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09 Oct 2016

Forgiveness : The Secret to Relationship
  • Topic: CHRISTIAN LIVING, FAMILY, LOVE, SPIRITUAL GROWTH, SPIRITUAL LIFE

Overview

Song of Solomon 6:4-8:4 Forgiveness : The Secret to Relationship Pastor Jason Lim 09 October 2016 "A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. ” Marriage is hard and we can become resentful and bitter towards our spouse. But don't let bitterness destroy your marriage (or any relationship)! God's word and His Gospel points you to a divine source for forgiveness today. Discover how you can drink from this source and purge the poison of bitterness in your life!  

Song of Solomon 6:4-8:4
Forgiveness : The Secret to Relationship
Pastor Jason Lim
09 October 2016

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Sermon Transcript

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Let me start with this picture, it's a picture of the famous music composer Beethoven. Everyone must have heard of his name, but nobody really knows how Beethoven died. Anyone knows how he died? Well, nobody really knows, and in 1994, there were two Americans who sought to find and discover the cause of his death. Somehow they managed to get a sample of Beethoven's hair, don't ask me how but they got a sample of his hair, subjected it for some chemical analysis and they found that there are excessive levels of lead in his hair.

Now, I'm not sure nobody really knows whether that is the cause of his death, but there are high levels of lead in his hair. He really suffered from abdominal pains, depression, headaches before he died anyway. But the question then is, how did that lead, high levels of lead get to his body. Some people think it may be the fork he uses, some people think it maybe the plate he ate upon, some people think it may be the fish that were contaminated in those days, or maybe the wine he drank there were high levels of lead to sweeten the wine. No one knows how, no one knows why but if it be true that there are high levels of lead, it got to him, slowly, quietly, but surely, and maybe caused his death.

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I think it's something that illustrates the power or the danger of bitterness in any relationship. Bitterness is that, like that toxic lead, it gets to you slowly, quietly, but surely will kill your marriage. You know how it is in marriage, right, you, you're married, you thought your spouse is going to satisfy you in every area but he or she disappoints you. You get upset with him or her. You get angry, resentment builds and bitterness flourishes or festers in your soul and if you do not deal with it, it accumulates with time and soon it kills your marriage.

Some of you are single here and you don't quite believe what I say. You say, no lah, marriage is supposed to be happily ever after, no, it's not happily ever after. There are lots of opportunities for anger and unhappiness to grow. In fact, someone said it this way, marriage is like a pack of-or a deck of poker cards. Say, why is marriage like a deck of poker cards, they say because, before marriage you need a heart to love and a diamond to marry, but after you're married then you need a club to hit him and a spade to bury him. That's what marriage is to some people and to many people, I want to kill him, I want to kill her, I can't believe he did that again, that's bitterness for you and it can really eat up your marriage.

Now some of you here who will say, Pastor, this sermon is going to be irrelevant to me because I'm not married, I'm single, so can I switch off now, I say no, don't switch off, because this is about relationships and you may not be married, but you may be bitter against your parents, you may be bitter against your colleague, you can be bitter against your friends, you can be even bitter against members of the church. So I think the principles here would still be helpful for you.

So, that's the question we have, bitterness, will it eat up a marriage, destroy and ruin a relationship? And that is certainly the question we have, when the Shulamite last week we learned rejected Solomon. Solomon after a long night came back home and wanted to be with his wife. He knocked on the door, the Shulamite then says to her, to him, why should I wake up, I had put off my garment, could I put it on again, I have bathed my feet, how could I soil them.

So in essence she said, no to him, rejected him and he turned away, grieved in his heart and when she came to herself and realised that was wrong, it was too late, he had already gone and she couldn't find him. So we are left on the left in a sense on a cliffhanger scene, what will Solomon do, is he upset with the Shulamite, is he going to be angry with him and that's the question the woman, the Shulamite must be thinking to herself, will my husband forgive me, or will he hate me, she doesn't know, but she knows where to find him.

