Last week, we looked at what it means to be a godly wife. The chief characteristic of a godly wife is the spirit of submission. She is respectful towards her husband. And I pray that as wives, you will take this Word of God and er... say, "Dear God, help me be that wife you want me to be.” But I also hope that the husbands did not take the sermon last week and abuse it towards your wife. Meaning you hold it up and you criticise her and you demand of her. I don't think that's a spirit we need to approach the subject last week because I'm sure this is not the spirit you want your wife to come in to this morning as well. Because this morning we're looking at the loving husband. And the one thing the husband doesn't want is for the wife to take notes today and go home and say, "See! See! See! See!" You see that is not the spirit by which we need to hear the Word of God. For the husband, I say to you, hear this message and pray to God that you will change your life and make you the husband He wants you to be. But as the wife, you come, you hear this message not so much you find ammunition to criticise your husband but that you find points and spheres and arenas to pray for your husband. So I hope last week husbands don't abuse your wives. Pray for your wives. This week, wives, hear the Word of God and pray also for your husbands. But this is a message today, focusing on being a loving husband. Now, I think preaching to the husband is harder than preaching to the wives. Why? Number one, er... I think the standard that we are taught to as husbands is higher than that of the wives. Simply because we are called to be leaders in the family. But number two, why I think this is so difficult for husband is that, husbands are generally very blur. Believe it or not, men are very poor in marriage. They are very blur with regards to how a marriage should work. I saw this video clip, I'm going to share it with you. It's by Gary Smalley. He's a marriage expert and counsellor. He's a Christian teacher. Now, this video is done in humour. So it is to show what you are not supposed to be. Alright? So listen to this with a pinch of salt and convince yourself husbands, we are really bad in marriage.

(Video Played)

So today, we're going to look at the loving husbands. So important, six tips you will forget. Six terrible, horrible tips you'll forget. But I hope today you'll remember this, alright? Husbands are to be loving husbands. You see the Bible is very clear. It doesn't call you to be a rich husband, a handsome husband, a smart husband. It calls you to be a loving husband. In Ephesians chapter 5, the verses go, “Husbands love your wives as Christ love the church and gave himself up for her.” In the same way, husbands should love their wives. Verse 28 and then in verse 33, it's the same thing. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself. So it's very clear that the demand of scripture is that we will be loving husbands. And that is the chief characteristic we must have, in leading our homes. Before the first service this morning, someone came up to me and said, a gentleman, a husband of course, he came up to me, shook my hand and said, "Pastor, "so xia liu qing!" (in Mandarin), means have mercy upon us. Well, let me say this. As I share on the loving husband, the first person who needs this message is myself. Above anything else, as I go through the Word, and as I preach with you, I feel like a hypocrite. But here we are, going to look at, at least what Scripture has to say about being a loving husband. Now, it's easy to say we've got to love, but what does it really looked like if we are a loving husband? So let's break it down into 5 very simple aspects of true love. A loving husband would have true love and true love looks like um this: alright? First of all, let's define love. What is love? Love is not about feelings. Love is not about myself. I believe one of the best definition I can think of for love is that it is an unconditional giving of yourself for the good of another. So a good husband is someone who understands this and lives this out. He understands that I am to unconditionally give myself for the good of my wife. Notice it has nothing to do with I love her because I enjoy being with her. It is nothing to do with I love her because she is my best friend. I love her because I feel most satisfied and fulfilled with her. It has nothing to do with you. It's nothing to do with feelings. Love is an action. Love is the unconditional giving of yourself for the good of another.

