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Now, parenting is never an easy task, isn't it? There was a little girl who was looking at her mom and she said, “Mom, I realize that you are having more strands of white hair now.” And mom says, “Yeah, every time you disobey, you make me unhappy, one strand of white hair comes along.” And then the girls looks at mom and says, “Mom, is that why grandma has a whole head of white hair.”

Parenting is not easy! It gives you a lot of heart aches. It is challenging!

So today, in a two-part look at parenting, we are going to look at some mistakes we are to avoid. So, I've entitled this message, ‘How to raise a Pagan Child’. How do you raise a child who hates God? Does not believe in God. Would not want God. How do you raise a pagan child? Of course, this is a playful little title. I'm not actually teaching this, so that you can raise a pagan child. But I'm teaching this, so that you may realize some of the mistakes, we all may be guilty of. That we may avoid these and be able to raise our kids in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

How do I get this title? Well, you might be familiar with this name, CS Lewis. Heard of him? Famous for writing the Chronicles of Narnia. And which is now a movie franchise series. But CS Lewis is not just known for Chronicles of Narnia, he had many other literary works. One of which is called, ‘Screwtape Letters’.

What is ‘Screwtape Letters’? Well, it's actually a fictional story of Screwtape, who is a senior demon, who will write to a junior demon named, Wormwood. So, the senior demon, his name is Screwtape, writes to a Junior demon, his name is Wormwood. And what is he writing about? Well, he wrote to Wormwood, 31 letters to guide Wormwood, to teach Wormwood, to instruct Wormwood - how to be more effective in his job.

What is Wormwood's job? What is the demon's job? Simply to lead man away from God unto Satan, their master. So ‘Screwtape Letters’ is to be read with the understanding. We are trying to get into the mind of how demons think. What are their schemes? What are their ploys? What are their wiles? What are their strategies?

So, ‘Screwtape Letters’ are letters from a senior demon to a junior demon. And in this à la Screwtape letters style. I want you to think about what Satan might instruct his junior demons to do in order to ruin families. So imagine, the devil Satan himself, the big-head ‘tua tow’ [big boss in Hokkien dialect], speaking to the junior demons - how to raise a pagan child? That's what we are going to look at.

There are, there are many things that you can consider, many strategies you can think of. But today, I just want to focus on four, because of time. You know, of course, we can't cover everything. And I also want to say that, I know many of you have tried your very best in parenting. We must understand that, even though we may put it our best effort, it has no guarantee that the child will turn out to be a follower of God. I just want to share that, in case you're overwhelmed with false guilt and so on.

But if you are a parent today and your child is still with you, I hope this message will challenge you, encourage you to do even better, to do even more biblically, in raising your kids to know God. So, we are going to take a kind of a negative demonstration look - how to raise a pagan child? Four things.
1. Don’t Let The Parents Spend Time With The Children
Very simply, let me begin with number one. This is common sense! This is simple! Even if you're not a Christian, you can get it. And it is this - Satan, I think, maybe telling his demons today, “Don't let the parents spend time with the children.”

Simple! Practical! Don't let the parents spend time with the children. Sure, let the parents buy toys for the children. Let the parents buy sweets and candies and chocolates for the children. Let the parents send their children to CCA; to Chinese class, class; to maths class. Send them for everything. Let the parents provide the best material stuff but don't let the parents spend time with the children. And I think this is a very effective strategy here in Singapore, isn't it?

Many parents today, you work hard, you toil, you give your life in your office and you struggle to spend time with your kids. Have you ever asked, “How much time do you spend with your kids on a daily basis?” Or maybe I ask the kids here, “How much time do your parents spend with you on a daily basis?”

Very paiseh [shy/embarrass in Hokkien dialect], this kind of question. Well, that's what James Dobson quoted. He, he quoted a research by a group of investigators, who wanted to find out just how much time fathers spend with their young children. Alright, so, specifically fathers and young children. So, it's done in two parts. The first part is a simple survey. He went to the fathers, he asked them, “How much time do they think they spend with the kids?”

