This is not what immediately says "Wow, I want to be a submissive wife!" That's not your response. But that is what a godly wife is all about. Why do I say that? The Bible says in 1 Peter, chapter 3, these words: "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the Word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewellery, or the clothing you wear – but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obey Abraham, calling him lord." (1Pet 3:1-5 ESV) So 1 Peter Chapter 3 gives us a little picture of a godly wife. These are the words that describe her: She subjects herself to her own husband; she's respectful; she's gentle; she's of a quiet spirit; she submits; she obeys; she calls him lord.
0:10:09.3 So, what's a godly wife? Very simply, a godly wife submits to her own husband. Notice, the Bible doesn't say: “Wives, submit to every man.” Nope! This is a very specific submission, only to your own husband. But this is it: That wives are to submit themselves to their own husbands. That is a barometer of your godliness, that's what it is. You say Pastor, "What is the meaning of ‘submit’? If I'm to be a submissive wife in order to be... to be a really godly person, a godly wife, what does it mean ’to submit’?" But the word 'submit' is a military term. It's a term that means to rank yourself under. Imagine a corporal who ranks himself under an officer. It's a Greek word "Hupotasso", which means to put yourself under the leadership of another person. It means you support, you respect, you obey the person who is set over you. And so a wife submits herself to her own husband, in a sense she obeys him, she respects him, she supports him. This doesn't mean, by the way, that you are inferior to your wife, er... to your husband. Because the Bible equally tells us, or clearly tells us: There is neither male nor female, Jews nor Gentiles, bond nor free. We are all one in the Lord Jesus Christ. But this is about order in the family and God has determined that the wife's role is that of a helper, supporter and the man's role is that to be the leader, the provider, the protector. So she submits herself, in a sense she ranks herself under, to support his leadership, to cheer him on, to respect him and to obey him. This kind of submission is very beautifully seen in the way the church is to submit to Jesus Christ. Remember? Marriage is to be a reflection of the gospel. So how a wife submits to her husband can be seen in the way the church submits to Jesus Christ. Therefore I say to you, the definition of ‘submission’, the best way I can give to you in a simple way is this: ’’Submission is doing all you can to affirm and honour your husband's leadership.’’ Because this is what the church does. The church does all we can, why? To affirm and honour Jesus's leadership. And that's what submission is all about. It's not just passivity, meaning I just sit around and wait for my husband to tell me what to do.0:13:00.4 No! Submission is doing all you can to affirm him, to honour him, so that he may lead your family in the way of the Lord. See, the Bible says: “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands” (Ephesians 5:24 ESV). Wow, this is really tough! Submit in some things can lah! Submit in finance, maybe. Submit in holiday plans, maybe. But submit in everything? Absolutely! That's the way the church is to submit to Jesus. That's the way wives are to submit to our own husbands -in everything.
So submission is doing all you can, to honour and affirm your husband's leadership. Take it a little step further. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:34: “But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to...please her husband.” Wow! Because I thought I always have to fight with my husband. I thought I always have to be the opposition party, to...to put him down a bit, so that he's not so proud. No, no, the bible says you are to please your husband. That's the right thing to do. You're honouring and affirming his leadership. It means that you recognise his needs and seek to fulfil his needs even before he tells you to. That's... that's what the spirit of it all entails. Wow! So what is a godly wife? A godly wife is someone who submits herself to her own husband, meaning she does all she can to affirm and to honour his leadership. She looks out for his needs and meets those needs proactively, even before she's asked. How many of you think this is easy? OK, husbands don't raise your hands! (Laughter from congregation) But how many of you feel that this...how many of you ladies think it is easy? Can I see by a show of hands? It's easy to submit to your own husband the way you're supposed to? Can I see? Anyone? Wah...this is scary! Absolute zero! Anyone at all? In the first service there was one hand. Second service, anyone? How many of you feel it's easy? OK, so almost universally, nobody thinks it's easy! It's hard! Let me ask you, why is it so hard? Why is it hard? Look at your "Ah Lau" (Dialect word meaning ‘husband’) by your side. Haha (laughing)...look at your husband by your side, alright? And...and think about it...why is it so hard to submit to my husband? Can you give me some reasons? (Response from congregation) OK, it's because we are innately selfish, we want to go our way and it's never easy to follow someone else. Good! That's one reason! We're selfish, we don't like to be told what to do. We don't like to do what others want and not what we want. Any other reason? Or the wife might...might be smarter right? She might think of things better... (Response from congregation) rarely? But ok...haha (laughing) (Protest from congregation) It does, ok, it does. Yes, she is smarter, wiser, more detailed, more careful, she has thought things through... much more completely. That's true! So, it's hard to submit because you know that you know better. OK...or at least you think you know better. Any other reasons? 0:16:32.3 Maybe he is unreasonable. You all don't dare to say, because you look at your husbands. Maybe he is unreasonable, he's foolish, blah...blah...blah...blah...blah... and all those are valid, potential reasons.
