Chen Xi


Chen Xi:

I grew up in a traditional Chinese home where love was not taught or expressed. My father had always desired to have a son and my mother disliked his extended family, leading to frequent quarrels. As such, my mother placed all her hopes on me; She would punish me for any mistake made, or anything that went against her will. I found myself attracted to girls, but I do not know whether it was borne out of hatred toward my father or my own rebellious nature.

My mother discovered my same-sex attractions and it shattered her hopes; she went into depression and left the home not long after she was discharged from the hospital. We had no idea where she was, so I went to live with my paternal grandparents. As a lesbian, my heart had no peace and my relationship with my family soured.

It was during my time in university that I heard the Gospel for the first time. I was very touched by a Christian teacher who baked her a cake for my birthday. Since my mother left I’ve never celebrated my birthday. I had hated myself for being born into this world, but the cake from this teacher warmed my heart. I started going to church and listen to the preaching of the word of God. I began to find joy and peace but was not ready to be a believer because of my same-sex attractions. I felt so sinful, the greatest sinner of sinners and that God is far away from me.

I arrived in Singapore last year and was homesick for the first 3 months. I had no friends, no family, and was not used to the food and language barriers. After praying and waiting on God, I finally met a Christian friend in Singapore. We went for a bible study together and she connected me with her Care Group. I got to know other Christians and attended Saturday services with them. They showed great generosity to me to go so far as to let me stay in their home. For the first time, I felt I have a real family in Singapore.

I want to be baptized now because I am ready. I’ve repented of my former life. Although I may struggle with same-sex attraction. I don't have to act on those desires. Christ alone is as my refuge, rock, and deliverer. He is my shield, the horn of my salvation, and my stronghold. (Psalm 18:2)