So today looking at the loving husband with that basic definition, let's break it down into 5 simple parts. 5 different perspectives of true love. Number one, I believe true love is sensitive. In other words, it is aware, it is alert, it is attentive. Notice Peter saying to us in First Peter chapter 3, "Likewise husbands live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honour to the women as the weaker vessel". The Bible doesn't allow for men to abuse his authority and bully his wife. No, the Bible tells us you've got to understand your wife so that you may honour her. The King James says, "Live with your wives according to knowledge". So it begins right here. If you want to be a loving husband, you've got to be someone who understands your wife or at least working always towards understanding your wife. Do you understand your wife? How many of you say, "I underst...", how many of you dare... to say you understand your wife? Can I see by a show of hands? (Wait for response) OK, after I use the word "dare", nobody dares. But I find this very true, the Chinese we say, "Nu ren xin (pause) (someone in congregation response) hai di zhen" Wow, very good, your Chinese! What does it mean? It means a woman's heart is like a needle at the bottom of the ocean. Can you search for it? Very hard isn't it? And so the Chinese says "Nu ren xin, hai di zhen" is very hard to really grasp and understand what the women has to think and similarly in the western world, we have this statement, "Men are from Mars and women are from... (Pause) Venus". And so it's a very different world we come from. The husband you may think you really understand your wife. But the reality is, often times we don't. It's very hard. A story's told about a couple, the wife is turning 40 and so the husband wanted to sur...wanted to grant her a very, very pleasant birthday memory. And so he asked her, "Dear, what would you like for birthday celebration? What will you really, really want?" The wife thought for a moment and say, "Dear, I... I really want to be ten again!" And so he wanted to make a very, very memorable surprise of birthday celebration and so, he went ahead to book a Mc Donald restaurant, book the whole place, and er...then, decorated it with all the fun, kiddy stuff. Got happy meals for all the guests. So that they have a great time. After that, he brought her to an amusement park and took all the kinds of rides, kiddy rides, exciting rides and they had such a wonderful time enjoying just being ten again. Now, after going through all the rides, it was late at night. She went home, she collapsed on the bed, because she was so tired. And, and her husband came to her and says, "Dear, did you enjoy the birthday party I planned for you and all the day's events?" The wife says, "Well, I really appreciate it but I'm really, really tired!" "But did you like it?" "Say, not really." "But why? I thought you wanted to be ten again?" And she opened her eyes so big, and looked at him with such a look of incredulity that she says, "Dear, I meant size ten! Not age ten!" (Laughter from congregation). It's very hard to understand our wives. But the Bible says you got to live with your wife in an understanding way. You got to dwe...dwell with her according to knowledge. By the way, men and women have very different needs. Just to help you along, if men you don't already know, do you know what are the top 5 needs of a man in marriage? (Pause) I asked the first service, nobody knew. Men, what are your top 5 needs in marriage? (Pause) (Someone in congregation response) Sorry? Appreciation. Ok, good. (Someone in congregation response) Sorry? Respect. That's what was preached last week. Good! (Pause) OK, women, what do you need in marriage? (Pause) (Someone in congregation response) Love. OK, good! What else? (Pause) Errr? Let me break it down for you, alright? According to Chuck Swindoll, he's a well-known Bible teacher. In his book ‘Great Awakening’, he gives you five needs of the wives and then five needs of the husband, or reverse it. Let me show you first the five needs of the husband. Number one, sexual fulfillment. Number two, recreational companionship. Number three, an attractive spouse. Number four, domestic support. Number five, admiration and respect. These are the needs of the men. What about the needs of the wife? Would it be the same? Do you expect it to be the same? Now, all of you men are looking at this... yah... should be the same lah! (Laughter from congregation) Should be the same... you wish! Haha...the whole difficulty in marriage is that men are from Mars and women are from Venus! So we often misread and misrepresent each other. So let's look at the needs of the wife. It's very different. The needs of the wife: Number one, right on top of the list - affection. Number two, conversation. Number three, honesty and openness. Number four, financial support. Number five, family