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Very good morning to all of you, welcome to our second English worship service this morning, we are continuing our series in the book of Matthew. We come to the Sermon on the Mount and in particular, about this section about ‘The Law Fulfilled’ and this morning we come to also a specific subject that may be very difficult. A subject that may be painful and emotional to some of you here, it's about Jesus teaching on divorce.

Some of you here are divorcees, you've already been divorced. Some of you are struggling in your marriages and you are thinking seriously about divorce. Some of you are ministering to people who have marital issues and you are helping them through as they think about their marriage and possibility of divorce. My purpose in this sermon is to be helpful to you in your various circumstances.

Some of you may have questions like - is divorce allowed in the Bible? Under what circumstances would that be valid? Can we remarry if we should divorce? And what do I say to people who are facing such situations in life? So that's the purpose, as we find out the teaching of marriage and divorce and remarriage in the Bible and what Jesus has to say about it all.

To really understand the subject, I think we need to have a 30,000 feet view of this subject in the Bible, from the beginning to the end. So I suggest we begin right at the start in the Garden of Eden when God instituted marriage. God has a blueprint for marriage, it's contained in some of the words we read here. He said, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast," that is to hold tight, "to his wife and they shall become one flesh."[Gen 22:4]

This speaks of intimacy, this speaks of permanence. Marriage is not an arrangement of convenience. You don't just gather together, be husband and wife because it's easy, it's nice, it's comfortable and then when it's not easy, when it's not nice, when it's not comfortable, you say, “I call it quits, I'm going to quit on this marriage.” You don't do that because God's blueprint for marriage is for a lifetime. A man will hold tight to his wife, they shall become one flesh.

However, though this is God's will, throughout human history, this is not universally obeyed. In fact, in the nation of Israel, by the time you come to Moses and his reign or his leadership in that nation, we read that there are many, many probably cases of divorce in Israel. A man can say to the wife, “I do not like you anymore, I find some fault in you, be gone,” and he will divorce her. And then he will find another woman he likes, he gets married to her and after a while he also feels sick and tired of her and says, “Be gone.” and they will be divorced and so it became a problem, somewhat like an epidemic in the nation of Israel. Their hearts were wicked and hardened, they would not do what is right, they did what was easy, what was convenient, what was comfortable.

So in order to stem that tide, in order to put a check, in order to discourage and dissuade this bad epidemic of divorce, God commanded Moses to start a regulation. We say what’s the regulation? Deuteronomy 24[verse 1] tells us, ‘When a man takes a wife and marries her and if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, he is to write her a certificate of divorce.’

So instead of so quickly, just saying, "Be gone." and consider that marriage be annulled, you got to do something official, you got to do something very considered, that is you have to write this legal document as it were, a certificate of divorce. Now the purpose of that of course is to cause the spouse to think again and to think again and think again seriously before he's going to part with his spouse and this certificate is also to tell and to warn that if you as a man is to put away your wife and if she should remarry and she should leave that husband for whatever reason, you will never be able to take her back again as your wife. So, so whatever you doing it's forever, you cannot reverse it, so think hard and deep and thrice about this matter before you enter into divorce. So this certificate is meant to be a deterrent. It's meant to prevent this rampant epidemic of divorce.

But again, you fast forward centuries later, to the time of Jesus, this which was meant to be a deterrent has become a twisted license for people to say, "I can divorce for any reason I want.” You read that in Matthew 19[verse 3], when the Pharisees came to Jesus, saying, "Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?" So you see their thinking now. It was meant to be a deterrent, but they say, "As long as I have a cert of divorce, I can divorce my wife for any cause." Now that's wrong! When you marry someone is for life and the cert is not meant to encourage you.

Let's say a simple example here in Singapore. Do you know that when a woman or lady wants to go for an abortion, she is mandated by the Singapore abortion law act to be counseled by a qualified counselor and that she is mandated to watch an abortion video? Say, what's the purpose? Well, of course is to inform her what is involved, but I think primarily also to dissuade people from too quickly getting abortions.