So she goes to the garden where they first met, where they shared their love. She goes there and I think she must be wondering what will he say to me now when we meet. So it's very interesting when we see the first words Solomon would say to her after the rejection, in Solomon or song of Solomon Chapter 6 and verse four we would expect him to say what, say what, what would you say if you're the husband, how dare you, this will teach you a lesson. Maybe that's what you will say alright but look at what Solomon says he didn't scold her a bit, but he said, you are beautiful as Tirzah, he didn't say, you are irritating, you know.

We would have said that, I might have said that, but Solomon has no tongue lashing to give to her, but he praised her. He showed his appreciation and admiration of her, he said, you are beautiful as Tirzah, one of the cities in the northern kingdom of Israel. My  love, lovely as Jerusalem, both the North and the South you are beautiful, awesome as an army with banners turn away your eyes from me for they overwhelm me, O, just looking at you makes me go dizzy, he says. He  goes on to say, your hair is like a flock of goats. Now every time we read this, we laugh but he, he's describing how beautiful her hair is, black and wavy hair. Her teeth are like er shiny bright, there's no, no teeth, no tooth missing, symmetrical, not bogeh (colloquial for no teeth), your cheeks are like half of a pomegranate, there ruddy and rosy beautiful there are many women, beautiful queens and virgins and concubines all without number, but my dove, you, my perfect one, you are the only one, the only one of a mother pure to her, who bore her. The young women would see you and call you blessed or see your mother and call her blessed, the queens, the concubines would praise her and who is this who looks down like the dawn, beautiful as the moon, bright as the sun, awesome as an army with banners.

So it is remarkable, he doesn't scold her or make her feel bad or give her the cold treatment, cold shoulder, silent treatment, but he cherishes her, warms her, lavishes his praise upon her. Shocked, amazed would be what the Shulamite would experience. You see, she says, I went down to the nut orchard to look at the blossoms of the valley, to see whether the vines have budded, whether the pomegranates were in bloom. She says I went down to check.

Now please understand she's not checking agriculturally alright. She's not there really to look at the crops, or the fruit, that will be so out of context, but this is poetry. She uses agricultural pictures to describe whether there is still love, whether there is still  the flourishing of romance in the relationship with her husband. So she says, I am here to check if our love is still strong. I'm here to check if you still want me and she said, before I was aware, my desire set me among the chariots of my kinsman, a prince. So she says, in essence, I am absolutely overwhelmed, I am amazed, I'm swept off my feet by your, by your passion, your admiration of me and and I'm so honoured. That's what she before I knew it, before I was aware, you've swept me off my feet.

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Now, as this beautiful scene unfolds before us, you know how it is, there is the, the man, the lead actor say these words then the, the, the lead actress says, O, I'm, I'm so in love with you. I'm so thankful for that, then the choir comes and sing and the choir sings, Return, return oh Shulamite return, return, that we may look upon you. So there's a beautiful story and scene of reconciliation, of passion and love and mutual admiration again and she says, and the choir says that the Shulamite is so attractive, she draws the attention of everyone like a dancer, the way a dancer would move. And now King Solomon goes on, he doesn't stop with his praise, he is very generous with his praise. He says, how beautiful are your feet in sandals, even her feet are beautiful, O, noble daughter, your rounded thighs are like jewels, this one you better don't say today aah, not the most appropriate description for beauty today, but he says your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand. Well, he continues to describe everything about her, from the navel to the belly,  the breast, the neck, the eyes, the nose, the head, the locks, the hair, that is.  He describes everything and he goes on to say how beautiful and pleasant you are, your stature, your breasts, your breath and your mouth like the best wine.

She picks up on that description, your mouth is like the best wine and she says it goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth , I am my beloved's and his desire is for me.

So you can imagine this love song right, to and fro and now she is saying in a new way, I'm giving myself to you. This is not the first time she says, I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine, but this is the, this is I think a deeper expression of that now. First time was before they were married, now, after their marriage and after they had this little conflict or difficult situation she says, oh I love you even more. You see that? That is what this scene is showing us and she goes on to say, come my beloved let us go out into the fields and lodge in the villages, let us go out to the vineyards and see whether the vines have budded grape blossoms and so on. This is not agriculture, this is romance and she says there I will give you my love, giving of herself entirely to him once more, the mandrake's gave forth fragrance. Mandrakes in the Bible speaks of a kind of aphrodisiac, linked to romance. I think you can learn of that in Genesis so I think the imagery here again is about romance and beside our doors are all choice fruits I laid up for you, O my beloved, this is romantic language, I, I labour to emphasise that.