commitment. This is of course according to surveys on the ladies and the men that were in the States. But these are the different needs and if as a man, you think that loving your wife means bringing food, bringing money back home, you ain't going to meet the needs of your wife. Because so often, we men in Singapore, we think that all it takes in marriage is for me to work hard, bring in the money, and that's all my wife wants from me. After all, that's all I want for myself. No, if you just bring in the money, if you just earn the keeps, you have not begun to meet the needs of your wife. So you've got to understand that. You can bring in a car, a house, but at the end of the day, she will tell you, but this is not what I want. I'm not met in my needs, I'm not fulfilled in my life. Because she needs more than those things you thought were sufficient for her. Now, is it easy to understand your wife? Not really. That's where you've got to work at it. You've got to study. You've got to listen to your wife. You've got to... you've got to find out from her what she really wants. And would you do that? You should do that because true love is sensitive. You say where is attentive? By the way, that's the same way Jesus loves us. Think about it. Jesus did not only die for us. He came in our flesh, He came in human flesh, so that He may understand us. The Bible tells us, He was tempted in all points, like as we are. Why? So that He may fully understand us. So that He may be our compassionate and merciful high priest. He was touched in every point. Like as we are. You see, He came to understand fully who we are. Husband, who loves his wife, does the same way. He seeks to understand her. So, if you want to love your wife, it begins right here. Would you work at understanding her? And not just providing for her? Begin right here! True love is sensitive. Number two, true love obviously is sacrificial. Not only must you know what she wants and what she needs, you must be willing to sacrifice, to give to her. Love in its essence is sacrifice. Love in its essence is about giving. And true love is about giving. It's giving without expecting something in return. By the way, that's what giving is. You give, not because you...you give to your wife not because you want something from her. But you give to your wife because you love her. You're willing to sacrifice. Not asking anything in return. And by the way, giving, I say is not just in the big things, you know when we talk about sacrifice, you always think about, abou... about this man who's willing to jump into the river to save her wife. And we think it's that once in a lifetime drama... mama stuff. No, I think sacrifice is best seen in a day to day life. You say, true love is sacrificial, I'm willing to die for my wife. Let me ask you, are you willing to die for your wife everyday? You say, "How?" In doing the little things of life. There's this...ah...lady, this wife who said to the husband, "Dear, I know you're willing to die for me. You've said it many times. But whilst you're waiting to die, can you at least get up and help me sweep the floor? (Laughter from congregation). Dying for your wife is about the little things of life. And I think it's very real especially when you are working outside in your career, in your office, after a hard day's work, you... you know the natural man says, "After a hard day's work, what do I want when I go home? I want to be pampered like a king. It's my territory, it's my lair, it's my den! This is my world, and so when I go home, I expect my wife and so on to take care of me." But you do know what is dying to self? Dying to self means even after a terrible day at work, you go home, not expecting to be served by your wife, but you go home dying for your wife. Sacrificing for her. You're tired, she's tired. But you say, “Dear, you go and take a rest, I'll do this or take care of this.” Now when you do that, you're dying to yourself a little everytime. That's what real love is. It's in the small things. It's not in the big things. Yes, it will come, but begin with the small things. Wives won't you want, won't you be happy if your husband were to just die for you everyday in those ways? Washing the dishes, um, sweeping the floor, taking care of the kids so that you can have some time on your own. Wouldn't it be great if he's willing to just be not so stingy and bring you out for nice dinner once in a while and by the way, it takes dying for the husband to do that. But that's all part of sacrifice. Dying for your spouse. Let me show you another video. This video is about how men are generally romantically challenged and not very good in love and romance but the real key role, a real man of faith, a...a...a real man who walks with Jesus is someone who sacrifices for his wife and for his kids. So this is again a humourous video. Hope you enjoy it and may this register also in your mind.