Now certainly none of us will say, “Oh the government wants us to watch the video to encourage abortion.” No one would say that! But that's exactly what's happening. This cert was meant to deter people from divorce but they have twisted it to say, "Oh now that I have this cert, I can divorce for any cause I want." So this is the necessary background you need, in order to understand what Jesus is saying in the Sermon on the Mount.

In Matthew 5:31, He says, ‘It was also said." You guys have been teaching, you Pharisees, the whole nation of Israel, you have been saying, "Whoever divorces his wife, just let him give her a certificate of divorce." [Mat 5:31] That's rampant! That's the problem now! You don't value the institution of marriage, you're not holding tight to your spouse. "But I say to you everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.’ [Matthew 5:32]

So he says, everyone who divorces his wife, except for this exception clause which is adultery, if you divorce your wife for any other reason, you make her commit adultery. Why? Because your divorce is not valid in God's mind, in God's sight in the first place and the assumption is that when she marries someone, she would be guilty of adultery because your original marriage is not annulled in the eyes of God. So Jesus is pointing out that marriage is meant to be permanent. No divorce allowed except for this exclusion clause which is immorality.

So marriage is meant to be permanent, no divorce but divorce is allowed in this exception of immorality. And if everyone who divorces his wife makes her commit adultery means that when you are a divorcee, not because of adultery and you remarry someone, that will be adultery.

It is adultery if a divorcee should remarry, just to be clear, unless the former spouse had committed adultery in the first place.

00:10:43

And then number four. Whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery, again assuming that the woman is divorced not because of sexual immorality. So number four, marrying a divorcee is adultery.

Now, I know you might be lost now, wah lau[expression of wonder] so many qualifications and so many, well, it's quite easy and I'm sure at the end of it all and give me another 10 minutes I think you'll be clear, alright.

So the four points Jesus is reestablishing, in the midst of perversion and false teachings is:-

Number one: Marriage is to be permanent.
Number two: Divorce is allowed in sexual immorality.
Number three: It is adultery if a divorcee remarries, and
Number four: It is adultery to marry a divorcee, unless of course it was broken up first by adultery.

So with this background, we can now answer this question Jesus faced and I don't want you to look at Matthew 19, don't cheat, just look at the screen here, alright? And try to think of what your answer would be.

The Pharisees came to Jesus and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” How would you answer? No, your answer you give is no, well I think it's a great answer by the way, but your answer if in the A-levels maybe only get 30 marks because never show your working, you must show your working. And Jesus showed His working, He gave his reasoning.

He said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” [Mat 19:4-6] Hundred marks question, answer. A-star answer, you must show your working.

So his reasoning is this, Pharisees, you asked me this question, have you not read? Aren't you supposed to be the teachers of the Bible? Aren't you supposed to be familiar with the Word of God? Didn't you read right in the beginning in Genesis 2:24 that God has made two one and when God makes two one, you don't separate? It's for life, you don't divorce, that's his point, isn't it? No divorce!

So this is the A-star answer you need to memorize but the Pharisees not happy with that, they are here to trap Jesus by the way, right? Because if Jesus says yes, you can divorce, they will say, ah, hah, hah, hah, you're not honoring God in Genesis 2. But if Jesus says no divorce, then will say hah, then you say Moses wrong, you don't respect Moses. They're trying to trap Him, so Jesus has answered the first one, no divorce, go back to Genesis 2, they will now asked Jesus a second follow-up question, what's the question? What's the question? What would the Pharisees be thinking about now, what would they say? They will say, why ah, you have a Pharisees' mind, Fabian, huh, huh, why then did Moses commands one to give a certificate of divorce, then? If God's will is no divorce, then why would God say, “Alright, give him a certificate of divorce?”

