I was brought up in a family that favoured sons over daughters. And having gone through a divorce myself, I learned to be a very self-reliant person. I was going through a difficult time in my life when a friend advised me that I should embrace religion. But I deemed reliance on God was for the weak-minded.
When I was young, I had some inclination toward Christianity although I was not from a Christian family. I tried once to read the bible but it didn't go beyond the first page. This inclination of mine was short-lived. Moreover, with my observation of some Christians' disrespectful attitudes towards other religions and church-related saga in the news, I turned away from Christianity, but I still believe there is a good God in this universe. Whenever Christian friends or relatives invited me to church, I would tell them that I don't believe in going to church to worship God as having God in my heart is good enough. Moreover, I treasured my sleep on Sundays.
For over 30 years, I did not step once into a church for worship service. But one Christmas, I decided to accept my colleague's invitation to Gospel Light. Life went on as usual till 4 months later, I had a nonsensical "romantic" encounter with a Catholic Christian online which was beyond my own understanding so I sought a supernatural explanation.
In my search, a bible verse caught my attention, Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths." God understood me well by showing me this verse.
Coincidently, the next day, another colleague passed me an invitation to GLCC's service series on Secrets of the Kingdom, I accepted it, hoping to find the secret. I was shocked when I saw Proverbs 3:5-6 projected on the screen at the start of the service, and then while singing "There is a fountain" and "Behold the Lamb", I could not control my tears, they kept flowing non-stop. The lyrics made me realize that I am a sinner and Jesus has died on the cross for me to wash away all my sins, which I don't feel deserving at all.
From that Sunday onwards, I looked forward to attending church service, sacrificing my sleep. I also replaced my daily watching of Korean dramas with Pastor Jason's YouTube sermons. His way of teaching the bible totally changed my perspective of Christianity and, I always found answers to my prayers and doubts through his sermons. Basically, it was like I asked and was given, I sought and I found. But I struggled with this newfound faith as I wrestled between doubts and the possibility that God was guiding me.
Till one Sunday, Pastor Jason preached about the Jews asking for more signs from Jesus when He had already shown them so many signs. Wasn't I like the Jews? God has shown me so many signs and I still have doubts and sought for more assurance. I had another emotional breakdown after the service when a sister in Christ said to me, God has already stretched out His Hand to you, why are you still doubting Him?
After some contemplation, I decided to let the Holy Spirit in me lead. I had peace, no matter how daunting and lonely the paths seem to me. It was not my introverted nature, for example, to join a CG, sign up for new believers' class or attend Church camp. Yet God put everything in place for me. He sent the correct people to me at His own perfect timing. Everything just fell into place like a jigsaw puzzle for me. This is my story of knowing Jesus my Savior.