But let me tell you something. Let me tell you why it's so difficult for you ladies to submit to your own husband: not only is it because sometimes you know better, not only because he's flawed, he is unwise, he's foolish, not only because we are innately selfish, but a reason given in the scripture is that you are designed to be like this. You believe that? You...in other words, God has determined that it will be tough for you to submit to your own husband! You say, "Where in the world does it say so?" But let me turn you to a passage right in the beginning of the Bible, in the beginning of time, to Genesis chapter 3. The Bible says: "To the woman", He says, "I will surely multiply your pain in child bearing, in pain you shall bring forth children." This is the reality, alright? By the way, every time you hear a woman scream in a labour ward, it's a reminder to you about the effects of sin. Arrrgh (scream)... everytime you hear that, it's God saying to you, that's the effect of sin. Because if your little doggy at home gives birth to a litter...is it called a litter? A litter of pups? A litter right? OK, my English not so powerful. Yeah... if your… if your dog gives birth to a litter of puppies, the dog doesn't say "Owww....oww..." It doesn't. It has no such sounds. It… it is silent. In fact, you may be sleeping when the... when the puppies start coming out. Neither do you hear pigs, oink, oink, oink away as they give birth. So, in the animal kingdom, nobody suffers like the woman. I mean, this is a vivid, graphic reminder, each time you hear labour pains, it's a reminder of the reality of sin and the curse of sin. But at the very same breath, God said to the woman, "I will multiply your pain in child bearing, in pain you shall bring forth children." You can't escape that. Of course, we bypass that by epidurals and so on today. But besides that, “Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you.” Now reading this verse superficially, you might think God is saying: Huh...this is the easy thing for you to do. When you're married, it is easy for you to submit to your husband. ”Your desire shall be for your husband.” Now actually, that's not the right way to read it. Why? Number one, this is in the context of cursing, this is not in the context of blessing. The effect of the curse, the effect of sin is that child bearing will be difficult and submission to your husband will be difficult. 0:19:36.8 See, this word 'for' can equally be: “your desire shall be for your husband”; can equally be “your desire shall be against your husband”. And the right way to interpret this, is again given to us. One of the principles of Bible interpretation is using scripture to compare scripture. So this exact phrasing and words is used in Genesis 4. Just about twenty over verses later in Genesis 4, verse 7, it says: Sin is crouching at the door, so sin is pictured like an animal, like a beast, towards Cain. Its desire is for you, and you shall, you must rule over it. The picture is that you must be careful, Cain, watch it! Because sin is like a beast, waiting to pounce on you! Its desire is for you. It's not to submit to you, its desire for you is to... GET YOU! Same phrasing, bring it back to Genesis 3:16: “Your desire,” Your desire… you are now like the beast, you know, (Laughing) in a sense, “you shall be for your husband”, not that you want to submit to him, but you want to get a grip on him. In essence, what it’s saying here is that, “You shall desire to control your husband.” So, this is the curse, you have pain in child-bearing, and you shall desire to control your husband. And he shall rule over you. This is the beginning of the battle of the sexes. That's why it's difficult. That's why women, generally, general ah...general, please don't kill me after the sermon today…but women in general are more controlling. You have a desire to control. You control your budget; you control your rice; you control your diapers; you control your milk powder. Everything’s got to be very controlled. You control your husband's finances, you control the details. Husbands generally are less controlling. They are a bit "bo chap"(Dialect word meaning ‘can't be bothered’), ‘just ok lah, can one lah, it's alright’! But you control. And, and that control especially is over your husband. That's why you want him to submit to you his credit card. See, it's rooted in the curse. That's why it's so difficult for you to submit to your own husband. It's wired in you. It's wired right now. And you got to recognise it.