In fact, they say, “Why then did Moses command?” Now you know what they're thinking about. If you're Jesus, what would you say? Aiyah, Bee[someone’s name], you have read the Bible before, well, okay, but if he has not read the Bible before, it will be harder, but he's right, Bee is absolutely right, because he remembers what Jesus says, “Because of your hardness of heart.” That is not God's will, but you were so rebellious that this cert of divorce is meant to give you a check, a deterrence, a discouragement. Because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wife. You would have done it anyway! But from the beginning, this is God's will and it has never changed, it was not so!

[00:15:34]

So let me reestablish what is God's will; whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery whatever reason except for adultery, it is wrong, it is not God's will. That person who is divorced who would now remarries will be guilty of adultery and if you should marry a divorcee for any other reason apart from adultery will also be committing adultery. You see the problem, when a husband and wife separate for any other reason apart from adultery and the husband marry someone and the wife marry someone, the husband is guilty of adultery, the woman he marries is guilty of adultery, she is guilty of adultery and he who marries her will also be guilty of adultery, everyone is in adultery.

So I hope you're awake and remember these points:
Number one: Marriage is permanent,
Number two: Divorce is allowed in immorality, and
Number three: It is adultery if a divorcee marries, remarries.

If you're still not clear which I think some of you look like, still not clear, then let me take up my whiteboard. Please be patient with me as I use a whiteboard, just going to give you a panoramic view of I think the Bible's teaching on marriage and divorce. So let me start. It all begins in the Garden of Eden and in Eden God said what? Hold fast. And the point that God is making here is, no divorce. Clear right? In Eden, hold fast, one flesh, no divorce. Fast forward centuries later, we see that in Israel. What has happened in Israel is what Jesus describes as hardened hearts. And the scene in Israel is that of lots of divorce. Okay? I think that's the case in Israel during Moses' time.

In response to that, God told Moses, command them that if they should want to divorce, take this step to get them to do the cert of divorce. The whole intention of the cert of divorce is to bring down divorce, not increase divorce. It's a check, it's a deterrence. And then you fast forward centuries later to the time of the Pharisees. And the phrase that is of big problem is the phrase, anyone want to guess? "Any cause" And what has happened is what meant was meant to be a deterrence has become an excuse a twisted excuse, I think for them to pursue divorce. It becomes a cloak for their wickedness.

So onto this scene comes Jesus Christ and Jesus says, the key phrase - "From the beginning it was not so." And his position is the same as that given in the Garden of Eden - no divorce. Now pastor, you have given us, your writing not very balanced like here then got space here for what. Well, I think the story is not ended because later on, the apostle Paul would tell us more about marriage. The apostle Paul says in Ephesians 5 and verse 32, looking at the same verse we've been looking at Genesis 2:24, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh." Obviously, this is talking about marriage, but he says, no, no, no, no, I'm not just talking about marriage. "This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church." [Eph 5:32]. I am saying that human marriages are a reflection, a picture, a portrayal of the Gospel.

[00:21:12]

So if we were to develop this idea further, Paul would talk about "Christ and the Church" and his point here is that there is no divorce because marriage is to be a parallel or a picture of the Gospel, relationship between Christ and the Church. And just before you end off reading the Bible, we come to the book of Revelation and we read about the marriage of the Lamb. And this is talking about an eternal union between Christ the Lamb and His Church.

I think this is what marriage and divorce looks like in the whole Bible. So, I hope when you see this, it clears up your mind. So, let me bring this aside. And do you have any questions? I'm sure you have but I know it's not easy to ask so I thought of questions for you. So, we are coming to the FAQ part, alright the frequently asked questions. I have seven questions which I hope will help clarify matters. Some of the questions will require answers from other parts of the Bible but it's just to give you a more complete understanding of marriage and divorce in Scriptures.

So, number one: besides adultery, now that a exception clause very clearly taught in Matthew 5 and Matthew 19. “Besides the exclusion or exception clause of adultery, pastor is there another reason why a previously married person can remarry? Answer is yes. When? I think when a spouse who is an unbeliever chooses to leave him or her who is a believer. This is given in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, "But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace." So if I am a Christian man, my wife is a non-Christian, after living with me for 10 years she says, “I hate you, I don't want to be with you, I know you are a Christian but I'm not, never going to be one and I don't want to be married with you anymore, I'm leaving, I'm divorcing you.” If she should initiate the divorce and we are indeed divorced, can I remarry? I think so, according to 1 Corinthians 7:15.