And you guess what’s the answer? What's the kind of time, the fathers generally say? “One day, I spend …” 30 minutes. Wah! So bad ah! 30 minutes. 10 minutes, wah! This one even more jialat. Any other bidders? ji siah, noh siah … [calling out once, calling out twice in Hokkien dialect] 30 minutes? 10 minutes? Well, the fathers responded on an average, they spent 15 to 20 minutes a day with their kids.

Believable! Pretty much what you expected, right? I mean ten, thirty, probably around there. So, the investigators then went on to verify if this is the case. They put a microphone, attached the microphone to the fathers. Recorded their conversations and they found that the fathers spent on an average each day with the kids …? Five minutes. Wah! Even worse. On the average, they spend 35 seconds. Three conversations on an average, 10 to 15 seconds each.

I can imagine in Singapore it will be:
“Jia pa bey? [Have you eaten in Hokkien dialect]
“Jia pa liao.” [I have eaten in Hokkien dialect]

“Ho chiak bo?” [Is it delicious in Hokkien dialect]
“Beh pai lah.” [Not too bad in hokkien dialect]

“Tak chek buay?” [Have you studied in Hokkien dialect]

I'm saying, have you eaten? Have you studied? Have you bathed? Have you this …? Have you brushed your teeth? That might be your 35 seconds there. What do kids need? Do they really need your candies and your cookies and your sweets and your toys. What they need is you, right? How do they spell, ‘love’. T I M E, time.

I read about a story of a young boy who was waiting for his dad to come home. Dad, after a long day's work, got back. And immediately the son asked, “Dad, how much do you earn in an hour?” The father says, “Why would you want to know? Why would you bother to know? Don't be such a busy body.” “But dad, I really want to know how much you earn in an hour?” “Alright, if you really need to know, I earn about $20 an hour.” “Alright dad, can I, can I get $10 from you?” “You naughty boy, you're always asking for money, buying this, buying that. Now, you are always such a busy body. You go up and sleep now, it's too late!” So, he shouted at the boy, was angry with him.

The boy was sent up, he got to his room. And after a while of self-reflection, the father felt sorry that he was so harsh. And so, he went upstairs, knocked on the door and said, “Son, are you asleep? “No, Dad, I'm not sleeping yet.” “Son, I'm sorry for what I've done. I, I, I shouldn't have shouted at you. I do not know why you want the money but here's $10.”

The son gleefully took that $10. He reached out to under his pillow and took out another $10. And, and now the father says, “You have already $10, why are you asking me for more money? You greedy fella!” The son then said, “Dad, I have now 20 dollars. Can I have one hour of your time?”

In a very real way, kids today are crying out for time with their parents. And we all, we all, I think many of us, myself included, we have fallen into this trap. There was a period of time in my life in ministry here in this church that I felt I really did not spend time with my children. I think it was a difficult period in our church, in our church progress that I felt I need to be more involved. I need to be meeting more people, stabilize some things, make sure needs are being met. And so I, I found myself practically out every evening.

At that point of time we had two kids. Shawn was older, Matthias was real young and I pretty much left it all to my dear wife to have to cope with all the needs at home. I thought I was serving God. I thought that's what a pastor should do. I thought this is what it means to give my life to Jesus. And so, I said, “It's alright! I think things will take care of itself. My wife will be quite alright.” And, and it's only after a while, because my wife was reminding me, that somehow through this thick skull of mine, I realized, I, I was not doing right.

I think, I'm, I'm going to neglect my kids. I'm going to raise pagan children who do not know God.” It's by his grace that I think those years taught me the dangers of neglect and God was gracious to help me repent. And today to endeavour to spend more time with my boys.

Hey! Maybe you're like me! You thought you had to forge a career. You thought that you are to give your life in the office. But do you realize today that your kids need you! They can have teachers. They can have Sunday school teachers. They can have friends but they can only have one father. And they can only have one mother. So, don't listen to the demonic lies that you can leave it to someone else.

You can't leave parenting to someone else, not even to your, to their grandparents. They need a parents. So, fathers, mothers spend time with the children. I think that's lie number one, we are to be aware of.

