But the incident only led me to see God as a problem-solver. I never thought that I needed to be humbled and to “die” to self. I never saw my old self as unworthy. I thought I just needed some upgrading not a full makeover. I never came before Him thinking I am broken and needed his help. When he answered prayer I would gratefully make empty promises only to have my passion for Him die shortly after.

I started to rely on my willpower to achieve works that made me feel more accomplished as a Christian. I believed this was what God wanted me to do, after all, I was following His word more closely. But this was entirely from my own limited perspective. I never asked God what He wanted from me or what His plans were are for me.

The turning point came on 6 Jul 2019 when I truly realized I needed Jesus in my life. Up to that point I had enjoyed working out because it lead me to a healthier lifestyle. I worked out very hard, not realizing this was because I wanted to look good. This unhealthy mindset led to me losing significant weight, to the point my mother and friends took notice and asked concerningly about my appearance. As I reflected, I realized the world’s view of what is beautiful and acceptable had warped my fitness journey and made me deviate from what the Bible tells me.

That evening at Gospel Light Youth Service, the words of the song “Christ is Enough” spoke to me like never before. God made me realize that He loves me despite being unworthy and imperfect. The words “a broken and contrite heart God will not despise” (Ps. 51:17) were truly internalized that day. I experienced God that day and I was down on my knees before Him.

Today, although I still battle old sin, I rely on the Holy Spirit to enable me and equip me to recognize and overcome them. I am learning to ask God for His plans in my life so that I may be a reflection of my eternal Father in this world.