Now this morning, we are also continuing our series through Focus on the Family. And for the past seven weeks, we have been really looking at married life. We have been looking at marriage between a husband and a wife. But let me say this, although we've been looking at marriages, I've not forgotten the singles in our church. And I'm grateful for all the singles who have been sticking it through with us for the past seven weeks because I think it's important for singles to obtain a balanced and biblical view to marriage so that you will not over desire marriage, neither will you under desire marriage. But today, for singles, there is a focus sermon today all on singleness or singlehood. And I believe this is a message not just for singles but also for all of us, why, because if you're married, it is likely that you will have singles in your life, you will have kids, you will have children and you grew up to be singles, and you need to know what the scripture has to say for singleness.

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Also, I think this is valid because as a church, we need to understand how we are to treat the singles in church. Because the church is a very diverse group of people- we have married people, we have single people, and sometimes married people can look down on single people, single people can look down on married people. And we don't really know how to deal with and treat each other. So we need to, all as a church, understand singleness not just for ourselves, for our kids, but also for the church, for the glory of God. And so today, for singleness, I just want to ask and answer three simple questions: No: 1, why is singleness also great? Singleness is also great, but why? and No: 2, we are gonna look at what we have to do when we have to wait. Some of us are in the state of singleness right now and you do want to get married but you're waiting. So what do you do when you have to wait?

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And thirdly, when you have a target locked-on, you have a prospective spouse, maybe, what do you do in dating? So, we're gonna look at why singleness is also great, what do you have to do when you have to wait, and how you are to date. So it rhymes, it's easy. And so here we go, number one, why is singleness also great? You see this is important because after seven weeks as a church, looking at marriage, we, I hope, will obtain a very Biblical and high view of marriage. See, when you look at the Bible, the Bible really extols the blessing of marriage. God says marriage is a great thing, so we have a high view of marriage. But the side effect of that is that when we see that marriage is on a high view, is over-extolled position, we may not have a low view when it comes to singleness.

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See the reasoning is this, wow, marriage is great, therefore, singleness is not so great. Oh! marriage is very important, therefore, singleness is not so important. And that's the unwanted side effect. But what I'm trying to do here is to say, wow, the Bible says marriage is great, but let's remember, singleness is also great. But it is not easy for us to believe this because we live in a culture that doesn't quite promote this idea. We live in a culture that promotes marriage. And if you are Chinese, and I see that many of you are Chinese like myself, we extol marriage. In fact, Chinese Proverbs go like this, "Nan da deng hun, Niu da deng jia." Now for those of you who do not know Chinese, it means that "When you are man you should be married, and when you're a woman, you also should be married."

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So basically, all should be married. "Nan da deng hun, Niu da deng jia." You say, "Why?" Why should the Chinese value marriage so much? Well it may be related to this, we all believe that, as Chinese and as all people, we need to "Chuan zhong jie dai." Okay, this is not a Chinese lesson, this is a sermon. But I'm saying the Chinese culture says we need to pass on the legacy, we need to have generational commitments. "Chuan zhong jie dai." We need to continue the Tan Family. We need to continue the Wong Family. We need to continue the heritage of the Lim Family. It's very important. So much so the Chinese say, "Bu xiao you san, bu hou wei da." Okay, this is the last Chinese Proverb, alright. "Bu xiao you san, bu hou wei da." What does it mean? It means that there are three ways that you are not a filial to your parents.

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And the greatest way by which you will not be a failure to your parents is that when you have no descendants. "bu hou wei da" The biggest is that you have no descendants. So the Chinese culture is as such that you got to have kids. Therefore, you've got to be married. And if you are not married, there's something wrong with you. And isn't this the cultural, environment that we all live in? There's a subtle feeling that if I'm not married, something's wrong with me. Or rather, if I'm not married, I feel that people think that there's something wrong with me. "I feel that people think that I am too fussy. I feel that people think that l'm wasting my life. Because this is cultural undercurrent that everyone who is of a right mind and who is descent should be married. It's very hard! That's why you don't like to go for Chinese New Year Reunions.

