Although I grew up in a Christian home, for 18 years of my life, I never really read the Bible, nor did I think about God's existence. I prayed and went to church only to follow my parents, but never took it seriously.
At school, I struggled to balance my leadership positions and my studies. But the stress from home and school overwhelmed me, and I turned to self-harm. Often, I had thoughts of committing suicide. I struggled with these thoughts for years and often, I felt like I was fighting demons in my mind. Even then, I didn’t reach out to God.
In 2018 I had this sudden urge to start reading the Bible on my own. There was this sudden desire for me to know God and His Son, Jesus Christ. One morning, on the way to school, as I sat on the bus, I confessed my sins and prayed for forgiveness.
In the past, I struggled with blasphemous thoughts as I read the Bible, questioning it more as I read. I felt like a Pharisees who had only evil in their hearts. Often, I cried feeling guilty for these thoughts. But I prayed numerous times daily, asking God to reveal himself to me and not allow my heart to be hardened.
God answered my prayers and brought me to Gospel Light. For the first time in my life, I found myself surrounded by a group of firm believers and started attending the Young Adults regularly. I've never talked to my Christian friends from school about my faith, but in the YA sessions, I've managed to share with them. Slowly, through the sessions, my doubts were cleared. The more I read, the more I felt like God was speaking to me.
My life has changed a lot since I've accepted Christ. I’ve found peace in God, and I feel His presence in my life. He has given me healing and I've even talked to members of my family about anger and resentment I used to have towards them, but have since let go of. Moreover, I've managed to confess to my dad things I've done and things I've kept hidden from him.
Now, I turn to God in prayer for almost everything in my life, be it happy times or stressful times. In times of sadness or worry, I turn to God in prayer, rather than trying to harm myself. Only with Christ has this relationship with God been possible.