0:22:09.4 Therefore, submission to the husband is not an easy thing. How can I submit to my husband? If...if this is my nature? Or rather my fleshly nature. Why would I submit to my husband? That's why we come back to that statement: “Marriage is really, really tough and only Jesus is enough!” The only way, the only reason, the only power that enables you to go over this...nature that you have’ is when you are living in the life that Jesus wants you to live. You're walking in step with Him. When you have Jesus in your life, then you can start to submit to your husband. Notice this is the formula and the instruction given in the Bible. It says in 1 Peter 3:5, “for this is how...” you say… “What is so special about the holy women?” Well, they submit to their own husbands. That's what sets Sarah apart. Now, what's...what's enabling Sarah to submit to her own husband? The answer again, found in this text, is that “these holy women hoped in God.” The reason why they could do it is because they are not having their ultimate security and satisfaction in their own husband. Sure, God gives us tremendous joy and blessing in a marriage relationship. But the women of those times knew better than to hope in their husbands alone. The Bible distinctly tells us they hope in God, they find their strength, their rootedness, their security in their great God, therefore releasing them and enabling them to submit to their own husbands. You say, "Pastor, you don't understand. How can I submit to this creep! This guy is terrible! He doesn't work, he doesn't help out in the family, he’s so irresponsible! He...he…he's just horrible! How can I submit to such a man! My life would be ruined if I submit to him! I must fight him! Indeed, sometimes I must kill him!" Well, don't hope in your husband. Hope in God. The fact that he's an incompetent leader, at least in your own estimation, doesn't mean that you can abdicate from your calling and responsibility to submit. The Bible doesn't say “Submit to your wise, competent, capable, smart, super godly man...husband”, No. “Submit to your husband,” period. Even if he is unsaved! Even if he is not a Christian, even if he does not obey the Word. The Bible says: “Win them with your respectable and pure conduct.” No release clause. It's about the spirit. Another verse you may look at is, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." (Ephesians 5:22) If it had ended "Wives, submit to your own husband", full stop, you may find it a struggle. But Paul in Ephesians says "You submit to your own husband as to the Lord." He's saying this submission to the husband is an act of worship. You submit to your husband because of God. Because of God! 0:25:44.3

Therefore, if you're not a Christian today, it's hard for you to have a worthy motivation and reason to submit. But if you know Jesus Christ today, who gave His life for you, who submitted His life on the cross to save you, who don't deserved to be saved – that's all the motivation we need. It's when we see Jesus' love on the cross for me that I can now willingly sacrifice and submit myself to my own husband, even though he's a creep. Because I do it unto the Lord. It's an act of worship. And by the way, this phrase is taken after Ephesians 5:18, which is "Be filled with the spirit". In other words, you're walking in the Spirit. It's only when you are submissive to the Holy Spirit, then all these can become a reality. So what I'm saying here is this: What is a godly wife? A godly wife is very different from a worldly wife. The world's idea of a wife is that she must be dominant, she must be in control, she must... she… is like the husband is the head and she is the neck. She moves... the husband moves only when she moves. She must be in control. This is the way the world see it. But the Bible paints for us a very different portrait of a godly wife - she is submissive. Even though it's so difficult, because the wiring in here, in her is that she… wants to...she wants to exert control. And this is only possible by the power of the Holy Spirit. It's only possible when the...when the woman knows the gospel and lives out the gospel. Now, what does it look like if you were to submit to your own husband? I know all these is preamble. Coming to the practical part. “Ok, Pastor, so what does it look like if I'm to submit to my own husband?” What the Bible says: “Let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesian 5:33ESV) What a woman needs is love, right? What a woman needs is love - time, attention, affection. But what a man needs, of course, there's always that balance, you also need love, but what a man really needs is..? Can you say that word with me? What a man really needs is...? Respect! That’s right. You believe or not? The wives almost like… can't believe it. Now, let me say this, it's easy for you wives to love your husbands. I’m not saying it’s easy...it's relatively easier for you to love your husband when he's sick, when he's in need, you show love, you're so caring, you're so affectionate! But you know what? Far more imp...important than showing love and affection is to respect your husband. In this book, ‘What women need to know about men’, the author went for a survey of some 400 guys and the results state that 74% of the guys that she interviewed said ‘’I would rather be unloved for the rest of my life than to be disrespected for the rest of my life.’’ What they are saying: three-quarters of men are saying ‘’I want respect! I need respect more than I need... in a sense your caring touch of love.’’ In another book, ‘His needs, her needs’. ‘’Behind every man should be an’’...notice this word: ‘’admiring wife’’. Didn't put ‘’loving’’. More so, ‘’admiring’’. Do you remember a story in the Bible about David and Michal? Michal is David's wife. David was coming back, he had a triumph. He was able to bring the ark of God back to Israel. And as he came back, he was dancing, he was really celebrating. Jews are very expressive people. And the Bible tells us, ‘’Michal opened the window, saw David dancing. In a sense he was not in his kingly robes and gowns, he was just like any ordinary worshipper. And when she saw David in that state, the Bible says, ‘’she despised him.’’ And as far as we know, according to the Bible, that's the end of the marriage. I don't read of Michal ever since then, with David. And maybe that's the picture -- when we start to disrespect our husband, it deals a death blow to your marriage. Because the husband needs to be respected.

Can I ask you a question? Have you heard about office romance? Adultery in the office? Why is it that adultery takes place so rampantly in the office? It's a common thing. Why? Anybody knows why? Ok, a man has a respectable position in the office, most of you do, yeah? And so the point is that... (Response from congregation) ok...so he has respect in the office but when he comes home, he is discredited. 0:30:58.3 Er... first service, someone said, ‘’they...they have office flings, because there are sweet young things…er... in the office...’’ That's true. Alright, that's a... that's a physical reason to why there are cases of infidelity in the office. But at the very same time, what Sam said is also true. Picture this...your husband, generally, here are people who have good jobs outside. And when you are in the office, you're seen as the capable guy, you're the go-to person. People respect you, and so people say "Wow, thank you for doing such a great job!" and "Wow, we're really amazed at how you could do this!" And you...you feel good, because that’s how you are wired, you need respect. You need people to...to respond to what you've done and you're so happy with yourself. Then you go home, you sit down and your wife says "Why you like that?" (Laughter from congregation) "Huh, why can't you see that I've a lot of things to do? Huh, can you please get your butt off the chair? And go and clean here, clean there!" And you start to direct your husband around and "You...you always forget one lah!" “You're terrible!" And do you realise the kind of world that your husband steps into? He goes to the office, he gets all kinds of affirmations from sweet young things. (Laughter from congregation). Now, he didn't really start off with a desire maybe, to have a fling. But… but... day after day he gets all the affirmation there and then day after...night after night, he comes home and he...he says "Here we go again!"0:32:32.2 What is this all about? What is happening? I mean…we weren't like this! When we were 'pak-toring' (Dialect word for ‘dating’) ah, I'm a… I’m a hero, you know? Everyday she's talking about me. Everyday! So sweet! But now, what's happened? And before long, his heart goes to where he gets his...now I'm not saying this is an excuse for men to fall in adultery. No excuse whatsoever. Next week, I'll talk to men about men and you can give me a punch then. But today I'm saying... don't talk about the men first, talk about your responsibility. Wives, this is for you wives! Are you fuelling that? And failing to affirm and honour your husband's leadership? See, the Bible tells us, women know it. Actually, unmarried women know it better. Huh! It says in Proverbs 2, “So you will be delivered from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words,” (Proverbs 2:16 ESV) Interesting! Because generally I thought men are very visual creatures, isn't it? True? Men generally fall in love with their... eyes. Ladies, with... words. But here you see, eh? How come the man is won over with the adulteress using smooth words? Ah... because he is getting what he needs! 0:34:05.1 Affirmation! Respect! Even though these smooth words are lies. Just flat-out flattery! But doesn't matter, he gets that. Proverbs 7 says, “With much seductive speech she persuades him, with her smooth talk, she compels him.” Wow… you know why? Because deep in the wiring of your husband, he needs respect. So if you're to submit to your own husband, you respect your husband. What does it look like? To respect your husband? What does submission, what does respect in marriage mean?