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Because when you go there, your Auntie say, "Ei,_______ jie hun?" "Why you so long never married?" "Ei, yinggai, you should have kids, you should be married." And so you hear people they're well-meaning, by the way, they're well-meaning. Because they really believe this is the way to blessedness- marriage and having children. But that adds to the pressure you face as an individual, as a single. You wish you could tell "As if I don't want to get married" You wish you could say that. Oh you wish you could say," But I don't feel like that is what God wants me to do. But you can't say it like I said because the cultural influence and pressure is so strong. Therefore, you feel everywhere you go, even when you go to the mountains people say "Why you not married? Why you not married?" And it really is difficult for you to take and you feel like you're second class, you feel unloved, you feel there's something wrong with my life.

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And when you've such thinking, this is where the devil comes in; this is where lies can be catapulted into your head. And so as singles, I think there are some lies that we got to be aware of. There are some lies the devil wants singles to believe. For example, the devil wants you to think that you're single because it's all your fault. Now, I'm not saying that we cannot be the cause of our singleness. It may be. But it is not universal. Not everyone who is single is because they are messed up in life. There are many, many wonderful, godly attractive people who are single and it is not their fault. But the devil wants you to think it's you who have busted it. It's you who have messed up your life. It is all your fault. And you know you feel beaten up all over that. It is all my fault. I am lousy. I'm messed up. But that's a lie the devil wants to whack you with consistently.

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No: 2, the second lie he may say to you is, "God is not powerful enough to find you a spouse. He is not able to. You're a good guy, you're a good lady, but he is not powerful enough." Or maybe, a third lie which is even more hurting is that you're single is because God does not love you. Now, of course in this time, when we are looking at things a bit more clearly, in a preaching form, "Of course, I know God loves me." But for those who are single, and you have been waiting for a long time, you know how this can play on your mind. You really start to think, "Yeah, God does not love me. He does not love me as much as He loves him, as much as He loves her." So you allow these lies to percolate in to your thinking, into your system, and you got poison, as a result.

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No:4, you may be lied to by the devil or you may be induced to believe that getting married will fix all your problems. "So I'm single and I envy those who are married and if I'm married, my life will be alright, my life will be all-fixed, all problems will be solved." He's trying to tell you that you can't trust God. There's something more important to you than God. That's an idol that you need to rely on. That's a lie! No: 5, because no one has married you, you have no value. Again, another lie of the evil one. But you see, these are the things that a single person has to deal with. It is clear that there are cultural pressures. And it is very possible that these are some of the things you have believed thought about, and actually have been become bitter and frustrated of with God. Now what God has to say with regards to single people?

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Culture has something to say. The devil has something to say. But what God has to say? The Bible tells us Jesus' Words. The disciple said to him, "If such is the case of a man and his wife, it is better not to marry." But he said to them, "Not everyone can receive the same but only to those whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been sold from birth. And there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men. And there are eunuchs who may have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it." The Bible tells us there are some people who are single people for different reasons. But there's a particular group of people who choose to be single because they are eunuchs for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. So, a clear reason. It's not because they are messed up in their life. It's not because God is not powerful enough. It's not because God does not love them.

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It's not that they are of no value or no worth if they are not married, but they have dedicated themselves for the sake of the Kingdom. And this is not to be thought of as a mistake or an accident because the Bible clearly says, this is given. It's a calling. There's a reason and purpose that God allows people to be single- for the Kingdom of Heaven. So singleness is not a kind of inferior way of living. It's a gift! It's an ability that is given. It's a privilege that is given by God so they may be dedicated for the Kingdom's work. Now Paul, in First Corinthians, said something to a similar effect. He says, "The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord- how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things- how to please his wife. And his interests are divided. And an unmarried or a betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord- how to be holy in body and spirit.

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But the married woman is anxious about the worldly things- how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit not to lay any restraint upon anyone, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord." Wow, what a long passage. But, looking at this passage it is clear that Paul is saying that there's a kind of single living which is with a clear purpose of being able to devote himself or herself to the Lord. So Paul once again, is saying that this is a kind of life for everyone. He is not laying a restraint on anyone. But this is a kind of life that some people are called to live. And it is a glorious way to live. It's a beautiful way to live that we have an undivided devotion to the Lord.

