I grew up in a home where an altar with red lights, incense and scary looking "god" statues sat prominently in my home. As such I started fearing death at a young age and I remember being the last one in the family to sleep. When I had to switch off the living room lights, I would run as fast as I could into my room as the red lights from the altar filled the house and my heart with much fear. My family would go to the temple every start of the year to pray and I always remember being in fear, stepping into the temple, seeing the scary idols. I would reflect on myself and try to forcefully change my ways to be a righteous person so that I wouldn't go to hell to be punished. Despite the fear, I was a rebellious child, always disrespectful, rude, short-tempered, angry, hateful, selfish, more so to the people closest to me. There was no way that anyone could have changed me at that stage.
When I was 17, I fell into depression and struggled with anxiety attacks. I struggled to find a "god" to pray for help, there were too many in Taoism and this confused me. As a teenager, I believed that there was only one God, but I did not know who that God was. I knew nothing about Christianity, nothing about prayers, no prior exposure to church, but I knew of Christians praying and ending with an "Amen". Finally, feeling overwhelmed with hopelessness, and depression, I was on the verge of suicide. But somehow I prayed to God secretly that day and then multiple times the day onward, I felt peace and comfort in my heart that I never felt before. After a month, I started being curious about creation so I downloaded the Bible app and read the Bible in secret for a year, still not having the courage to tell anybody around me of my new belief especially my parents. One of the verses that God touched my heart with was Matthew 7:7, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you". I continued praying for God to give me courage, to tell my family and for God to lead me to a church that He wants me to grow in.
God finally gave me the courage to open up to my family and they were very open-minded and were not against it. Following their approval, God led me to Gospel Light Christian Church in Jan 2017 where I grew and came to know Christ personally and had a relationship with God that is so close, personal and intimate, I have never felt such love, joy and peace, all that my soul has always been longing for. After knowing Christ, my heart has never been more full. He changed me, He changed my heart, He removed my heart of stone and gave me a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 11:19). I started to notice my desires changing as I grew to be more loving, patient and respectful of the people around me and especially my family. Since then, I've been knowing, growing and going as a young believer. Serving in the youth ministry and the youth worship ministry as God has called me to. I cannot put into words how much love I have for my God who first loved me (1 John 4:19). I can now so boldly proclaim that my life is devoted to God and I will only serve God and His kingdom all the days of my life. Even through trials and sufferings, I’m able to rejoice, to rest in the peace I have from God and the trust I have in Him that through all He is moulding and shaping me to be more Christ-like. I thank God for everything He has done for me on that Cross.
My life verse:
"But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God" Acts 20:24