(Video played)

Well, that's a real man, isn't it? A real man who follows Jesus is someone who doesn't use his wife but gives himself for his wife. That's what Jesus did. And I say to you, it's not easy. It's never easy to sacrifice. It's never easy to live for others because we're so sinful in our thinking. We're so self-centered in the way we operate. But look to Jesus, be broken before Jesus. If, if, if we're here to lord over your wife, you're here to use your authority to clobber her head. That's not real manhood. A real man is someone who serves and sacrifices and gives himself for her. True leadership is not lording over people, true leadership is loving people. Jesus did it. And may our husbands love our wives the way Jesus love his church, by giving himself. So true love is sacrificial. But thirdly, can I move on? Because time is short. Besides, the fact that true love is sensitive, you've got to know how to love them and you've got to be willing to love them. Can I add that emotional touch to love? And that is true love is also sweet. See, this is what the Bible says in Ephesians 5, For no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and look at this word "cherishes" it. The word "cherish" is a beautiful word. It's the word that means to warm. So you're to warm your wife. In that Old Testament, it is an equivalent word, it's for a bird to sit on the eggs. You know you want to incubate the eggs, you sit on the egg, so the Bible says, sit on your ... uh...no... you don't sit on your wife, alright? But you warm your wife. You are to love her with warm and tenderness. See, you... we men can treat our wives in a very cold way, isn't it? We can give her the cold shoulder. When things don't go our way, we can sulk and pout, sit in the corner, withdraw and just ignore her, give her the cold treatment. But the Bible does tell us, that the church is nourished, is cherished by Christ and that's the way husbands, we should treat our wives, we should cherish them, to warm them. You say, Pastor how do I warm my wife? Uh...aircon control or what? How...how do I warm my wife? How can I be warm towards her? Can I suggest to you very simple things? I know guys, you're not very good at such things, right? At least, Singaporean guys, Chinese guys, we...very standoffish, we're very awkward, but you can do very tender, sweet things. And you may practise it tonight, alright? Suggest a few things to you. Number one, use touch. But use touch in a non-sexual way, alright? Uh...married men, you know, you may touch your wives for sexual reasons, but no, real love is sweet and, and using a touch in a very non-sexual way. Just to show your affection for her. It can be a simple thing like holding her hands or giving her a hug. In a story, it's told of a couple who visited a marriage counsellor. And they had problems in their marriage. They couldn't figure out why and the counsellor heard them throughout and he finally found the problem of their marriage. So he stood up and said to the wife, "Would you also stand up?" And when she stood up, he went over to her and gave her a big hug. Big squeeze. And then he said to the husband, "This is what your wife needs. Do it for her every single day." The husband looks at the counsellor and says, "Alright, so what time do I bring her back to you tomorrow?" (Laughter from congregation) We're not very good at showing our affections for our wives. It takes a hand shake...uh...not handshake...holding her hands, takes hugging her, it takes maybe a simple kiss, every single morning and I already told you the benefits of kissing. Er... in a marriage relationship, you get to live 5 years longer, according to statistics. And you earn generally more than the other person who doesn't kiss the wife in the morning, 20 to 30 percent. It's quite a lot, right? (Laughing) Er...statistics...but beyond that, we do all that because we want to cherish our wives. Now, besides touch, it may also involve speech and language or your words, words huh...and something that wives would always not get sick of hearing is... (pause) huh you all laugh, don't, don't have words ah? (Laughing) So what are the words, wives you like to hear? Three magic words? Wow...how come I'm not hearing properly...the three magic words are... (Congregation response: "I love you")...I love you. Some men, we, we, we just...I tell you ah, I'm a hypocrite when I preach this message, alright? But, some men we just find it so difficult to say "I love you". It's almost like want to kill you to say those words. Or some of us have this mindset part, I've already say I