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Now you must understand that when Paul said these words, they are revolutionary concepts. Why do I say that? Because the Jews, like the Chinese, value heritage. I mean, to the Jews, if I am not able to have a heritage to pass truth down, it's worse, it's terrible! Because we need to hand-down a legacy of truth. So you have passages that they value like Psalm127 verse three that children are a heritage of the Lord. And when a woman is barren, it is of great distress to her. Remember, people like Sarah, and Rachel, and Hannah, to them it is terrible that they are barren. so for Paul to say, "It's okay to be single!" It's very revolutionary to the mind of the ancient Jew. And I think, it's also revolutionary for the day and age we live in today. Suppose you go for Chinese New Year Reunion, you say, "I'm single for Jesus Christ."

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"Ei, le jia zenme ___________. Is something wrong with you?" "No, I'm single for Jesus Christ." "Wow, what is this?" You see people don't quite get it. My point, is captured in this one line, Singleness is not Plan B. Whether you're single now, or whether you'll be single for the rest of your life, don't ever think that God is saying He's having an inferior plan for you. Because there can be a beautiful purpose and devotion to the Lord during your time of singleness. Some of us are called to a season of singleness. Maybe some are called to a life of singleness. But whatever it is, whatever it is, it is not Plan B. And so, singleness is also great!

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I'm not saying it is greater than marriage. That would be wrong. The Bible does not give us a comparison like that. Neither can we say marriage is better than or greater than singleness. That would also be wrong. But I think it would be appropriate to say, "Marriage is great in the eyes of the Lord! And singleness can also be great for the glory of God!" And I say, therefore, this, to people, right now, who are living single lives. Don't let the devil club you, and whack you, and tell you that He doesn't love you, God doesn't love you! Don't let him say to you that God is not able to give you a spouse. Don't let him say to you that you are living a second-rate, inferior kind of a life. But let me say this- Maximize on your singleness that God has called you in your season for the glory of God. Maximize! I mean, I was just this week, seeing our youth camp and seeing our young people serving. It's amazing!

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I mean, the young adults, the young people, they have time that the married people won't have. They could stay in a camp overnight for a few days, dedicate themselves, they devote that time, that energy for serving the Lord. And I think about myself, not that I'm not loyal to Jesus, but as Paul says, I have to please my wife and to serve my kids. And in that sense, that's what married people have to live with. So I am tired this morning, frankly, because my son woke up many, many times last night. And as single people, you don't have to deal with it, isn't it? You sleep. In fact, you can sleep late because you're guaranteed sleep for the next few hours. But for married people, you've kids, young kids, and you've to cope with it! Married people, like I myself, we have to be like ninjas at home, you know.

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I mean, I have my own bedroom, but my bedroom is really not mine. It's my young son, my young Medias. I have to be like ninja, open the doors, be absolutely quiet, and when he's climbing out and he's almost going to see me, I've got to close the door quickly and avoid him. He's the king of my family. He's the king of the room. And as single, no not single, as married man, there are limitations as to what I can do. I can't stay with the youth every night and sleep over every night, but in your singleness, you can. You can have time. You can have energies, like no one else. You can devote yourself to serving. You can devote yourself to studying the Scriptures. You can devote yourself to Missions. You can grow in many ways, I mean, why waste your time thinking, "I'm inferior" when you can maximize! Live it out, for the glory of God. And then I say this for our church,

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There are plenty of single people in our church. Some were younger singles; some were more mature singles, and the last thing the singles need is to be treated with a kind of contempt. I think in our church we have to love and respect, honour, and accept all the singles. It means we don't see them as people who have something wrong, or people who are wasting away their lives. But we love them and accept them because God says in Scripture, "Singleness is also great!" I've heard of people who run away from church you say, "Why", because people keep pressuring them, making them feel embarrassed about their singleness. And you, much better, in the outside environment, with the unsaved because they don't ask those questions, they don't make them feel embarrassed. So, I'm not saying, as a church, we all don't marry. That would be wrong.

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Neither do I have to say, as a church, we all have to marry. That would also be wrong. I'm not here trying to pull down the institution, the beautiful institution of marriage, but I'm trying to pull up our understanding and level up to seeing the greatness and purpose also in singleness. So this is my first point. Why singleness is also great. But let me move on. Second point I want share is when you have to wait. You are single right now, but you really don't see yourself single for the rest of your life. You do want to get married. You have a desire to do so. Let me just say, I may be not the best person to talk about singleness because I'm already married, but I just want to emphasize and share that I do think that it is not easy to be waiting in the day and age we live in today. Because we live in the day and age where people feel commitment in marriage and people are getting married later and later.