Let me say to you, 5 things it doesn't mean, then I'll say to you 5 things it possibly can mean. 0:34:50.8 These are more applicatory. These are more practical. So it's not like 5 cardinal truths. These are the expressions of it. So first of all, what does submission in marriage NOT mean, alright? What does it not mean? First of all, let me say this, it means if you are to respect your husband, don't do this, alright? Don't ever do this! Act like his mommy. (Laughter from congregation) Men cannot take this. Now this mommy nature in women is very beautiful when applied properly to kids. But when you misapply it to your husband, who may be older than you and bigger than you, it's just weird! And it really… the...you know when you mommy your husband, do this, do that, do this, do that, don't forget this, don't forget that, you're just...just commanding your husband all around. You know what? You're not allowing your husband to lead! So you sit there and said: I wish my husband would do more. I wish my husband would lead more. You know why he's not doing all that? He already knows there’s a commander at home. "Gao Liao" (Dialect word for ‘enough’). Don't need to fight. She... he understands the man may have his will but it's the woman who has her way. He… he doesn't fight. And so when you mommy your husband, that's the end! That’s the end. And the… there's this story that goes: When you go to heaven, there will be two lines of husbands lined up, alright? One line will be all the submissive husbands, the other line will be all the dominant husbands. So when you go to heaven, you'll realise that the line of submissive husbands is so long you can't find the end of it. Then when you look at the other line, you see only one man standing there. And this one man is… doesn't even look dominant. He's skinny, scrawny, small and so you ask him: "Eh, why are you standing in the dominant husband’s line?" He says, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here!" (Laughter from congregration). I tell you [in] many homes, now, the husband is the CEO, general manager, some consultant somewhere. Then when he goes home, he's ordered around. You just kill him! Often times, we see men hard-hearted, cruel, wicked, do this to the wife. But do you realise that in a very subtle way you undermine him and that's why your marriage is eroding away? You act like his mommy! This is the exact body posture we see all around.0:37:38.8
A second ‘no no’ I say to you is: You undermine his decisions. What do you mean by “You undermine his decisions”? Whenever he makes a decision and it turns out wrong, you say, "You see lah! You see lah, you see lah, you see lah, you see lah! You see lah, you see lah! You see lah, you see lah!" Everytime you say "You see lah!" minus one point, alright? You see lah, minus, minus, minus, minus, minus and after a while your marriage is gone! You see lah until you… you "Si" (Dialect word for ‘die’) lah! (Laughter from congregation) And... and when you do that, you, you don't allow your husband to lead. Now, I put this picture up, between George Bush and Laura Bush, because I find something very admirable in this woman. She says, or she says this, “I would never do anything to undermine my husband's point of view.” Remarkable! In conversations, she would choose not to undermine her husband's point of view. In decisions, she would choose not to undermine her husband's point of view. I'm not sure whether she can succeed all the time. Maybe that's not the point. The point is this is in her mind! This is her principle of life. She's not going to undermine his decisions. 0:38:54.6 You know, men have their own quirks. If you're not a man, you're a woman, you don't understand men. It’s… for example, when we drive, we hate to use the map. I don't know why, but I... I also like that! I don't like to use the map! I mean I do not know where I'm going, I do not exactly know where it is...but you know I’d rather drive around than to open a map. And... and you may be like that. You don't like to open the map. So you get lost. So, along the journey of getting lost, you hear the "You see lah, you see lah, you see lah, you see lah, you see lah, you see lah!" It...it's just...Waaaahhh..... what's up?!!! Where's the wife who has a quiet... (Laughter from congregation) quiet spirit, alright? Quiet and submissive spirit. I'm not saying you can't say, "Dear, maybe we should have checked it." You could. But the way you say it is important: spirit of submission.