2. Don’t Let The Parents Discipline The Children
Number two, anyone wants to guess? Don't let the parents spend time with the children, number two don't let the parents …? Very good, Fabian. I don't know how you know it, you don't have a kid yet, but good that you know.

So number two, don't let the parents discipline the children. You say, “Where do you get this from?” I'll tell you where I get these points from later. But second point is - Don't let the parents discipline the children tell the parents. Satan might be saying to his demons, “Tell their parents, that is too old-fashioned to discipline the kids. It's too passé, especially when your relationship with your kids is not so good. You're not spending enough time with your kids. Don't strain, don't spoil that relationship by caning them, it will just make things worse.”

“Oh, don't discipline your kids because that will hurt their confidence or their self-esteem. Don't discipline the kids because they’re actually quite alright. They're little angels. They will grow up to be fine people, just give them time to mature, you don't have to discipline the children.”

Have you heard these things before?

But what does God say? Well, I think the Bible is very clear in the book of Proverbs. Proverbs is the book of wisdom, right? And there, it is wisdom that God tells us, “He who spares the rod, hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” [Proverbs 113:24] Look at that! If you spare the rod, you actually hate your son but if you love him, you'll be careful to discipline him.

Now, I, I think discipline is an extremely difficult thing to do. It's tiring! It's emotionally very draining! I feel every time, I discipline my son, I, I shorten my life by a few days. You're so, aah, pek chek [frustrated in Hokkien dialect]. You … I think I'm dying earlier, I'm dying earlier. And so, it takes a lot out of you, but you do it because you love your kids.

The Bible also says, “Discipline your son, for in that there is hope, do not be a willing party to his death”. [Proverbs 19:18] Discipline when there is hope! If you don't discipline them, if you not restrain them, then they may just grow up to do grievous errors and wrongs and end up destroying their lives. So, when I think about how painful it is to discipline, when I think about how tiring it is to discipline, I also remind myself of the effects of not disciplining them.

And that encourages me, strengthens me to say, “Let's do it! Let's do this discipline process! It's difficult! It's painful! But it's for their ultimate good.”

The Bible also says, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him”. [Proverbs 22:15] When your baby is born and when they grow up as little infants, they are so cute. “Aiyoh, so cute!” You love to pinch their face. They look like little angels. They look so much like ‘Precious Moments’ babies. And you say, “Aiyoh, this one so cute, cannot do anything wrong one lah!”

But actually, they are baby faced assassins, right? They, they're little cute monsters because their heart is wicked. The Bible says, “The heart is deceitful above all things and ….” Ah, how come the church don't know this verse? “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked”.

“Wah, Jason, you're always so harsh.” I'm not harsh. I'm just quoting the Bible. Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is deceitful above all things and a little wicked?” Just a tiny bit? It's desperately wicked! It is hopelessly wicked! Your little baby, you think he's very cute. He's not cute! He's a monster! He really is! You don't have to teach him how to be wicked, he is already wicked. You don't have to teach him to be rebellious, he's already rebellious.

It's bound up in his heart. He is conceived in iniquity. He is totally depraved and corrupt by sin. And if you don't discipline him and if you imagine he's going to grow up fine, he's going to end up ruining his life.

This is where I think the Chinese is not right, 人之初，is not性本善 .[rén zhī chū，xìng běn shàn]
The origin of man's nature is not goodness, it is sinfulness. And that's why we need the rod, to drive it far from him. Do not withhold discipline from a child, if you punish him with a rod, he will not die. [Proverbs 23:13] You're really saving your child's life. You're really helping him.

And then Proverbs 29:15, “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings his mother to shame”. So, I think the book of wisdom tells us what Satan doesn't want us to realize. Satan wants us to not discipline our kids. Let them roam. Let them run. Let them develop normally, eventually they ruined themselves.

But the Scriptures tell us, it is the responsibility of the parents to discipline them in the way that they should go. Now, let me ask you, “Does God do that to us?” Does God discipline His people? Yes. Now, it's sad that many churches say, “God does not discipline his people.” It is sad that many people think believing Jesus means that your life is smooth and nice and pain-free. No such thing! Because sometimes pain is for our good.