Okay now twist it around, I am a Christian, my wife is not a Christian, can I say to her, “I'm a Christian, you not Christian, bye-bye, sayonara.” Can I say that? You can't say that! So, I'm a Christian but my spouse is not. Should I divorce my unbelieving spouse and try to find a believer to marry? Answer: No. Why? Very clear in the Bible, "To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever," so any brother is a Christian, his wife, not a Christian, "and she consents to live with him," this, my wife wants to live with me, "he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him." [1Cor 7:12,13] So you don't do that.

In fact, in 1 Peter 3 the reason is given, "Wives," this is referring to Christian wives, "in the same way be submissive to your husband, so that if any of them do not believe the word." So even if your husband is not a Christian, stay and be submissive, not just stay, be submissive to your husbands, why? So that "they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives," they may "see your purity and reverence of your lives." [1Pet 3:1,2] and say God is real, I want to know your God. So you don't quit on your unbelieving husband or wife.

In other words, a Christian is free to remarry only if his or her unbelieving spouse initiates the divorce.

Now, I know what you might be thinking, okay lah then I irritate him until he initiates lah. Eh God sees your heart ah, don't, don't be cheeky. So the point here is that as the Spirit of the law is that you honor the institution of marriage. But if there be such a case that it is not tenable because the unbeliever is dead bent, hell-bent on separating, God has called you also to peace, alright?

Question number three: besides adultery and abandonment, abandonment is what I'll say the unbelieving spouse says I want to leave a Christian, alright so besides these two reasons, is there another reason why a previously married person can remarry? Okay you all, all very smart, you all, you have researched this topic is it? So yes, you can. When the spouse is deceased. So if you want to get out of marriage, you either irritates your unbeliever until he initiates or you kill him, then you can remarry. Well, the Bible is clear but if the husband dies, she is free from that law. So marriage is for life, we know that. It's meant to be a covenant, a commitment for the rest of your life but it really is you're freed from that when your spouse dies. So we even have this enshrined in common vows that even unbelievers pronounce at their wedding day - "I so-and-so promised to take you so and so to be my lawfully wedded wife, to cherish and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health till death do us part." So when death happens, you part, no more, free from the law, you can remarry.

Question number four: I divorced my spouse for unbiblical reason. She, she, she buys the wrong char kway teow [name of a noodle dish in hokkien dialect] for me, I cannot take it, I divorced her. OK, unbiblical reasons, meaning not abandonment, not adultery. You just don't like your spouse, you just got sick of him or her, you divorced, you argue and you divorced, you fought, you quarreled and you divorced, these are the unbiblical reasons, alright. Unbiblical means not found in the Bible, not what God has allowed. So if you divorce your spouse for unbiblical reasons and neither of you have since remarried, what should you do to demonstrate repentance and obedience to God's Word? What do you think you should do? Reconcile, it's obvious, that's right. If at all possible, seek reconciliation and be reunited in marriage to your former spouse. Now this can be very hard because some of you may exactly be in this position, you're divorced, he is not remarried, she is not remarried and you are not remarried you are still free and as far as you know you have not been in any relationship with other persons and if you're in that position, it takes a lot for you to say I want to be reconciled because the separation must have been very unpleasant in the first place. But I think this is what God says, "the wife should not separate from the husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife." [1Cor 7:10b-11] So you need lots of courage, grace, strength but this is what is right by God.