Number three, a third ‘no no’, 0:39:55.4 is that you answer questions for him. You know, I see this sometimes. Not all the time, but I see this. And a couple is sitting there, the wife is a little bit more vocal and...and er...outgoing. The husband...(Pastor acts like the husband with head drooping).. you wonder why? I mean... why would they get... why were they married in the first place? The husband like that, the wife is gregarious and so on. And so when you ask the husband something, the husband don't reply one, you know? He knows he doesn't have a chance to reply. (Laughter from congregation). And so he keeps quiet. And the wife will heerrrrr….. so excitedly and when you say, “Ok, ok er... thank you, I want...I want to hear from him, I want to hear from your husband.” The husband looks up with a little bit of hope. (Laughter from congregation) And then she says, “Oh no no no, he doesn't know this very well. I'll...I'll tell you.” And... I see this in couples in church! And then the wife is saying, “I don't know why my husband won't serve more, I don't know why my husband won't do this more. I don't know why my husband won't speak up more.” You know why? You! You are always answering questions for him, because you think you know better. Subtly, subtly. Diagnosis? No respect. ‘He can't make it. He can't even talk for himself. Let me do it.’ 0:41:14.0

Number four, a fourth ‘no no’ is...oh by the way, (Pastor shows quote) “I haven't spoken to my wife in eighteen months - I don't like to interrupt her.” Maybe...that's something you can work on in your family, alright? Make sure your husband has an opportunity to speak. Number four, another killer and ‘no no’ in marriage is: you criticise and nag him constantly. The Bible has something to talk about nagging or say about nagging. Nagging is like the roof that is leaking. Tok...tok...tok...tok...tok...tok...tok...tok, for a while it's ok lah. But you tok, tok, tok for a long time, it's really irritating lah. So what happens? Scenario again: you are respected in your office, you are the guy, people love what you do, and then you come home, you sit on your sofa and the tok, tok, tok, tok takes place. I mean it's like auto-mode. Come back sure "kena" (Dialect word for ‘get it’) So you tok, tok, and so what you do? You go to your nirvana. You go to your own realm of...er... "ji le shi jie" (Mandarin word for ‘paradise’) you know. Paradise... alright? You go to the realm where you just shut off. “I don't hear the tok… tok… tok.” (Laughter from congregation) You just read your newspaper, you just ignore everything you do. And she's "Why can't you listen to me?!! Why can't you hear?" You know why? Because he is already gone! (Laughter from congregation). He's in another world. Because nagging is not going to work for your husband. You can't mommy him around! Now please, you can remind your husband in ways, sure, put him in remembrance for necessary things, that's fine. But nagging is not going to work. It's not! And by the way, nagging is not just criticising, nagging is not just what you say, it's how you say. "Don't know what's wrong with you! Always forget one! Useless! Don't know what happened to your brain today!" You heard that before? It's not just what you say. It's how you say it. You can say the same things with a respectful spirit. And I tell you, you probably achieve your target better than if you nag and you criticise. 0:43:30.0

The fourth killer...or the fifth killer is: you discredit him before others. Wow...this one, if the “You see lah, you see lah, you see lah, you see lah” minus one point, minus one point, minus one point, this one, minus fifty points. (Laughter from congregation) One time, if there are fifty people, one shot fifty points gone! You are talking in a group and then suddenly you say something discrediting to your husband, something derogatory towards your husband. You know what? "Bo bin liao, xiao liao!" (Dialect word for “lose face, in deep trouble”) Wah, all your face don't know where to put already! Wah, the husband wah...that's it you know! Again, it's not only what you say, it's how you say. “Hai... he's useless one lah! Never do this one lah! Never, never, never, never…” and then you wah... everybody hears that... wah your husband like that. And when your husband sees all that’s going on, you've just killed your marriage. And by the way, discrediting may not be open blatant discredit you know, it can be a very subtle one. In your care group, in your church, “aiyah...pray for my husband lah, he very stupid one lah...” (Laughter from congregation) “everytime, everytime never do, nev... please ah... pray for him, please pray for him.” (Laughter from congregation). I think should pray for you ah, more than for your husband. Can be very subtle- ‘I'm sharing my woes, sharing my problem.’ No, no, no, no, no, you are discrediting him. And be careful, you can discredit your husband before your children. It doesn't help your children, by the way. ‘If that's the way mommy treats daddy, what kind of authority is that? Don't care lah!’ What kind of example will we be leaving? And when your husband knows that, woe...that's it too. So, I say to you, these are the five practical commonly occurring scenarios that can kill your marriage. And er, that's why we say often times, marriage failures take two hands to clap. You say how? Well, in all these ways. So, what do you do? I've said what we are not to do but can I share with you what maybe you can do.