When I cane my kids, I always tell them, “This is for his ..” They don't believe it at first but I think they, I think they do realize that caning, that pain is not to harm you. It hurts you, but it's not to harm you. It's to help you. And so God says, “The Lord disciplines the one he loves and chastises every son whom he receives”. [Hebrews 12:6]

Why does He put sometimes, Christians through pain? Because we are in the wrong. Because we are sinning against Him. Because you are rebelling against him. Because we are turning ourselves away from him. And so, he gives us pain, so that we may realize our errors. That we may repent and turn back to him. And he does that because he loves us.

And look at the effect of discipline, “For the moment all discipline seems painful, rather than pleasant…” [Hebrew 12:11] True? I've never seen my son said, “Dad …” Piak [depicts sound produced by caning] “Wah, nice aah! Dad very …” I never heard my sons say that! But every time I cane him … Wah, the face aah, contort like don't know what. And then, wah, the, the tears run down and say, “Wah! Very pain, like that..”

Every discipline is painful. But why? Why do you inflict such pain? Because, “… later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”

I love my kids! I don't want them to be spoiled brats. I want them to have righteousness, godliness in their lives. I'm not trigger-happy, I hope. But, I do want to intentionally have the opportunity to shape their heart and direct them and shepherd them towards my Saviour, Jesus Christ. So that later on, it yields a peaceful fruit of righteousness.

You know, the Bible tells us of someone who does not do this well. The Bible tells us of a father who raised terrible kids. Can you think of someone like that in the Bible? Don't say, “Jason.” I mean in the Bible. Sorry? Wah, very good! You guys immediately think of this guy, his name is Eli. You say, “Simi lai [what is it in Hokkien dialect] eh?” “Who is Eli? Never heard of Eli before. I heard about Jesus, Peter, John, but who is Eli?”

But that's why you really need to read the Bible cover to cover. Eli is a high priest during the time of Samuel. But Eli was a bad priest. He allowed his sons to desecrate God's ordinances, the temple. They lived in greed and lust and covetousness. They shamed God's name. But you know what? The Bible says in 1 Samuel 3:13, “And I declare to him, (that is Eli) that I am about to punish his house forever for the iniquity for the sin that he knew because his sons were blaspheming God and he did not restrain them”.

It's very interesting! Sure, God dealt with his two sons. But God also now holds Eli accountable. Remember when Adam and Eve sinned, who was the one who sinned first? Eve. But when God looked out for them, what did He say? “Eve, where are you?” No! What did God say, “Adam, where are you?” Because Adam is the leader at home.

When your home doesn't turn out well, God holds the leader of the home accountable. And when the kids at home are not doing right, God holds the father accountable. “Eli, where are you? Where is your restraining role in your family?”

You might have heard of this man named, John Wesley. You may also heard of Charles Wesley. They are the founders of Methodism, the Methodist churches all across the world. They had a great mother - Susanna Wesley. I can't remember how many children they have, more than ten. Super amazing one, like she can start a church, right there kind. So, he has many kids but this is her reflection.

She said, “The parent who studies to subdue (self-will) in his child works together with God in the renewing and saving a soul, the parent who indulges it, does the devil's work, makes religion impracticable, salvation unattainable, and does all that in him lies to damn his child, soul and body forever.” You are part of the devil's work if you, indulge your child in his self-will. But you're doing what God wants, when you're seeking to subdue his self-will.
3. Don’t Let The Parents Teach The Gospel Themselves
So, how to raise a pagan child? Number one - Don't let the parents spend time with the children. Number two - Don't let the parents discipline the children. Number three - Don't let the parents teach the gospel themselves? How do they do that?

Very simple! They tell you, “If you're a parent today, you are in this church …” Satan tells you, “You don't really need to teach the gospel to your kids.” Why? Because you're part of a church that does so. You're part of a great church! This church teaches the Bible. We go through the Bible, verse by verse. This church teaches the gospel.”