[00:30:27]

Question number five: now I divorced my spouse for unbiblical reasons, but he or she has since remarried, what do I do? Kill the other guy lah, it's the easiest thing, no you can't do that so what do you do? I mean you can't get back with her because she's remarried or you can't get back with him because he's remarried what do you do? There's not a lot you can do I think going forward to recover a very difficult messed up position but I think we must understand this that divorce and adultery is a serious matter. I think that's clear but we also remember that God is gracious to forgive. I think you should confess your sins to your spouse because you have made him or her commit adultery by marrying someone else when the original marriage was not annulled in God's eyes, and from henceforth because it's already settled as it were, honor God's Word pertaining to marriage. Okay, I think that's the best solution of it all.

Question number six: my spouse committed adultery, according to Matthew 5:32 I have grounds for divorce. Should I get a divorce because I can? Yes or no? No, don't want? How? Good lah, you all have not faced this problem is it? Well, this is tough but I think my reasoning will be this - think of all the ways we as followers of Christ commit spiritual adultery against God. But God does not forsake us, His heart is always to forgive us and to reconcile with us when we repent. So my point to you is this, we can extend this same grace toward our spouse, even in the case of adultery. Just like in the Bible, Hosea continues to reach out to Gomer, the prostitute, the adulterous wife, we can extend this same grace, so divorce is permitted but not required. And indeed I say, I don't think that should be the first course of action you think of at all. So, now I know this is very technical, this is very theoretical and in actual life it becomes very emotional and painful but objectively in the Bible, whilst adultery is an allowed reason for divorce, I would recommend that's not the course of action you would take initially at least, permitted but not required.

The last question: can I divorce based on spousal abuse? So this is tough! Spousal abuse, in other words the spouse is abusive, physically, verbally, it's really tough. Maybe he's a drunkard, maybe he's a drug addict, maybe he's a threat to the children totally. Why, why all he, OK, she, she can also, both cases alright? But generally he, alright, but both cases. He's incorrigible, he's terrible, he's abusive, my kids’ lives will be in danger. Can I divorce based on spousal abuse? How many of you say no, you can't divorce based on spousal abuse? No - 1,2,3,4,5,6,7. In this whole congregation only seven say cannot divorce based on spousal abuse. How many of you say can divorce based on spousal abuse? The rest of you? Don't want to get married already. But probably about 30 of you say can, let me asked again, if you are to be married, okay, think of it, you have to commit, you have to commit alright, yes or no, that's all.

How many of you say you cannot divorce based on spousal abuse? Okay, more hands this time, maybe about 30, 40 of you. How many of you say can divorce based on spousal abuse? Okay, well either way I'm going to offend someone alright, in fact, I'm going to offend many people. As far as I know and as far as I read in the Bible, can I divorce the answer yes or no? See who shout louder, yes or no? Wah, this is causing a mutiny. I'm going, I'm going to upset some of you but please hear me out alright, I think the answer is no. Why? Simply because I don't read of it in the Bible. The basis of what we do and why we do what we do must be Scripture. If spousal abuse is allowed to be a reason, I think I would find in the Bible but I don't find it in the Bible. When Jesus spoke, he didn't say, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another except for sexual immorality and abuse and bullying and drunkenness and addiction.” He didn't say that, only one, except for immorality.

I know the difficulty here because in your mind, you're picturing an absolute monster and there are many monsters who when they are drunk, addicted, are totally irresponsible and may be very abusive. They may beat up their wives, they may kick their wives, they may torture their children, they may rape his own children, I mean that is, that is not this is, this is not unheard of in the world today. So, in the light of seeing this monster of a man in the home, you say, “I'm definitely better off without him than with him.” So because of that we say it is therefore permissible to divorce. But hard as it may be, I don't see that in the Bible.

In fact, let me ask you, if you say spousal abuse is allowed, what constitutes spousal abuse? How would you define it? Punching, spousal abuse? Flicking, my husband always flicks me, abuse me, I want to divorce him. I mean, what's the force or what, what's the degree? Oh, he's very abusive to me with his words, what, what kind of words, how, how far do you know, it's very hard. But the point I'm trying to make is this, the logic is, it is not found in Scripture.