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So they feel that they have to get their career right, they need to get enough money from the bank, they need to have a house, before they get married, and so they are marrying later and later and it's worse for ladies because when men want to get married, they always go for the younger ladies. And if you're a godly lady, you do not want to be the initiator in any BGR (boy- girl relationship) or any dating relationship. You want to say, "I'm godly. Would you date with me?" I mean, no woman would do that in reality because you see that a godly man would be the initiator. And so you wait. And so it's really hard. For ladies, godly, single ladies, who love the Lord, who wants to be loyal, who wants to be faithful to the Lord's work, it's hard for you to wait. And so I want say, it's not easy to be, the odds seem to be against the ladies.

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Nevertheless, what do you do if you have to wait? I learned this from another pastor and he summarized it in six words that I felt so appropriate I will just share it with you. There are six options available to someone who has to wait. No:1, your first option is to sin. "Okay I have to wait, I've been waiting for five years and I'm sick and tired of waiting, and so now I'm gonna go for option No: 1, I choose to sin. Because in my opinion, in my experience, God has not come through for me, so I decide now, to take things into my own hands. I'm gonna take anyone and everyone even though I don't know I'm going to get married to him or her. I'm gonna fool around, party around, sleep around. I'm just gonna sin because God has not come through. So what happens is you mess your life up and you break the heart of the man who truly loves you that is Jesus Christ, and you look back in your life and you're filled with great regret because you just messed it.

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But I'm not surprised if there are people today who have waited and they get frustrated and this illusion with God and feels that He's never gonna answer this specific prayer and go to option No: 1 which is to sin. Now there are those who don't choose to sit, but they may also go to option No: 2 which is surrender. That is to say, they gave up entirely on ever getting married. They gave it up. Their heart has got just so cold, they are, and they have no more desire to enter any other relationship. They don't see any hope in anyone else coming into their life, and they basically shut down. So they're not just shutting down to marriage, they actually shut themselves down from hope and joy that maybe God has intended for them. But there are people today who have surrendered.

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Maybe you won't sin. Maybe you won't surrender. But the third option that you have is that you settled. Settle means what? You just lower your standard to such a level that just for anyone could fit your bill. So as Chinese would say, "Suibian zao _______ xianzai lai." Just anyone would do, and again that will not be God's will for your life. But there are people who will just settle. The fourth option is that you suffer. So you allowed yourself to be beaten up, you allow yourself to be bitter, and angry, and frustrated, you just feel you are full of shame, you feel like people look down on you, you feel like you're second class, you feel like God doesn't love you, and you allow the devil to take this and keep whacking your head over it. "You are not of any worth. God doesn't love you. You have something wrong. You've... It's all your fault." And you suffer, and you suffer, and you suffer.

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It's not easy. But that's what you do. You suffer! And No: 5, you strive. What I mean by strive is you make this desire to let a husband or wife to be your sole objective of life. So you don't go out of your house until you are dressed up as if you're ready to go for a beauty pageant. Every time, whoa, head to toe, and then you watch your calories, you hit the gym every time because you're doing everything you can to let that guy or to let that girl. So what has happened is that you try so hard that Jesus is no more the center of your life. But that prospective spouse is now the new title of your life. So you strive! But you're committing idolatry. So really whether you sin, surrender, settle, suffer or strive, they are not good solutions when you wait. Say, what to do then when I wait?

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It's found in the next word which is to find solace in Jesus. What this means? It's that there's a balance. You recognize singleness is an aspect of your life but it is not the essence of your life. Singleness is part of your life, but it's not your whole life. You are not identified with regards whether you are single or married. You're identified with whether you are a follower of Jesus Christ. You find your identity in Jesus and not in a future spouse. And therefore, you can desire marriage without being desperate for it. And so in this time of waiting you are not on a standstill, you are not shut down, you are not sinning, but you are pursuing Christ, finding solace in Him, finding your comfort in Him, growing and rejoicing your relationship with Jesus, and fully yielded and surrendered in a good way to His future plans for you.