“We have a great Sunday school ministry, we have a great youth ministry. Simon is a great guy, Yu Fei is a great guy. And, together with them, we have a wonderful team of young people who love God and will teach your children the things of God. So parents, you don't really need to do this. After all, you are not the full-time guy, you're not the expert! Leave it to the experts! These are the full-time professionals and moreover you put money in the offering bag, what”

“That's what they are supposed to do, what! So you have already sent your kids for swimming, to swimming instructors, sent your kids for Chinese tuition, sent your kids for piano lesson, then send your kids to church lah. This is what parenting is all about, delegation man. Delegate, so that you can focus on your career. So that, you can focus on providing for them a better life. This is what parenting is about!”

Sounds good? Sounds real? I think many people have believed this! Now, I'm not saying that as parents you don't delegate. If you're hopeless in swimming then don't teach them swimming lah, please. Both of you drown.

But when it comes to teaching the word of God, there is no delegation allowed. There is no abdication of responsibility. I'm not saying, that other people cannot teach your kids. But you cannot abdicate or delegate out this responsibility. Why? Because it's clearly said in the Bible, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”. [Ephesians 6:4]

It did not say, “Sunday School.” It did not say, “Sunday School.” It did not say, “Youth Leader.” It did not say, “Jason.” It says, “Fathers.” I already have two kids, tolong [pleading in Malay]. I don't need more! You are responsible to teach your children.

So many people think, that raising kids in the way of the Lord is the responsibility of the church. So, if something goes wrong, they blame the church. They put their hopes in the church, but the Bible says, “It is the job of the fathers.” Now, this does not mean mothers don't have to do anything. The word, ‘fathers’, it's true, is fathers. It's not even the word, ‘parents’, alright?

But the word, ‘fathers’ here is used I think to show and demonstrate the leadership role the father has to take up. It's the same, “Adam, where are you?” “Eli, where are you?” “Fathers, where are you?” There is no excuse to say, “I'm forging a career out there. I'm, my life is really to be lived out there and right in here in the family is my wife's domain.” No! Fathers, you're responsible for this - to instruct your kids.

The word, ‘instruct’ is the word, ‘nouthesia’ from which you get the word, ‘nouthetic’ – counselling. For those who are familiar, which means to put into the mind. We are responsible to put into the mind of our children the teachings of the Lord.

You say, “Why?” Actually, it's very reasonable. How much time does your kid have in our church ministry here. 1.5 hours. One and half hours, right? How many hours are there in a week? We have 168 hours in a week. 1.5 divide by 168 is not even one percent. If you think that Sunday school, youth ministry is solely responsible to raising your kids in the teachings of God, you are really short-changing your little ones! Why? We only have less than 1% of their life with us.

Parents, you are the main teachers. We are, like supplements. It's like, you think we are the main meal. Actually no! We are vitamins. The church, the Sunday school, properly viewed, should only be like a vitamin role, just a bit of supplement. If you only eat vitamins every day, you will die, you know. You want to try? Don't eat anything else but just vitamin pills, you will die. And if your kids only live on Sunday school, they will die spiritually.

Parents, you have to do this! I think this is a Jewish, ancient way of doing so because back in Deuteronomy 6:6-7, the Bible says. “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart …” Not just something you do, not just to love God yourself and love others yourself, “… but you shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when you rise”. Basically every and any time with your kids.

Now, I'm not saying, every day before a meal, you ask, “Son, what does the Bible say about food?” “Men shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds out of our mouth.” “Okay, good! Define what is, what…” I, I, I not saying, every time you talk like this. It is so unnatural! It is so cha tao! [being statue like in Hokkien dialect]

So, if you are doing this, please don't do this, alright? Teaching your kids doesn't always mean spewing verses. You do need verses to back it up. You do need to teach them to study the Bible but it is also teaching them the principles; the perspectives that come along with it. But the point is, I think very clear. You have so much more time with your kids. Don't just ask them about schoolwork. Don't just tell them about nature. But link it to God, lead them to the gospel in every opportunity. I think, that's what parenting is all about.