Now, does that mean then, I cannot divorce means I'm sitting duck there wait one day until he kick me until I die? I don't think so. I think you can practice redemptive separation. Now this is not divorce, alright, this is not divorce. What I mean by redemptive separation is that in order to prevent further harm to yourself and greater sin from your spouse, you may live apart from a necessary period, but that is not divorce.

So if you are a wife today and your husband is very abusive, he's a threat to your life and to your kids, I think you should move out, protect yourself and your kids, prevent him from further sin, but in your heart you must still regard him as your husband. A monster he is, but he's still your husband because what God has put together let no man put asunder. Your posture must still be that of a submissive wife and you are still praying for your husband and you are still keeping yourself pure and not being with other men, and not even thinking about remarriage, because that's what God has called you to.

Now, like I said, this is going to be a very emotional, painful and difficult subject because when you really think about the repercussions, the difficult circumstances stories can come in, there's no good solution except to trust that our God is sovereign and sovereignly good and He works all things together for good to them that love God, even a bad rotten marriage.  I hope you'll consider what the Scripture teaches.

[00:39:52]

I want to end with some applications. Some of you may feel wow, this is this is this is tough. I mean, I'm a divorcee and I was divorced from my wife and my husband for unbiblical reason, I’m a terrible sinner right? Well you are, just like me, just like all of us, it's just that our sins are different, but we are all absolutely sinful.

God's standard is so high, He's so holy, we are absolutely sinful. We are adulterers, murderers, covetous, self-centered, we are. But let me tell you the Bible tells us of a holy unyielding God in terms of righteousness, but the Bible also tells us of a God of amazing forgiveness.

The point of the Gospel is not for you to measure up to God's standard so that He will accept you, no. The point of the Bible is to realize you have absolutely no way of measuring up, but our God is gracious to forgive you. This is the Good News, this is the Gospel, this is why Jesus came, He took all your unworthiness, He took all your sins, He died on the cross, so that you can be forgiven and you may be reconciled with God, not because you were a perfectly moral man, you aren't! None of us is! Here is the Good News.

You know one of the most touching stories in the Bible would be when Jesus reached out to this Samaritan woman, Jews never mixed with Samaritans. Jews look at Samaritans as half breeds, as dirty people, mixed with unclean people, they, they were an offspring of the Jews and Gentiles. They hated the Samaritans and they will never get near a Samaritan but Jesus deliberately went to the woman at the well in Samaria and this is not just an ordinary Samaritan woman, she's an adulteress. Jesus could see her life and said to her, “You have had five husbands and the man you're with is not your husband.” She's an adulteress, but Jesus came to say to her, “Woman, I'm here to give you living water. I'm here to satisfy the thirst of your life, I'm here to give you spiritual quenching of your spiritual pursuits. I'm here to save you and to reach you and bring you back to God who you're made for.” Jesus is in fact saying, “I will die for your sins. I'm going to save you. I'm the Messiah.”

My friends, you and I may be like this woman, we've sinned in our marriage, we've sinned in our relationships, we've sinned in adultery, we've sinned in our minds but Jesus comes to forgive. He did not come to save the righteous, the righteous need not be saved and fact check, there is no righteous, no, not one. So, Jesus came to save sinners, of whom we all are. So herein is the marvel of the Gospel. So this morning if you're, if you feel condemned, if you feel guilty, I say to you there is, there is soothing, there is comfort, there is salvation, there is forgiveness, there is love, there is acceptance, there is grace in Jesus Christ. I pray this message will bring you to Him.

I want to say a word about Gospel Light Christian Church, about us. I pray that we will be a loving community to people who live in sin. Now, I'm not saying we should encourage people to live in sin, I'm not saying that we should approve of people living in sin, but I think we need to love and accept people who are living in sin. I think over the months we have seen many people in Punggol around this area come and join us and I know this, you know that they come from difficult family backgrounds.