love you on wedding day. And if there is any change, I would have told you. (Laughter from congregation) But that's not what your wife wants, your wife wants you to every single day, reaffirm sweet words to her, to us, we call it sweet nothings, really nothing lah, because... no change what, but that's not what a man and a woman... that's why man and woman are different. We, we need to show affections with our touch, with our words, and maybe one more thing. We need to show our affection with our ears. Listen to your wife. I know that's a very dangerous thing to do, for husbands. Er, dear, would you like to tell me what happen today? Wow, then jia lak liao (in Hokkien)! You... you got to be stuck for a long time. Maybe, some of you. And it's a dangerous thing sometimes to say. But it is often a necessary thing also to say. Just recently my wife said, you should ask me...what is it huh, Winnie? (Laughing) She's outside! I should ask me how's my day? Everyday, she wants me to ask her. I mean, uh...I...I... I think I know what happen in her life, but that's not the point. It's not the information that I need. It's the emotional connection that she needs. So, husbands, would you begin by asking your wives, how's your day? Er, let me say this: If you want to do that, you've got to be very prepared, alright? For a few things: Number one, the way a wife talks and the way we communicate is very different. So if you ask her how's her day, she may...she may talk about some thing and then she goes to another thing and then to another thing. It's like going around the world. You...you know why? Because there's this theory lah, I...I'm not sure. I didn't find this in the Bible. There's this theory that men are like waffles and women are like...sp... you all know what? Women are like? Spaghetti. You say why? Waffles are compartments, boxes, so man likes to think in compartments, in boxes. I'm generalising of course. But man are good at focusing on things. That's why you can hide in your room and do your project for a long time, come out with a great invention like Steve Jobs. Can, KL (unintelligible) Apple? He can stay there and focus for a long, long while. That's the strength of a man but that's also the limitation of the man. He can't go from subject 1 to subject 2 very easily. So, for example, when he sits in front of the T.V., he watches the T.V.. He's in the T.V. box. And when a wife is talking, he can't get out of the box. She's talking but he's not...definitely not listening. He's just in the T.V. box. So it's not easy for a man to switch gears. He's a waffle thinker. But a woman is not a waffle, generally. A woman is a spaghetti, or her mind works like spaghetti. And you know spaghetti is one strand touch another strand, touch another strand, touch all over the place. So she can start talking about baking a cake, then she can go about the school bus, then she can talk about the dress, and then the current affairs, and then how she feels, her grandmother's story last time, and it's like where did they go? I mean it's like this spaghetti. It's just going everywhere and for the man who thinks like a waffle, he says "Wow, this is very stressful! From... from this box and, and it's jumping all the time." But the woman is just gliding along. And also it's difficult because woman speaks more than man. Do you know that? I'm told that women speak 45,000 words a day. A man needs to speak about 15,000 words a day. And most of the time, 15,000 already used up in the work place, so when they come home, it's going to be er...difficult because she has 45,000 words to say to you. And you probably have nothing else to say. Umm, but she needs to be listened to. She needs, that's what...that's why she has to tell you all the things because she's not really telling you information. She just wants to have emotional connection. And so one of the best thing you can do for your wife is to listen to her. Listen to her. So how can I be sweet? How can I be sweet? I can be sweet with my touch. I can be sweet with my words. And I can sweet...be sweet in my ears. That's how you are sweet to your wife. And would you do that? Because I believe Jesus love us sweetly. Isn't it so? Throughout the Bible, God's love letter to us is always telling us how much He loves us. He's always telling us, He's not ashamed to show that, isn't it? And the Holy Spirit is in us, to pour out the love of God in our hearts. He wants us to know. And as a husband, if we're to love our wives the same way, then we must be demonstrative, and we must be willing to cherish our wives. True love is sweet.