0:11:53.9

Then she said something a bit weird, she said Oh, oh I wish that you were like a brother to me, who nurse at my mother's breasts, because if I found you outside, I will kiss you and none would despised me.  Now in those days, PDA is not allowed, PDA, you know what's PDA? Not personal digital assistant, PDA is public display of affection. So it is not so appropriate for a husband and wife to kiss, kiss, kiss outside, you want to do it, do at home. That's what they say. But it is proper for siblings to demonstrate affection for each other. So she's expressing this desire, I love you so much I wish I could do it on the public but we can't so I wish well, at least you're my brother. So this is not promoting incest but just an expression of how much she loves him.

I will lead you and bring you into the house of my mother. She who used to teach me I will give you spiced wine to drink, the juice of my pomegranate, this is a picture again of romance, love, very graphic pictures here, his left hand is under my head, his right hand embraces me, O, daughters of Jerusalem, I adjure you do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.

By the way, I have done in five, ten minutes, read through two chapters in song of Solomon, song six verses four all the way, to song eight verse four, but I don't want you to miss the big picture. You see there are many details there, but the big picture is this, she feared that he would not want her, be bitter against her, hate her, resent her, but the magnanimity by which Solomon loved her, his grace towards her, his lavish praise poured out upon her, overwhelmed her.

And now she is touched by that love and she gave of herself even more to Solomon. And this is the turning point before I was even aware, I mean I didn't expect this, I'm absolutely blown away by the way you love me.

So this brings us to the fifth scene in the song of Solomon, not just mesmerised by you, not just meeting with you, not just marrying you, not just missing you, but now I am maturing with you, our love is maturing together.

The key to maturation of love is not the absence of conflict but the strengthening through conflict and that's what she has expressed. And how do you strengthen, well the only way is to forgive, you love in a magnanimous way, unconditional way and when you love your spouse that way, your spouse sees that love and is touched by that love and love in return in a deeper way and that's how your love strengthens, your marriage grows, your romance matures.

Now, I know what you're thinking right now, you say pastor, this is so unreal, where got after I quarrel with my wife or after my wife is mean to me I look and I look her in the eye and say I love you, where got like that one. We usually don't look at each other, we usually look away from each other. We are so upset with, aiyah, you don't know what he did aah, we usually so angry with our spouse, so upset that it's almost impossible to imagine a scene like this or the previous scene that we've seen.

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It's true right, the wife forgets to switch off the lights for the seven hundredth time, he threw the socks again on the bed even though I told him many times. He, how could he say that about me? How could he say that to me? How could he be so mean? And, and there's so many provocations in marriage that could cause us to be unhappy, disappointed, resentful and bitter.

The worst part in marriage is that it happens over and over and over again and you know how men react, you know how men react when they are unhappy, they don't talk about it. Most lah, most, I'm not saying all men, but most men after they are upset they don't talk about it, they just shut down, because they're trying to control their emotions, they trying not to express their anger, they are angry, but they are trying to suppress it, almost like trying to keep a beach ball underwater. You know how it works, you keep it underwater the water, but after a while, it will bloop, come up with a vengeance and that's why you go into a nasty argument, you keep and you suppress, you think you can control emotion, but the next thing you know she does something bad again and that's all the trigger that is needed, an explosion takes place and you shout at each other, you scream at each other, then she starts to cry, then you go and watch your TV and your marriage is a mess. That's the anatomy of how marriage breaks down because you think you can suppress that bitterness, you think you can control that emotion.

Someone said this, the reality is we married sinners and that reality makes marriage hard. Again I say to you if you are someone who has not been married, and you say, aiyah, this sermon irrelevant my, marriage always be good one, I'm such a godly man, she such a godly wife or godly lady, we will have a, it will be a breeze to be married. You sinners, of course you have difficult marriages. No, no, you are a sinner and no matter who you marry, she might look like an angel but she's a sinner and marriage will be difficult.

