Dear Hui En,

I want to encourage you that you are not alone in the struggles you’ve shared. Marriage is glorious but it’s also a hard sanctifying journey. God designed it to teach us about joy in Jesus. He knows our emotional needs are complex, and no earthly relationship can fully meet them. Your problem of unmet emotional needs however, can only worsen if you don’t address it with your husband and the Lord.

You shared at length that you’ve felt ‘blessed’ by the close friendship of a married co-worker. His concern and willingness to spend time with you has rekindled happiness in your life. I want to caution that we are all vulnerable to affairs and these feelings of affection can escalate. Our sinful nature has a way of creating the most absurd justifications when we are ‘in love’. We may conclude our romantic feelings are a sign that God is giving us another chance at love with someone else. But to mindlessly surrender to these emotions, is to have been seduced by the powerful idols of romance and life-destroying lust.

Maybe the hope of renewed love and satisfaction in the marriage seems hopeless, and you believe you deserve happiness. Maybe you think you’ve given your husband the chance to meet your needs, but he refused. So why not have the affair? I pray you will turn away from this self-pity and plead with God for clarity and holiness. However attracted you are to this man ask yourself, “Is your spiritual legacy worth destroying for momentary sin?”

The allure of an affair will only turn vile in your mouth like taking a bite from a poisoned apple. Consider the spouse whom you will betray. Consider the pain he will experience. For my friends who uncovered affairs in their marriage, they describe the pain as comparable to the trauma of the death of a loved one. The pain of infidelity is suffering that takes years to recover from. The damage is a gaping life-long spiritual and emotional wound.

Hui En, please confide in God and in the man you made your wedding vows to. Ask God to bring to mind the blessings of marriage. Ask Him to renew your desire for purity and satisfaction in Jesus. The best cure for dissatisfaction in marriage is ultimately not a perfect spouse or another man’s arms, but in knowing Christ. When we have tasted and seen that He is enough, we will flee the lies of false joys.

Your Sister-in-Christ,
Beverly