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Solace in Christ. Something more experiential than in a sense, preached out. If you are in this position, someone who has been waiting, then the six points, I hope will encourage you. But, Pastor, what if I wait, and I wait, and I wait, and now I'm seventy years old. Can I still wait? Can. But Pastor what if, even after I waited all these years, it is settling in my heart and I'm pretty sure right now that God does not mean for me to be married.

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Can you promise me something? Can you tell me something positive? You know people love to hear that from pastors, "And you know that God loves you. He will definitely let you be married." You know, if I want to say something like this, I would be dishonest because the Bible doesn't promise anything like this. Some are called to singleness. And for me to say, "Oh, I see that every one of you be married", it's just "hocus bogus". It's falsehood. So let me say this, there is a possibility in any single's life that maybe God has called you to singleness not just for a season, but for your entire life. "Wow, how can I find solace in this kind of reality? Where is the comfort to my soul? How, how can God do this to me? Why???" Well, I don't think I met, I will express it better in this statement I will just flash before you.

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"Many Christians are single but not by choice. This can be, and often times are, a painful situation. But the hope of the Gospel is that marriage and sex, as wonderful as they are, only a picture of the real thing. Well one may be denied participation in the shadow relationship, everyone is granted access to the real thing through God's grace. And it is the real thing that truly brings peace. We often have a hard time believing this, but it's the truth. What Justin Taylor is saying is that "It is a painful reality but marriage and sex as wonderful as they are, are not the end of and be all of life. They are a portrayal. They are a shadow. They are a reflection of something. They are a foretaste of something that is even far greater and grandeur and glorious.

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Some of us may not taste of this shadow relationship in this earth. But all of us, if we have embraced the Gospel of Jesus Christ, are destined for the real thing that truly and ultimately satisfies, and that is our hope." My hope to you, offered from Scripture, is not that you will get married. That is a lie. But my hope to you is that you will be joyously, wonderfully united with Jesus when this temporal life would cease. And that is what truly brings peace. So to all who are single and you're waiting, this may be a hard truth but it is the truth. And may you find your solace and comfort not in some imagined hope people give, but in the sure foundation of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

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But let me end my third point. We have looked why singleness is also great. It's not that inferior way of living. And the church must see it and embrace the singles. No: 2, we have seen what we have to do when we are to wait. But lastly, I'm gonna cover how you are to date. Now this covers people who have a ready target locked-on. Uhhhh, okay? "I'm locking on to you and I want to date you." Or maybe you are already in a dating relationship. This is... gonna share with you the principles of dating. Now I'm not sharing with you the process of dating, please, like, uh, should I buy a flower, which restaurant, what movie, and those character and stuff, I have no idea, but the principles of dating are what I wanna share. And let me say this, I think these principles of dating are what I failed in my own life. But I'm not gonna share with you failures, I'm gonna share with you what I think Scripture has to say, and I pray that because I've gone this way of error, I can look back and say, please don't follow erroneous ways and follow God's ways, alright?

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So principles of dating. Now what is dating? Is that even found in the Bible? I don't think so. The word dating is not in the Bible but I see this as a way by which someone who would be able to engage a person of another gender to consider the eventuality of marriage life together. Okay, so that's what dating, I think, is all about. So let me give you five simple principles, all start with P, I think it's easy to remember that way. These are principles I remember for myself and when I share with people. So principle number one, how you are to date, is there a purpose? The principle that you have to remember is the principle of purpose. Why do you date? I think it's a very important reason, uh, factor we need to consider, why? Because we live in a day and age...

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where people are dating younger and younger like never before. Have you heard of people who date like eleven years old? Eleven years old they date, twelve years old they date, I mean, can you believe? Eleven years old, my girlfriend, my steady. How old are you uh? I'm still in Changka Primary School. Whoa! So you're in Primary School, dating uh! Whoa, not bad, are you? But you see dating is not a strange or rare thing anymore. It is very common. You ask them why you want to date, you ask them. They say, don't know le, my friend got steady, they got steady, I also need to get steady, whoa, otherwise people don't think I'm steady there. So, you want it steady, you want to have girlfriends boyfriends because everybody is doing it. And you want to look like you're cool, you're part of the gang, you're desirable. And so that is the reason why you date.