And so there is always this danger of bitterness and bitterness can be very destructive. Someone said, bitterness is like a small crack in the windshield of your relationships. Small crack, you might say it's okay but if you read on, it might look insignificant, insignificant on the surface, but left alone, it branches out and continues to split until the glass shatters into a million pieces. Not careful, your marriage can shatter into a million pieces.

How many of you would drive with a windscreen like this, you wouldn't right, because it might look like it's holding up, but all you need is another rock to hit it and it can shatter totally and so our marriages today sometimes can be with this spider web of cracks and we think we can cope with it but it may not. So are you saying pastor, are you, Jason are you saying your advice for us today is avoid conflict, is that what you're saying? No, I say no, I think there will be the most unrealistic sermon ever. I don't think that's what the Bible is talking about, God is not saying avoid conflicts in your family because you are sure, you're bound to have conflicts.

The message today is not to avoid conflict, the message today is what do you do, how do you respond when there are conflicts. I'm not saying if there are conflicts, I'm saying when, because you, you will have conflicts, what's your response. See, Solomon and the Shulamite had a problem, she rejected him. But look at how Solomon would respond, I think the Bible gives us clear guidelines of how we are to deal with such temptations, to be bitter and upset and resentful.

I like this picture because this verse we often forget where it can be applied to, it it it applies to a, to a couple, of course, left hand drive, not quite right, but never mind. Refers to a couple and look at the wife, absolutely unhappy. It's very strange, most arguments take place in a car for those who drive and those who are married, you might understand what I mean. Somehow for no good reason in the car also can argue, in fact most jialat (colloquial for very bad ) one and if I may say, most of the time, it happens on Sunday morning. On the way to church aiyah you again late lah, you see lah, pastor going to scold us huh, and, and it adds to your stress and the marriage relationship and you start to quarrel and fight and and then you you smile when you get in but after that you drive home again going to be black face.

Well, it's for sure you have conflicts even on Sunday morning. The question is what do you do with these conflicts. the Bible tells us in your anger do not sin. In other words there's a kind of anger that is appropriate and there are also angers that are not appropriate, but besides that, you also need to know that you are not bear grudges and harbour resentment and bitterness, because do not let the sun go down upon your wrath, maximum 24 hours. Don't let it stew, don't let it seethe, don't let it fester, don't let it time to get bigger and bigger and bigger.

So you will be offended, you will be disappointed, there will be conflicts, but don't let your heart be the space by which bitterness would grow.

You say, pastor, this so difficult; yes, it's difficult. In fact, the standard is very high, in the the same passage you all play Angry Bird right I, I can't find a Pokemon one it's OK, I found Angry Birds so let all the Angry Birds go, let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice, put that all away.

You say, but this is so difficult. This is so difficult, it's easy to talk in theory, but if you have someone in your mind today, think of someone you hate alright, now.

Maybe it's your spouse, it may be your boss, it may be your friend, may be a neighbour, there's someone here you said, wah, for me to release all bitterness and wrath and anger, that's very difficult.  How can I forgive him, how can I forgive what, do you know what she did to me, impossible, you say. Well, I say yah,  I know it's difficult but that's what the Bible says. Pastor, come on, there must be another reason or power for me to access or tack on in order to forgive right. I think so, verse 32, it says, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, and this is the punchline, even as God in Christ forgave you.

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In other words, the Scriptures are telling us, that the key to forgiveness is not looking at the person you are to forgive, because if you look at him, you will not want to forgive. Yes that's a very resounding yes. I I say in Chinese "Ni Hua Cheng Hui Dou Ji De Ni", wah, you know the Chinese Kung Fu show aah you turn into dust, I'll still look for you, I remember you, wah that's how much hatred is aah. I will never forgive you, the more you see despicable face, the more you cannot forgive. So the key to forgiveness is not looking at the guy. I,I hear husbands and wives say this so often, pastor, how can you expect me to forgive her, look at what she did, look at her and and all he's talking about is her, her, her, her, or he, he no wonder you cannot forgive, because the key to forgiveness is not looking to him or her, it's looking to God in Christ.