Now, let me move on to point number 4. This switches gears. Point number 4 says true love is not only sacrificial, sensitive, or sweet. True love is sanctifying. This is taken from Ephesians 5. The way Jesus loves the church. The Bible says that He might sanctify her. That is to say set her apart, make her pure. Having cleanse her by the washing of water with the Word. So that He might present the church to Himself in splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish. How did Christ love the church? He loves the church so much that He died for them, died for us, died for the church. Cleanse us of our sins. And is always bringing us towards the path of holiness, of righteousness, of purity. A husband is to love his wife by bringing her to the path of righteousness, of purity, of Godliness. In other words, a husband has to take responsibility to lead his family spiritually. Too often, too often we see in churches, men taking a back seat and the wives taking a front driver position, in saying, "Kids you must go to church!"; "Kids you must studying the Bible!"; "Hey, we all should serve the Lord!" And the husband is just staying back there, relaxing, chilling out, because all he's concerned about is his career. That's not being a responsible, good husband who loves his wife. Good husband is a inspiration for the family, taking spiritual leadership. He leads by example, he studies the Scripture, he grows in Christ, he dedicates himself to the Lord's service. He loves the people around him. He takes steps of faith. He is a true leader. He doesn't just tell his wife to do this, do that, but he himself believes God, loves God, serves God. The true husband sanctifies. You see, the wife is the reflection of the husband in the home. If our wives have faults and failures and are spiritually lacking, the first place to look is my spiritual leadership in the home. This is a godly husband talking here. He doesn't say my wife just doesn't love God, not spiritually interested. It's all her fault! No, a good leader takes the buck! The good leader doesn't say it's their fault. A good leader says, "First of all, it's my fault." And so he takes spiritual leadership. He watches his wife and he sees his own leadership. The success of it or the failure of it. But he's absolutely accountable. And he takes his calling from God seriously. I'm the head of my family which means I've to lead my family towards Christ-likeness. Do you know at the end of the day, who is going to be more accountable? For your family? Your kids? Yourself? Your husband? Your wife? I find this very interesting that when Adam and Eve sinned, God said these words: The Lord God called to the man and said to him, "Where are you?" Interesting leh! Because who sin first? Eve! But God is calling who into account? Adam! Why? Because he is the head! That's why I say to you, the husband, you don't have a lower standard to meet, you have a higher standard to meet. You're the leader! God looks to you. He knocks on your door and ask you: "What are you doing with your family?" True love is sanctifying. Leads the family in spiritual things. But let me end with point number 5. Umm, I hope the husbands will not really give me a punch today. Alright? No one gave me lunch last week by the way. This week, therefore no punch, alright? But the last thing about true love. True love is not only sensitive, sacrificial, sweet and sanctifying. True love must be steadfast. Hollywood love is variable. Fleshly love is variable. I love you when I feel like it. I don't love you when I don't feel like it. I love you when you fulfilled me, but I will not love you when you don't fulfilled me. That's the wrong kind of love. That's the love of the world. That's the Hollywood kind of brand. But the love we're talking about in the Bible is a Christ-like love. Is the...what we will call the Agape love. It's the God and divine love. And the God-like divine love is an unconditional love. It's a steadfast love. It doesn't fade away. It doesn't fade away. We see so many times, we watch movies and T.V. serials and it says when my wife changes, or when my wife does not meet my needs any more or hey...when I married her, she's not like this! So when we have all these things, we find them as excuses to tell ourselves we don't have to love her anymore. Because she's changed! Because she's not who I expected her to be. Because she can't meet my needs anymore! No excuse! When you see the love of Jesus Christ. He loves us while we were yet sinners and you love your wife regardless. Because your love is to be an unconditional one, like that of the Lord Jesus Christ. You see, it's very easy, folks, to fall in love. All young people here, er...and all of you who are married, you know it's very easy to fall in love. But it takes divine grace to stay in love. But true love is steadfast, it doesn't change. You know, there's this couple who were lying on bed, old couple, they were lying on the bed and the wife is just remarking, "You know, dear, I...I missed those days, the early days when we were married when you would nibble at my ear. You know, tender affectionate sweet love, you would nibble at my ear." The husband immediately got out and went out of the room. She says, "Where are you going?" And her husband