It's not just about CCA, O levels, vitamins and minerals. it's about the word of God. It's about the gospel and if you don't do this, if we don't teach our children who God is, someone else will teach them everything that he isn't. The whole world today, the whole world around us today is working at leading your children away from God. Do you realize that?

It's not neutral! This world is not neutral! It's not as if you're living in a static neutral world. The Bible warns us, “Do not be conformed to this world.” There is a pressure all around your kids to mould and shape their minds to be anti-God. And therefore, you need to put into their minds, the word of God.

The world today laughs at creation, at the creator, saying that, “Oh no, you're such a fool to believe in a creator God. Everything came about by the Big Bang. Everything came about because of evolution.” The world today tells you, “The Bible is a ridiculous piece of literature, it is to be laughed at!” But the Bible tells us that it is the very inspired word of God.

The world today laughs at followers of Jesus as if they are religious bigots but we see in the Bible that we are the blessed ones. The Bible tells you of a loving God, when the world tells you, “He’s a cruel God!” Your kids are going to be bombarded all around. And if you're not doing your job, who else will? Who else will?

Don't let the parents teach the gospel themselves. That's what demons around, I think are trying to do. “Stop them from doing that. Make them very busy. Make them tired of reading the Bible. Make them tired of listening to the sermon this morning.” And then you are blur, and you and you don't take this very seriously at all.

Let me emphasize, I'm not saying, I actually use a specific word here, I said, “teach the Gospel.” I think it's very important that we should lead our children in the gospel. Because there can be some of us who teach our children the Bible in such a way that they do not know the gospel.

We can teach the Bible in such a way that all they know is the 10 Commandments. And how to obey the 10 Commandments, to get right with God. In other words, we raise little self-righteous Pharisees. We raise legalists. We raise people, who think that they can earn God's favour by their puny works.

Oh no, they do not need legalism they do not eat moralism, they need the gospel. They need to know that the law condemns us. It proves that we are guilty before an absolutely holy God and then the gospel tells us that there is a loving Saviour, God's son who died and gave himself to save us from our sins. “Son, you've got to see the gospel because the Bible is really about the gospel.”

Yes, the Bible has a lot more than the gospel but the Bible is centered on the gospel. It is about God's redemptive plan for sinful humanity. Parents, please don't just teach the letter of the law. Don't just teach the Commandments. Don't just teach these things without the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Now, how do you do that? Because of time, we will discuss that. If you want to know, you got to come back next Sunday alright? So that, a, that's a teaser, you got to come back next Sunday. And I'll share with you a bit more of what it means to share the gospel in a regular basis.

But that I want to say, as parents, take it upon yourself to know the Bible well. Take it upon yourself to know how to handle Scripture. Don't delegate this to Jason or Simon, or Yu Fei. We only see you guys a short while each week. Take it upon yourself to say, “I'm going to learn how to study the Bible and how to teach the Bible. And hope every Sunday, if, if I'm useful … not just listen to the words, but listen to how the Bible is being taught.” How we get truths from the text and how to handle it faithfully.

And I pray every one of you will be a teacher. You will teach your kids. You'll teach your wife. You'll teach your family. You'll teach your friends. Every one of us, teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ. So I hope all of you take notes, when I was … Okay, this is so much of a tangent, alright.

But anyway, just to encourage you, if you are listening to sermons, I've always found that it's so useful to take notes either physically or digitally because I want to teach God's word. And I want to be able to refer to them and learn from them and study them.
4. Make Sure The Parents Are Obsessed With Success In This World
Okay, I said three things. Do you remember the three things? Number one - Don't let the parents spend time. Number two - Don't let the parents discipline. Number three - Don't let the parents teach the gospel themselves. Now, all these three are powerful, useful. But actually, they're not very impactful by themselves because parents do know these things, right? Who doesn't know I have to spend time? Who doesn't know I've to discipline? Who doesn't know I've to teach the Bible or the gospel to my kids?
But you lack one more thing. And if you are that one more thing, the fourth one - Wah! This becomes super-powerful! It's almost like some kind of food you know, you have a few stuff but you really lack the last stuff. And if you have the last ingredient, everything is beautiful.