I have heard of many single moms, single parents, raising up kids by themselves because of, they are divorced, I have not asked why they're divorced, that's not the point. My point is will we look at this as hah, you must be having something wrong in life and we keep a distance or would we reach out because we recognize we are sinners ourselves, and love and welcome the lost and the struggling and point them to Jesus? I pray what, that we will never become Gospel Light country club where all of us are just happy with our neat, tidy, very moral looking lives, but we will be like Jesus going to Samaria and looking for the woman who thirsts for God.

For those of you who are married, I want to say this to you because I know marriage is not easy. I am married for, let me calculate, I am married for 17 years that's a long time and 17 years is not easy. I have, I have always said this, my wife is a lovely lady but the two of us have our difficult times. Both are sinners we still have the flesh in us, we have our selfishness, our pride, but one thing I think that keeps us together is the knowledge that marriage is for life.

You know a lot of people when they don't believe marriage is for life, they don't want to accept marriage is for life, they will spend their energies looking for escapes, right? They will spend their time looking for exception clauses, “Pastor just now your question one and two very exciting, are there any other reasons, I'm waiting you know. And that's why question seven, spousal abuse I also want to find, because as long as I can find the word abuse, if he said something wrong to me, I, I tell you I have a right to divorce him already.” But sorry, no, so instead of wasting your time trying to look for loopholes, trying to look for escape way out, I say lock down, lock in and say, “the two of us, we are married for life, God has joined us together, we have to stick it through and let's fight for marriage together.”

Stop fighting each other, stop trying to look for way out, stop trying to find the easy solution, which is to quit. Everyone can quit but not everyone has strength to work it through together. For the sake of your family, fight it through. Don't be a quitter, your marriage is worth fighting for. I think in the past, I think in the past just now you said, what, what is worth fighting for? What, what does it mean like everything is at stake? Actually, I don't think so because if I quit, it's going to be better for my kids, myself, I have a better sanity. What does it mean when you say everything is at stake? Well, there are some reasons why people hang on in marriage right. Some common reasons - number one, children. I think it's better that two of us are caring for kids together than if we should separate.

Another reason why people hang on in marriage, cham,[means hopeless in hokkien dialect] only children, then you really should separate already. Another reason why people hang on in marriage, even though it's unhappy? Fear of God, wah, that's a very godly reason, but not yet, later, later. Another reason? Sorry? Stigma, that's right, lose face. So I see in the older generation, my parents’ generation, maybe some of you, your generation you're not happy in your marriage, you don't talk to your husband, you don't talk to your wife, but you stay on in marriage because you say if my relatives hear that I divorce, very lao kui [means humiliation in hokkien dialect], paiseh [meaning embarrassment in hokkien dialect] don't want to let people know. So just stay in there lah, never mind lah, anyway, I'm going to die already, another five years, I'm going to die, just hang in there lah.

That's one of the reasons why people hang on in marriage but you know that reason I think is waning because you see divorces everywhere. You see divorces in celebrities, you see that, that's such a common culture and so you sense that society by and large is beginning to accept divorces, and you don't feel so paiseh after all, so I really see that even in our church, there are contemplations on divorce more than in the past.

I've been in this church, I've been pastoring for 11 years and I certainly see a trend because the world creeps into us. So you say, while you take away the face factor, then I'm only left with kids and what if I've no kids, then I really shouldn't really stay married right? I think what is at stake here is applicable whether you are married with kids or no kids. I think what is at stake is what Paul teaches about the Church. In my life, this is what keeps me and my wife going. That there is a reason beyond my marriage, there's a supra-reason, there's a loftier reason, bigger than myself, bigger than my wife and I, it's the message of the Gospel of Christ and His Church.

[00:50:12]

When people see Winnie and myself, I pray they will see the strong love of Christ for His Church that even though we are very flawed and sinful, we are committed to reflecting the Gospel and I think that's worth fighting for.