says, "I'm going to get my dentures!" (Laughter from congregation) How we wish our love would last through the years. Isn't it? That we would keep loving each other. Because real love is steadfast. Like I said, I feel like the biggest hypocrite preaching this message. But this is what the Word of God has to say. My question to all of us, including myself, all you men and myself, this is the question you should ask yourself, you shouldn't ask yourself, is my wife respectful or submissive. That's what you pray for her for. That's what she has to settle with God. But for you and I, let's ask ourselves this question, Lord, am I a loving husband? Or am I lording over my family? Am I a real man who serves and sacrifices or am I someone who just abuses my position for my own sake? This is the question: Am I a loving husband? Some of you may have this question, I want to dispel a few questions...you may say...but pastor, I don't feel like...I can love, but I don't feel it. Can I say something about feelings and love? This is, I think, very helpful for me. By Dr. Tony Campollo. He said this: I challenged those who come to me for marriage counselling this way. If you do what I tell you to do for an entire month, I can promise you that by the end of the month, you will be in love with your mate. Are you willing to give it a try? When couples accept my challenge, the results are invariably successful. My prescription for creating love is simple. Do ten things each day that you would do if you were really in love. I know that if people do loving things, it will not be long before they experience the feelings that are often identified as being in love. Love is not those feelings. Love is what one wills to do, to make the other person happy and fulfilled. Often, we don't realised that what a person does, influences what he feels. See, this is the paradigm, we think that we need to feel like we love our wives before we do things to love our wives. But biblically speaking, love is an action word. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son. We were His enemies, but He did it. And so I say to you, we must not hide behind the excuse and say I must feel like it before I can serve my wife. No, you do what love demands of you to do and you'd be surprised. What a person does will influence how he feels. So, let's not have excuses for ourselves. I don't feel like loving my wife. See how Jesus love you and go ahead and do it. Love your wife. But you say, pastor, I forgot what you say already. You've got 5 'S', so many things, aiyah, can't remember lah! So, we give ourselves another excuse. So can I give you no excuse and... and summarise for you the loving husband in practical things. Number one, your wife needs you to be the spiritual leader of your home. She needs more than just a steady paycheck. Don't ever say to yourself, because I earn the money, I've done my part. No, she has needs beyond financial stability. She needs you to be a spiritual leader at home. Number two, she needs you to be her teammate in raising the kids and taking care of the home. And provide her some time away from the home too. Raising kids is not the ministry of your wife alone. It might be some of our thinking in Chinese families. But according to the Scripture, it is the responsibilities of both parents and if there is anyone who is in charge, not the wife, the husband - the father. Number three, she needs you to treat her like a princess. She does. She may not look like a princess already, it's ok. But you're still to treat her like a princess! Unconditional love. Treat her with sweetness and affection. Treat her as if she was perfect and watch the difference in her. It's amazing how love would enable someone to flourish. You...you don't wait for her to flourish before you love her. You love her till she is lovely. Remember that song? That's what it's all about. Number four, she needs you to communicate with her. Dear, how's your day? That' the opening line alright? If guys, you do not know how to talk, just...this is my wife's recipe for me, just ask me how's my day? Why you all laugh? (Laughing) Never ask before is it? Husband, ask... or try, alright? Try this week, try everyday. Do it for 30 days and soon you'll want to ask more, alright? Number five, she needs her friends and needs you to allow time with the girls. But ultimately, she wants you to be her best friend. Number six, she needs you to be a triple A encourager. To appreciate, to affirm and to admire her. Keep on saying you're thankful for her. Hear her...let her hear you pray to God that you are thankful for her. Affirms her, appreciate her. Number seven, she needs to feel emotionally filled, before she desires to be sexually involved. We'll deal with that in two week's time. Number eight, she needs you to understand that there are somethings you'll never understand. It's true, men will never understand somethings. But notice this, alright, she'll need your shoulder at times more than your mouth, more than an explanation on why she feels like she does. Because the real problem is not the problem. The real problem is the emotions that are attached to the problem. And in the sharing, she wants you to understand her and affirm her and connect with her. So this is about the loving husband.