So if you want to forgive someone don't look at him. He's just going to make you more angry, if you keep looking at him, you can't forgive. The key to forgiveness is to look at Christ, to look at what God has forgiven you for in Jesus Christ.

The motivation to forgive that unfaithful act, the motivation to forgive that nasty comment, that grace to forgive that offending remark is not in him, but in Jesus. I find this absolutely difficult, but this is the only way, because if you're not going to choose to forgive and you're not looking to Christ to forgive, you will have bitterness growing and festering like mold and yeast in your soul and one day you would die spiritually, your marriage will be ruined spiritually. That's the only way, unless you want to die like Beethoven, unless you want to be chained by the chains of unforgiveness, even as God in Christ forgave you.

Look at CS Lewis and what he said, He says to be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable.

You say, what does it mean to be a Christian? Come  to church, attend services? I tell you one of the vital aspects of Christianity is to forgive the inexcusable in people. Wah pastor, this is so difficult, it's inexcusable leh. Yah precisely, but the ability to do so is not found in the worthiness of the person you are to forgive, it's found in the fact that God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.

Forgiveness must be rooted in the Gospel in grace. Maybe Lewis is complicated for us, let me give you a simpler quote from Max Lucado, he says

Forgiven people forgive people,  forgiven people forgive people.

Let me tell you why you won't forgive in your life. It might be because you have not been forgiven. You might not have really understood or come to the saving grace of Jesus Christ, because forgiven people they struggle, they will find it hard, they have to choose to obey God, they have to depend on His  Spirit, they have to strive, but forgiven people, ultimately forgive people, because if you are bitter and you are angry and you want to kill your brother, your friend, you are like Cain, you're not of God. So forgiven people forgive people, they look to the cross.

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So how do you mature in marriage, I know how to mature in marriage, we go holiday many times no, not, well, I don't like holidays, so I'll say that, so you go holidays, no, no, no no, no, no many holidays may not heal your marriage or we, we always don't talk to each other, avoid conflict, no your marriage will also not be strong, it will get worse because of neglect and indifference. The only way your marriage will be strong and happy, according to Ruth Graham Bell is this ooh, Ruth Bell Graham is

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.

Think about it alright, a happy marriage according to Hollywood is two handsome and beautiful couple. Wah, look at him so handsome look at her so pretty, sure happy one, their marriage really? Wah, look at her, such a nice person, look at him so full of leadership, sure happy? No.

The essence, the need for forgiveness is vital in a successful marriage because that's what you see right, forgiveness releases the chains of bitterness, it purges the toxin of that may kill your marriage. It denies the devil space and place in your marriage to ruin it, absolutely needed for you and your marriage, for you and your relationships at work or even in the church.

Solomon therefore exemplifies for us, what it takes to mature love in a relationship, not perfection but grace driven forgiveness toward the spouse and in response to that magnanimous love of Solomon, the Shulamite says, I'm going to give myself to you even more, and we see a deepening of love.

So today look at the spouse beside you, okay if she's beside you or she beside you look lah, if not never mind. But can you look at your spouse now, because you can either back to back or eye to eye. I will see no, if I see you cannot see then I know you got problem no, I'll counsel you later. At the back also, would you look at your spouse and realise that your spouse is not perfect, you are not perfect and see and realise today that what you need in your marriage is the grace to forgive.

Not the demand that she change. We often go into marriage expecting and demanding that our spouse will be better. Now by the grace of God, we hope they will grow in the grace and knowledge of God but for yourself look at her and say I need the grace to forgive. Marriage is the union of two good forgivers.