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And maybe you want to date just because you want to go for the thrill of it. You want to date just because you want to experience that kind of intimacy that actually God wants only to be experienced in a marriage relationship. But people can date for all kinds of reasons- for the thrill, for the fame, for the desire to look cool, and to be like everyone else. But the purpose of dating has got to be clear. In my mind, dating is only for those who are seriously considering marriage. Otherwise, what's the point? Every other reason is self-centered. I want to look good. I want to experience the thrill. Everybody's doing it, I wanna be part of the crowd, see, so self-centered. And what happens, because you're not ready for marriage, you end up having loose commitments and you end up with a chain of broken hearts.

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So you start dating at twelve, you break every heart every year until you're thirty-two, and you're still not married. Twenty years. Twenty years. What's the point? You wasted twenty years of your singleness that can be devoted for Jesus Christ. Can you imagine that? You break hearts, you waste your life, and you missed out on the opportunities you can have to grow and to serve Jesus. So dating has never clear purpose and I suggest to you, if you're young today, some of you are very young people, don't date 'til you're ready. Don't ask mummy, "Mummy, I'm thirteen years old I cannot date. I'm big boy already, you know. I'm big boy already, you know, why I cannot date?" Mommy says, "Are you ready for marriage? Don't start because everybody's doing it." I have a very good Biblical purpose.

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But let me say, as a kind of a sidetrack, but still related to purpose as men, as guys. If you're dating someone, please be explicit and clear about it. Say something like, "I've been praying that maybe God would want to unite us in the future, and therefore, can I ask you for a date?" Rather than say, "You know I'm really hungry you wanna go and eat or not?" or "I'm a bit bored, can you, can we go out together?" And you just let the girl, she likes you, she has some good feelings therefore she goes with you but you leave her in limbo for a long time. And to guys, it is okay because guys are like that but girls need that sense of security and commitment and don’t just drag her along with no clarity, whatsoever. Be purposeful. Be intentional when you are embarking on that kind of a dating relationship.

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Okay, so I think, first principle is that of purpose. Second principle is that of partner. What I mean by partner is the expectation of your partner. Now some of us can, can have expectations that are so high. Some of us can have expectations that are so low. So this is a simple principle to be reasonable with your expectation. Some of us, some of the ladies here, unless you look like Aaron Kwok I'm not gonna marry anyone. So you look for a, Aaron Kwok or Andy Lau (HK famous singers), and then you're unrealistic. You're not real. And your selection criteria, you say, "Pastor, I already have a selection criteria written out I read to you now and then you- he must be tall, dark, handsome, he must be scholarly, he must be a good person, he must love his parents, he must honor his parents, he must be a good worker who earns 20K a month,

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he must be able to read the Bible or memorize the Bible from Genesis to Revelation, he must have preached before, he must go to mission field five times a year, he must love me, he must never get angry with me, he must be gentle, he must be giving, he must sacrifice, he must be like Jesus Christ." You never find a guy like that. Marriage is never about two perfect people together. It's about two very imperfect, flawed, and sinful people. So you're expectations ought to be real. On the other hand, don't lower your standards until anyone also can. I think that's common sense. So you have reasonable expectations but at the bottom line of it all I just wanna say this- is in terms of Scriptural command, the minimum principle is that your potential spouse must be someone who follows Jesus Christ. Okay? This is common.

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I think any decent church and any decent Christian will say, we all understand that we are to marry only in the Lord. First Corinthians seven tells us that. And we are not to marry someone who is not a Christian. You say why? Because the Bible says in second Corinthians chapter six that we are not to be unequally yoked. Now, first time I came to church and hear the word "yoke", I asked the question egg yolk? dark yolk? or what yolk? I have no idea what is yoke, okay, so let me explain to those who don't know what yoke is. Yoke is not a, not a yellow of the egg, alright? The word yoke is just a word that refers to a kind of a device or burden that is placed upon animals that are used for ploughing. So you place them on animals, the animal pulls it and you pull the plough and therefore plough the ground, so that thing that is placed upon animals is called a yoke.

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And often times, they place two animals on a yoke for greater efficiency and strength. So the Bible says, as Christians, we are not to be unequally yoked. This is a physical picture that refers to 2 persons being burdened for a common mission or venture. And Paul is saying with regards to Christians, you are not to be unequally burdened with a non-Christian because you are very different. One is a horse, one is a donkey. They have different speed, they have different capabilities, they have different endurance and strength, so don't be together. So Christians are not to be unequally yoked with non-Christians. Then you say, Pastor, I looked at the Second Corinthians Chapter Six passage from head to toe, I read it twenty times, there is no mention of marriage. See, people who want to be unequally yoke always find justifications.