Number one, pray for your husband. 0:45:47.5 You see, this is not obvious to most of us. No, not us, most of you ladies! This is not obvious, because your idea of submission is just passivity. But have you thought about this? Pray for him daily. Thirty-one days of prayer for your husband. Yes, pray for your husband. After the first sermon today, there was a lady who came up to me and said, she gathered her care group and she said “We...all the ladies in the care group, we have banded together and say we will start praying for our husbands, thirty-one days.” It's a choice. I know you need to talk a lot, women. I mean studies show you generally need to talk more, er...and the reality is if the husband works in the office , he alr… he has already finished his quota of words, so when he comes home, he doesn't really need to talk or want to talk a lot. But because you may be a stay-home mom, you have a lot of things to say. You want to nag him. Maybe convert your words to prayer. It may be more helpful to him. So pray for your own husbands. Number two- can I suggest to you- show him you appreciate him, tell him that! Show him that! You know, it's so natural for you during your courtship to appreciate your boyfriend. “Wow, my boyfriend ah, basketball player leh!” “My boyfriend very smart one leh!””My boyfriend ‘si eh’ (Dialect word for ‘very’) handsome one leh. Look like the Korean what, what, what lah.””But this is my boyfriend ah!” Then after marriage, he "bo eng eh" (Dialect word for ‘useless’) lah. (Laughter from congregation) It's just dramatic you know. After you wear the ring, you got "Jing Gu Zhou" (Mandarin word for ‘curse’) or whatever. (Laughter from congregation). It's like... you...you are changed! You're different. 0:47:30.6 I don't know why, but after marriage, you lose respect for your husband. But show him you appreciate him. Tell him that! Maybe you should, you should start practising it. Tonight, tomorrow, whatever, go to your husband and say, "Dear, I really, really appreciate you and I am proud of you!" And then he asks you "Why?" (Laughter from congregation) Please be prepared! Otherwise you minus another fifty points. But show him you appreciate him! It can be simple words or in this picture, it's actually about a lady who, who...er prepared lunch boxes for her husband everyday and in the lunch box, she takes, she writes a simple note to encourage her husband, saying, "To my superman, with all my love”, “To my husband now, you looks so handsome today and always". Wow, “To my husband with all my love!" "Sorry, we are out of words." Ok, that one not so good! (Laughter from congregation) Ha...but in general the positive, affirming stuff that...just let your husband know! Show him you appreciate him!

Number three, respond to his loving advances with enthusiasm. 0:48:54.8 Sometimes, women use physical intimacy as a weapon. If you're married, you understand what I mean. Blackmail! Tool in your hand. To what? To what? To do what? To...control! Women are great at controlling! Financial controllers, human controllers, they are great controllers. That's your nature! But true respect and submission is to respond to his loving advances with enthusiasm. We'll talk about this more in the sermon in about two, three weeks’ time, about sex and marriage. But this is one way. Number four, affirm his leadership. You...by the way, when you submit to someone, it doesn't mean you keep quiet, alright? It doesn't mean you say, "Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full!" No! A good supporter to the husband is someone who offers alternative views, challenge thoughts in a respectful way! That's key! You know, I think many of you today are strong women. Because you work outside, you have careers and you're so used to ordering your subordinates around. You asked your ‘Ah boy’ to take this, do that, do this, do that, and so when you go home, you also want to control your husband. Maybe your PSLE and your 'O' level, 'A' level [scores are] higher than your husband’s. You think you are smarter, so you are used to ordering him around. But whilst you order people in the office, please don't order your husband at home. He’s not your office boy. He's your husband. And in the husband-wife relationship, you must affirm his leadership, support him. Don't look like this at home! Don't look...your marriage shouldn't look like this! Your marriage should look like this! It should. It's the way it's designed to be. Because this is the umbrella of protection for you. This is God's order. The man is to be led by Christ. And the woman is to be led by the husband. And that is the shield of protection. God's zone of sweetness and blessedness for you. So please, affirm his leadership. Don't play tug of war with him all the time. Don't play opposition party. Just... you just like to make things difficult...you know...like I said, there's one thing about helping him refine his thoughts versus trying to be difficult to challenge him. It's a whole world of difference. So affirm his leadership. And lastly, I say to you, do all you can to help him succeed! What a great philosophy here! To support your husband, to affirm his