But I will not be doing Scripture justice if I just end here because I don't think Solomon wrote this story just to teach about husband and wife relationship, as important as it should. But I think the story of Solomon and the Shulamite reminds us of the love between Christ and his church. After all, he is the groom and the Scripture tells us that his church is his bride and the question is this, because we like the Shulamite sometimes will say to Jesus, it's not convenient for me to obey, I'm too comfortable to serve you, God, I know you want me to spend time with you, but I'm just too tired, too lazy to read the Bible, to pray so there are many times in our lives when we say no to God, we we slip into our sins and then, the question remains for you, after you come to realise that was wrong, that is bad, you're grieved in your soul, then you ask yourself, what will God do to me now. I mean, I blew it, I rejected God, I did not obey Him, I did not listen to Him, I, I turned away from Him, what will God say to me now. If I go to the garden to meet with God, will he reject me, will he resent me, will he keep a distance from me and then I think we need to think of what our Solomon would say, and I know what our Solomon to say, will say, we might think he will reject us, but our Solomon, our God says this, I will never leave you nor forsake you. We looked at this beautiful verse a few months back in Hebrews. The Greek, the original language is not so weak, it is far stronger, the original Greek says, never, no will I leave you nor, never, no will I forsake you.

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Basically never, no, never, no, never will I leave you, nor forsake you. You're my child, you are my bride, I will never forsake you, that's what the Scriptures is saying, that's what God is saying to you, go to the garden and hear his voice, not some mystical way but what the Bible says. Now, I'm sure if you are a child of God you will not take this for granted and say, aah now I can sin all I want because he always forgives me, no. A child of God would never say anything like that he will not think like this. But this verse encourages the child that has gone astray that our Father's  arms are still open, Christ our groom is still waiting for us.

Paul reminds us, I'm convinced, absolutely persuaded, there is nothing that will separate us from the love of God, not death, not life, not angels, nor principalities, not sufferings, nothing will separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus, this is the strong love of God. God's love for us is so strong that even when we sinned against Him, He remains magnanimous towards us. He loves us with an unconditional love.

So maybe today you have sinned against God, you knew it, you blew it, and you're wondering, could you come back. I say to you from the authority of Scripture, His  arms are wide open for you, don't take that for granted but do come don't run away from God, come back to the cross, repent of your ways, go to the garden, the garden of Calvary, because His Words ring true still, if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just.

God always remains faithful and just and when it comes to your sins against Him, He remains faithful and just, to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. This is our God, I want to wrap it up and I want to wrapped it up in such a way that links marriage and our relationship with God together and I think an author did it really well.

Her name is er Adrien Segal, she had a little post I saw recently and you can Google it you can find it out on Desiring God (www.desiringgod.org) , it's a it's a short article, but I think is too long for me to read the whole thing. I've taken the liberty to select some short statements, but I don't think I did her justice. If you really want to, you should read it, I think it will help you.

But in this article did you expect your marriage to be easy, she really I think hit the nail on the head in many truths about marriage. First of all, she said no marriage has ever been easy, none. When you get married, you always thought that it will be easy, all the problems will melt away from under your feet. No, sin makes marriage hard, every marriage, period. Everyone who stands up and say I've got my marriage altogether I never have any problems, I say oh, he is lying,  I think so because I'm a sinner and she's a sinner, I mean can you expect that it will be perfect from sinners lives, no. It will be hard.

I'm not saying marriages cannot be happy, I'm not saying marriages cannot be blessings to others, I'm saying if you say marriage is easy, I think it's not real because we are sinners and she goes on to say, God created marriage to help us enter into the world of what real love looks like.

Hollywood gives you a fake kind of love, Hollywood tells you ooh, as long as he is handsome and she's pretty and they have gone through some adventure together they will love each other for life. No, it's easy to love when things are easy. But real love is to love when your spouse is irritating, real love is the ability to love when she has said something difficult to you, real love is the willingness to love when he has become even unfaithful in his way, you see that.

God created marriage so that you understand what real love is. Now again I want to, I do not want to sideline those of you who are not married, I think in many relationships, you learn what real love is. It's very difficult to love your brother in church, I know. You expect Christians to be perfect but I tell you Christians are not, what do you do when they do not meet up to your expectations? Do you give up or do you press on, that's real love.