I close with a testimony of true love. By Dr. Robertson McQuilken. He's a man of passion. You can go back, google on YouTube his name, and there will be a video called 'A man of passion'. He's a man passionate for God. He doesn't have a passion for selfish things. That's what is remarkable about his passion. Actually, a lot of us has passion, but our passions are always...mostly self-generated and self-centered. But remarkable thing about Robertson Mcquilken is that the people say he's a man of passion for God. He has a heart for the great commission. He loves to see souls saved. And so for twelve years of his life, he went to plant churches in Japan. And he was successful. Because he really love the people. He learned their language. He studied how biblical theology would sit best with Japanese mentality. And according to the video which I've watched. It is said that Robertson McQuilken was successful because the people saw the integrity of his life. And saw the way he treated his wife. Let me say this: I believe true Christian ministry is not going around with our mouth alone. True Christian ministry and especially missions, is when you have a real life to back it up. He did. And people saw, the way he had run his family, serve his family and love his wife. After twelve years, he returned to the States and became the president of the Columbia International University. Serve there for twenty-two years. Wrote many books. Some of which we've used in GLCC - Life in the spirit, cost was one. But what is most remarkable about Robertson McQuilken and what he's most famous for is probably the way he resigned from his presidency as...er...in the Columbia University. His wife, his life-long partner for forty over years was stricken with Alzheimer disease and was slowly fading away. And he dedicated himself and said that I'll quit my job and give my life, my time to serving my wife. I don't think, I'll put it anything better than Robertson McQuilken himself. And so here is the video, to show you and to hear from it exactly what he said.

(Video played)

I hope the Lord is speaking to your hearts. (Music played in background). If our Christianity doesn't change our life, it is not worth anything. Christ did not die just to give us a ticket to heaven. He died to change us, to sanctify us, to purify us. He came to change our lives, our homes, our marriages. This morning, He wants to do the same. So come with a tender, tender heart. Humble, receptive, to the role of the husband. Stand up and be a true man. Man who would love his wife, give for his wife. It's not easy. Takes a whole lifetime to learn and to grow. But, would you commit yourself, because Jesus committed himself to you. How sad when we are hardened in our hearts towards our wives. How sad when the mystery of the gospel is marred in our homes, because we are disobedient and would not, be humble before the Lord. How sad! When the person we pledge to love with all our hearts, for...until the end of time, would be left in the cold. But what glory, what glory when you love your wife as Christ love the church. What glory when your wife sees you and she sees Jesus. What glory, when your kids look at you and they see Jesus. What glory, when your friends, your colleagues, your families sees you and they see Jesus. What glory it brings to Jesus Christ! This morning, it's not about you. It's about Christ and His gospel. It is to be represented in your home. The Lim family. The Tan family. The Wong family. It's to be seen in your home. And man, God has called you to be the leader. Adam, where are you? Come back to God today! Turn from your ways. Be broken before Him and experience afresh and anew the empowering, the empowering grace of God. To enable you to live, and to love as Jesus did. All you dear wives, would you at this time, be praying for your husband. Not to...use these messages, again to hammer against him but would you pray for him? It's tough! Just as it was tough for you to hear the message last week. This is tough! It's really, really tough! And only Jesus is enough. But let's pray that we will all, both husband and wife, through the marriage pilgrimage, become the real deal. When deep mystery becomes majesty. So whatever there is, that you need to make in your heart. Decisions before the Lord, prayers, would you do that right here, right now! You know, it's not about someone else beside you. It's not about anyone else, it's about you. It's about me. May God have mercy! (Music played) My dear friends, if you're here today for the first time, I just want to encourage you, this is not so much about husband and wife only. I want to tell you about Jesus, I want to tell you about His love. If you see this love as amazing, near impossible. Let me say this, someone has already done it for you. Jesus...has done it for you. He knew your needs. He sacrificed Himself. He tells you He loves you. And He'll love you until the end, because He gave His life for you while you were a sinner. And His call is out to you today. Come unto me, come unto me. Turn from your sin and believe in Jesus Christ. He sets you free and you know what? When you receive this love of Jesus, that's where you truly flourish, that's where you truly blossom, that's where you truly find life! And so if you're here and you do not know Jesus, would you receive this love, as Jesus woos you today by His Spirit, through the preaching of His Word. A step of faith, of turning from sin, and believing in Jesus Christ.

(Prayer) Father we thank you today for your Word. So much that is spoken, so much that needs to be processed. But by your Spirit, we pray we will hide your Words in our hearts and seek to live it out by the empowering grace of your Holy Spirit. So bless each family here, bless each and everyone. We thank you. We pray all these now in Jesus' name. Amen.