Letter to a Friend Dating an Unbeliever


Letter to a Friend Dating an Unbeliever

Dear Chloe,

It’s been my joy to journey with you since you accepted Jesus as Lord. I’m amazed at how swiftly two years have passed and though a young believer, you’ve already blessed the church with your gifts in humble service.

It is however with anguish, but with much love and prayer, that I’m compelled to write my concerns. I know it upsets you that I’ve not shared in your heart’s elation since you started dating Darin. My probing about his salvation and faith has been resisted by your emotional answers of, “He has a good heart” or “He’s open to Jesus”.

Darin is a good guy, but a ‘good heart’ by society’s standards, still falls short of God’s holy standard. Have you thought about how God views his sinful state? I guess you already know this, but are you justifying his ‘good’ as the care he shows your family and friends, or how he treats you with respect and doesn’t take you for granted? These are indeed good qualities in any boyfriend. But is your hope anchored in a perfect gentleman or in our perfect Savior?

Darin seems open to the gospel, in so much as his visits to church and our small group is concerned. Your desire to see him saved is a good one, but it is not God’s intent for that desire to compete with His ultimate will that believers should not be yoked with non-believers. The deceitfulness of our own hearts will make us dangerously conclude that our love interests will eventually be saved, when there is simply no guarantee of it.

I know it pains you to see couples finding love, or getting engaged. But don’t let the fear of loneliness and the false whispers of romance coerce you into a relationship. Dating an unbeliever, hoping that ‘love will find a way’, is to have lost your way as a believer. Godly dating makes marriage its goal, but dating an unbeliever makes romance an idol.

Proverbs 27:6 says that, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend…”. Difficult as it is to read my words, I hope you will receive this letter as a loving act of concern. I am praying that your love for Christ will overwhelm your hopes in the empty promises of romance. God will never leave you or forsake you. He may not always give us what we want, but what He wants is always for our best.

Your sister-in-Christ,