I think about mango sticky rice. Wah! You got the glutinous rice. Wah! Very nice! Mango, sweet. Wah! very good! Some of them, they put the beans ah, a bit more crunch. It's already very nice but actually not so nice until you pour in the coconut milk. Wah! Wah! You can die and go to heaven when you get that the right bite. Wah! That is so beautiful! Because you have the last coconut milk.

And you really need the coconut milk here. Satan makes sure he pours in the coconut milk. What's his coconut milk? The last thing I want to say that the devil encourages his demons to do, is this. “Make sure the parents are obsessed with success in this world.”

And I think, he's absolutely successful here in Singapore. I fear he is successful in Gospel Light Christian Church. I fear he's successful in many of our lives. It's very hard to tell a parent, “Don't spend time, don't discipline, don't teach.” Because he knows he has to, actually. But what you really need to do is to give him a strong addiction. Give him an obsession and he will neglect his duties. Give a man heroin and he will be an addict to heroin, and he will neglect his family. No question.

We don't smoke. We don't inject heroin here. But I think we inject success in this world, into our soul. And the devil is real good at that! The devil tells you today, “Hey! You're doing well in your career. You should really try harder. You should really put in more time. You should really work to please your boss, so that your boss will give you promotion. So that, you can get more money. So that, you can be more famous. So that, you can provide for your family better.”

“They need a bigger house. They need a nicer car. They need nicer food because all their friends have nice food. They will feel very inferior if they don't have nice food. You need to give them better holidays. You need to be able to ensure that they can go to Yale, and to Harvard to study. You need to provide the best for your kids, so work hard. It will give your children, it will give your family the good life.

Now, we look at that and we say, “Jason, you're just exaggerating.” Really? We, we are ashamed to articulate these things like that. But that's how we are driven, isn't it? We sell ourselves in our careers, sacrificing our family there. Because we believe that the good life comes with success in this world. And that's what we drive into our kids.

We make them study real hard. So that, they get straight As. Why? Very simple - get to good school. Why? So that ,they get a good job. Why? So that, they get good money? Why? So that, they can have a good life. That's our linear equation, which is so wrong! Because there is no God in how we think.

And so, we raise very smart, very educated, very successful pagan kids. They look like Christians when they come to church. They know how to play the game. They know what to, when to stand, when to sit, when to sing, what verses to refer to. But their hearts are far from God. Why? They only come to church 1% of the time but the rest of the time, they are swimming with the sharks of the world. They smell the blood in this world and their whole mindset is success.

And parents, because you're all absorbed with pursuit of success in this world. You now have no time to spend with your kids. You now have no energy to discipline your kids. You now have no desire, no bandwidth to really go for Bible studies, learn the Bible, handle the Bible well, to teach your kids. So, it ends up common story – “Chiak pa buay?” [have you eaten in Hokkien dialect] “Tak chek buay” [have you studied in Hokkien dialect] “Score hundred marks, I buy you play station 2.” I don't know what, play station what already.

If you're, if you're doing wrong, “Eh, don't like that boy. Don't lah, don't, don't. Please lah, don't, don't..” Every day you beg your kids. Your kids become your, your father already. And we say, “Send to church. The most important thing, send them to church. The church will teach them.” You soothe your conscience but you do not know what's happening in their hearts. The devil has got us there!

Have you heard of stories where a father brings his child in a car, parks the car in open air car park because he thought it's going to be for a while. Winds up the window, locks the door, keeps the child inside while he goes to the mall and look for stuff. And he thought it was a short while, but the more stuff he saw, the more excited he got. And the more time he spent until when he came back, the child is already dead.

Can it be that, this is what we are doing? We thought that this career phase of our life is for a short while. “Hey! Let's be realistic. Let's be practical, Jason. I got to work a living, right! I got to work hard to provide for my family, right! So, you can’t blame me, for neglecting my child. I have to do that, I will come back, I'll come back.” But how long have you been there? What's happening to your child?