leadership, do all you can, not to get what you want, alright? Help him succeed. That's being a blessed wife. That's the description I can see in Proverbs 31. She's not passive, she's absolutely proactive, she takes care of the family, she does things well. The husband call her blessed. I, I pray this for GLCC. I pray for all of you to shine as godly wives. In a world that doesn't believe in godly submissive wives. The world tells you stand up for your rights! The world tells you to fight for your desires! The world tells you, go against your husband! The Bible tells you submit to your husband, from your heart, unto the Lord. And you know something? When you do this, such a beautiful thing, because the Bible says, “Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.” Modern day women are excellent in adorning on the outside! I mean you buy the most expensive clothes, all kinds of jewellery hanging like that. And you colour your face, everything…perm your hair. You can do all those stuff! But you know what, they are all perishable! They don't last! In eternity, and most of all in God's sight, what is most beautiful is the gentle and quiet spirit which is only possible through the spirit of God! That is what God wants to see. By the way, that’s what your husband wants to see. And that's what the world needs to see! And it's your choice, to be what kind of a wife you want to be. “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands.” You say, “Pastor, but my husband is an unbeliever, he doesn't know Jesus, he doesn't even listen to the Bible.” That's fine! Share with him the gospel but if he's not willing to listen, then keep submitting to him. “So that they may be won without a word by the conduct of the wife when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” (1Pet 3:1,2)

0:54:11.3 There is amazing beauty and power in the way you live out your life as a wife. You know what? Your… your marriage here is for a moment. Fifty years? Sixty years? But God wants it to mean something for eternity, to reflect Jesus and His church. Can you imagine the kind of homes we have today? If wives learn to submit to their own husbands, how beautiful it would be! Alright husbands, you owe me lunch this week. I know I owe you a punch next week, but be merciful to me. The whole goal is to help us, whether wives or husbands to live out the gospel, to live out the love of Jesus Christ more and more. I say this last week, to all our friends here. You do not know Jesus. All that I've spoken, it seems so high and lofty and impossible. It is impossible until you come to know Jesus Christ, until you taste of His love and his willing submission for you. When you experience it, you receive it... when you turn from your sins and receive Jesus into your life. Then you can begin to live in a supernatural way. After all, a godly wife is someone who has known God. And I pray for each one of you to know God through the gospel of Jesus Christ! Let us all bow for a word of prayer together.

(Prayer) This morning, this is a very simple message and I just want to give you maybe a minute or two right now, to respond to God right where you are. I'm not going to ask you to raise your hand, I'm not going to ask you to stand forward. I just want you in the quietness of your heart, right where you are to reflect upon the Word that is preached today. For you wives, I encourage you to look back to the cross of Jesus. You submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. The amazing thing about God is that He gave his Son to die for you while you were unworthy. You may deem your husband unworthy, that's not the point. We do it unto the Lord. It's tough! It's really, really tough, but believe this: Jesus is enough! Maybe today you're here and you do not know Jesus. You're wondering about how we can live this kind of a life? It begins not with being a good wife, it begins by believing in Jesus. So that He can change your life, from the inside out! Maybe husbands, I want to share a word or two here. You may have enjoyed the message tremendously. But would you pray for yourself to be receptive next Sunday? Would you pray for your wife right now? Because it's not just about getting her to do what you want. You're praying for her so that she might become the woman God wants her to be. So, right here, right now, whatever you need to do, whatever you need to commune with God about, I encourage you to do so, in the short time we have. (Music played in background) Father, we thank you this morning, for the Word of God that is given. Bless it to all our hearts. Make us rooted and grounded in the gospel of Jesus. So that out of that, we can live out the gospel, the Christian life, to glorify you. Heal our homes, bless our homes. Bless each lady here. That they will be the excellent, godly wife you want them to be. Pray for each family, that we will be sending forth the aroma, the sweetness, the fragrance of Jesus and His gospel. May Gospel Light Christian Church not be a church that is just speaking the gospel, but we'll be living the gospel every single day, unto your glory. Help us God! We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.