So he goes on to say, God created marriage also to show us what God's love for us looks like. It's in such a difficult relationship that you appreciate what real love is and it's in such an appreciation that you then see, oh, for God to love a sinner like me, oh, that's a big deal, that's a big deal. So marriage, and all the very hard things we experience in this life, are a means God has devised to help us drink deeply of the immeasurable glory of genuine love.

Your marriage is not a mistake, because some of you might be looking at the person beside you and say, wah, she is a mistake man. I should have chosen Amy in my class, not her. She's not a mistake, she's difficult, just like you are difficult and marriage is difficult. Why, so that you may be more fully appreciate what love is and in particular God's love. So marriage is a way by which you realise God's love better, and I think it's also way by which you reflect God's love better, because she goes on to say, God has called you to show your spouse, difficult spouse alright, sinful spouse alright, to show your spouse and others what God's love looks like, not love between sinless people, but grace-filled, patient and forgiving love, love like that of Christ.

So this morning I pray that you will look at what it means to mature in love, not a childish, immature way of thinking that a good marriage is where we avoid conflicts, but a robust understanding that the maturation of love demands forgiveness. Forgiveness demands grace and grace is drawn from the cross of Jesus Christ and as you live this out in your marriage, and as you understand this grace from God, God is glorified through your life.

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Maybe this morning, God has spoken to you about a need in your marriage. For a long time now you have neglected your marriage because you have been busy with work and you thought that work could be a good excuse, but it's not, maybe in your marriage today you have just had a tiff, an argument, a quarrel, a huge one with your spouse and whilst the both of you have not spoken about it there is something brewing and seething inside your life, your heart.  And frankly, you can't bring yourself to tell your spouse what you think, you don't even want to talk about it anymore. But I tell you someone is laughing today when he sees that because you are giving place to the devil, he is seeing that this bitterness is like a poison that is flooding your system. And it will cost your marriage to be ruined.. God did not promise us an easy ride in marriage but God has given us His Word. He tells us, put away all bitterness, all clamour, all strife, all wrath, be tenderhearted, be kind one to another. How, show that by forgiving one another. And you say how can I forgive, look at how Jesus our God in Jesus Christ forgave you.

So my friends I believe the Word of God today is driving us to the corner of our lives where we can say to ourselves, there's no way out. The only way is to look up, and now when I'm dependent and humbled and in the right position to receive His empowerment and grace and I ask God today to direct that grace towards your spouse, to love her, not because she is lovely, to love her not because she is easy, to love her because that's what God wants you to do, to love her till she is lovely because that's what God does for us. He loved us not because we were lovely, He loved us so that we can be lovely.

I pray today, your marriage will not be operating on the carnal, superficial, humanistic way. There is a divine way and there is a divine power, it is not dry theory, because God exemplified it and showed it to us in Jesus His Son and today it is freely available to you, if you humble yourself and drink from that fountain.

My friends, glorify God, would you, we talk about glorifying God in so many ways, we want to preach, we want to serve, we want to share, but let me tell you, your marriage is one of the best ways to glorify Him. So brothers and sisters come to that Gospel.  Maybe some of you are here and you say what is Christianity about, I say in two words, Christianity, is about unconditional forgiveness. Every religion says do this, then God will like you, do that and then God may be pleased with you, give more money, serve in this area, then perhaps God would save you, that is all conditional.

Christianity is unconditional forgiveness, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us and with His precious blood cleanses His people from all sins. If you're here for the first time, God is calling you today to believe in Jesus His Son, you have your sins forgiven and for your life to believe. My friends, focus not on the person that you are to forgive, focus on Jesus Christ, there is a fountain filled with blood, drawn from Emmanuel's veins and sinners plunged beneath that flood, lose all their guilty stains.

If God has forgiven the inexcusable in you, would you glorify Him and forgive the inexcusable in others. May God bless your heart this day. Father, thank You for this morning, may we today, realise Your grace more and may we today exemplify that grace more. I pray this morning that Your love will flood our hearts and I want to pray Your Words in the Scriptures for this church, when Paul said, For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might by His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith, that you being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all saints, what is the breadth and length and depth and height and to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge, that you might be filled with all the fullness of God. So fill our lives with Your love we asked this in Jesus Name, amen.

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