Well, much more could be said. But you say, “Where did you get all these things? You came up with it yourself?” No. I, I didn't. I wouldn't be able to. But these are reflections as I look at what you have just read, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord? I really focus on the second half of this verse.

There are many ways you can frustrate your kids. There are many ways you can provoke your child to anger. Constant criticism is one. “Ngen, ngen, ngen, ngen, ngen, ngen, ngen, ngen, ngen, ngen, ngen, ngen.” Cannot take it!

Two - unfair comparisons. Maybe another, “How come your neighbour can score 98, you are always 48? You, lousy ah, you! Useless! I give birth to char siew, better than give birth to you.” My favourite line, alright.

Number three, we might frustrate our kids when we live life of hypocrisy. “Dad, I thought, you love God. I thought you always say you love God. But your actions don't show that.” They frustrate the kids. So, I may have, I, I, I would, I did not have time to really remain in the first half but today, I really base the four deceptions on the last half.

Which is number one - Bring them up. That is the word, to nourish, to spend time, to love. Parents, spend time with your kids. Two – Parents, discipline your kids. Three – Parents, teach the gospel to your kids. Four - Make sure it is in the way of the Lord, not the ways of the world.

Don't sacrifice your kids for this world. Don't let them see in your life, you love the world and therefore the love of the father is not in you. Don't let them see the way you make choices, “Son, it's PSLE. No need to go to church.” These things are very telling. Your kids are not stupid! They watch what you do.

Well, we all are fellow strugglers. I am a struggler in parenting. I suck at it, I think! Lousy at it! But I hope, I will grow in it. I hope I will be better. I hope together with me, we'll all repent. And look to the Holy Spirit to fill us with the love of God, I think that's the most important. That we may love him and not sell ourselves to this world. And that, we would take up our God-given role of being a parent for his glory.

Well, there are many things left unanswered deliberately so, so that you come back next week. But if everything is complicated, I just want to leave you with one last quote.

Kevin de young, he said, “I want to spend time with my kids, teach them the Bible, take them to church, laugh with them, cry with them, discipline them when they disobey, say sorry when I mess up, and pray like crazy. I want to look back, I want them to look back and think I'm not sure what my parents were doing or if they even knew what they were doing, but I always knew my parents loved me and I knew they loved Jesus.” Maybe it's not that complicated after all.

Let's bow for a word of prayer together. I hope today, you will pardon me if I've been strong or harsh in some ways. But I'm angry in a sense, because we are all so foolish to have listened to the devil, to have fallen into his schemes and have neglected our children. Perhaps, today there's something you need to repent of. I like you to take this time and confess it before the Lord and ask for His enabling grace. That He will fill you with his spirit and enable you to become the parent He wants you to be.

Perhaps, today you are struggling because your child is now pretty grown-up and he's rebellious. Hey! I, I feel for you because it's really difficult. But you know, there's still something you can do and that is to pray; to model; to love. And perhaps, like a prodigal, one day he might just come back.

To my friends, you may be going through hardships today and you wonder, “Where is God?” I tell you, pains in this world are not accidents to God. They are intentions by God. And perhaps you are living in sin and that's why he's inflicting you with pain. He's chastising you through a circumstance that you may turn, you may repent, you may come back to the heart of your Father.

And for my friends here, let me tell you the Bible is really about good news. Good news that Jesus Christ died. You know, the Bible is not about religious good works that saves us because no one can do good works to save himself. Only Jesus can. And so, I tell you today the good news of Jesus Christ. He, seeing us in our sin, seeing us helpless and hopeless came to die and pay for you.

The Bible tells us three days later, He rose again. Meaning, He is successful in what He came to do. And He promises all who believe in him will not perish but have everlasting life. You will be reconciled with God. You can be a child of that promise. Would you today humble yourself, repent and believe in Jesus? May your families, may your homes reflect the love of God in Jesus Christ. May God's love give us ‘Home Fix’.

Father, thank you for this time, bless your people, bless our homes. Bless friends here with the gospel, please, that they may be saved. We pray this in Jesus’ name, Amen.

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