Now, if you're not a Christian today, what I've just said is absolutely nonsense to you, wah lao, what is this? But if you are Christian today and you know God's love for you and you want to honor Him, it begins at home in your marriage. Don't talk about, "Oh I love God and I will be a missionary for Him, but let me divorce first." No, no, God says, “Don't go missionary, stay at home, work on your marriage.” Because that's where the Gospel is going to be seen. You know what's a qualification of an elder? He must have gone through seminary, no! It's not in the Bible! What's the one qualification of elder? Husband of one wife and rules his household well! That's fundamental! So I say to you, fight for your marriage, everything depends on it.

I think it's only when you begin to lock down and lock in that you will be forced to draw from the strength of God. Many of many of couples they, they say, “Oh, there's no way my marriage is going to work. I know God is powerful, but there's no way He can break through.” You know why it is so, because you have never locked down or locked in and you have always been thinking of escape. So no wonder you're not going to trust and appropriate God's power and grace to help you in your marriage because the slightest provocation you're threatening divorce.

Now, again I want to qualify, I really do not know all the struggles you go through, I feel for you just as I have some struggles, maybe it is of a different style and magnitude, but I trust God's Word and I trust that His will stands and I trust that His purposes are, are far better than our thinkings and our reasonings and I think the Gospel is worth you locking down and locking in. So fight for your marriage and the only way you can really fight successfully is when you're centered in the Gospel. I really think so, it's only when you're centered in the love of Christ for you that you would find grace to love your spouse who in your estimation right now is absolutely unlovely.

You know why you want to divorce? Because you despise your spouse, you disrespect your spouse, you find nothing admirable or lovely in your spouse, that's why you divorce, you have given up hope. But the reason why you should love your spouse is not because he or she is lovely, you love your spouse because God loves you. God loves us not because we're lovely, He loves us till we become lovely. You love your wife not because she's lovely but you love your wife until she is lovely. This power to love, this motivation to love really begins in the Gospel, how God would love me unconditionally is the only way by the help of the Spirit that I can love my husband and wife so unconditionally.

You know what, I think marriage is God's grand scheme or conspiracy in a good way, I hope you see it, to get us to drink from the fountain of the Gospel. Nothing rubs us, nothing is so intimate to us than marital life and it's in marital life that we see our desperate need to be centered in the Gospel. Ruth Graham she says, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers." How do you learn to be good forgivers? When you learn of how God forgives you in the Gospel.

This might be a very difficult morning for you because that's what sin does. We see our own sinfulness, our selfishness, our pride and how it brings such grief to our lives and to our families. Maybe today if you feel bad and lousy before God, I want to say that our Father loves you unconditionally. We are messed up, you feel filthy, but that's why Christ came. To love you, to sacrifice Himself, to wash you.

So this morning I want to encourage you to find that comfort and joy and forgiveness at the cross. This is the grace of God that He will reach out to you in darkness, in your darkness and to draw you into His light. Would you this morning repent, turn from your ways and seek Christ. O, He's coming here to, to heal the brokenhearted. He's not here to look for good people, there is none, He's looking for bad people, like me, like you, like all of us. I pray you'll come to the love of Christ, the love of God shown on the cross. My dear brothers and sisters, if you today are in marriage, please don't give up the fight. Fight for it, if not for your kids, if not for yourself, fight for the sake of the Gospel, fight for the sake of Christ and His Church, fight because it is worth it, fight because God will grow you in and through it, fight because you know that God is sovereign and working all things together for good to you, fight because you know He has not left you alone.

And when you fight, don't fight with your flesh and blood, fight in the power of the Spirit, fight motivated by the fountain of the Gospel. Drink from it, refresh yourself in the amazing forgiveness and love of God in Christ, nourish your heart with these realities, so that when you face someone who you think today is unlovely, you shower him or her with your love, with God's love and see her, see him blossom with love and see how you yourself will blossom with love and don't you see, this is how the Church, the followers of Jesus Christ will stand out and shine as lights in the dark. Fight for it, it's worth it.

Father blessed Your people this morning, may the grace of God melt hearts, heal lives, restore families for Your sake. We ask this in Jesus' Name, amen.

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