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Don't have, don't have marriage so you cannot apply Second Corinthians Chapter Six for marriage. I say yes, I agree with you, I read it twenty times; I also cannot find the word marriage. But let me ask you, what is Second Corinthians Six about? It's about actually spiritual venture together. A Christian cannot have the same spiritual venture with a non-Christian in seeking God and honoring God, just _____. Then I ask you what the purpose of marriage is? Marriage is for the portrayal of the Gospel of Jesus Christ for the glory of God. So in the essence of marriage, it is a highly significant spiritual venture. Therefore, unequally yoke is appropriately and indeed, should be applied to the realm of marriage. I say to you, God has your interests at heart.

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Really, when he tells you "Do not be unequally yoke" If you believe and love Jesus, and if your spouse doesn't know Jesus, you can’t have the deepest of connections because the Christian is someone who, deep in his heart and his core, loves the Lord Jesus Christ. He is identified by Jesus Christ. But if his spouse or her spouse is not a Christian, there can be no deep intimacy possible. You can't! So what happens, in this marriage, is you either hide your real passion because he or she doesn't understand why you are so passionate, so religious. So you hide it and you know your true self or worse still you depart progressively for Jesus because you are unequally yoked. You are pulled aside. You are weighed down. You cannot go as you originally wished to go.

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So instead of this marriage helping you to glorify God, it actually hinders you and it frustrates you because deep in your heart if you love Jesus, you want to glorify Him. So I say, partner, be clear. Now I know there are some of you who are with unequally yoke relationships. Like I said I messed up with my life before but consider this, I'm not saying you cannot be friends with all non-Christians, we should be friends with all people, but if it is for the explicit clear purpose of knowing that person in order to get married, don't you think you're playing with fire? Salvation is of the Lord, it's not up for you to control. And what if right after then, after spending ten years, still won't trust Christ. And you can't use this as a kind of a bribery or extortion to make him or her believe in Christ.

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You’re stuck. It's highly unwise. So I think the Scripture principle of unequally yoke apply to marriage and therefore to be considered in dating. Okay, I've spent time here and I really just, I'm not here to whack you guys, condemn you guys, I just want to help you guys know God's will. No: 3, and this is a very significant factor and principle in dating and that is purity. And this I refer to sexual purity. Now we all understand that when you are in love, "zui ru ai he" when you fall in love, it is such a passionate, emotional time. It's like NDP (National Day Parade) fireworks everyday. Pshh... pshh... I mean, you live in dreamland, you know. For those who have been married for too long and you've lost that romantic spot, you forgot how it felt like. But all of us who can remember our first love remember those days when chr, chr, chr,chr, chr, chr, chr, chr... ddzzzzz... zzzzz... it's like X-Men without, you know, real power and electricity coming out.

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It's so passionate, emotional, and highly-charged. It is. If you have not felt it, then you have not been in love. And that's why, it is so important to know what is sexual purity in a highly-charged relationships such as this. See people say, "Hey Pastor, what can I do in dating uh?" I know last week you talked about sexual purity in a sense we cannot commit adultery. I know I cannot. They are too much, but Pastor can I can I hug her or not? Pastor, can I kiss her or not? I know you don't want me to kiss her lips, but can I kiss her forehead? Or can i kiss the cheek? Or can I kiss the head? Can I or not? How far can I go? Can I hold her hand? Can I can I wrap my hands around her shoulder? What can I do Pastor? How far can I go?


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Do you get this question? I mean, parents, do you have a set rules for your kids? "Uh, uh, boy, i know you're going out with Ah Jane? But when you with Ah Jane, I tell you five commandments : No touch there, no touch there, no touch... Where do you draw the line? How do you draw the line? Let me say, the Bible doesn't draw, doesn't give me the category called dating and draw the line there. There are reason. So let me tell you what I think based on first principles your Code of Conduct, especially for guys, your Code of Conduct for dating. The Bible tells us clearly that in human relationships we are called neighbours, okay, whether you are really my neighbour who stays beside me in my address, or you're my enemy, or you're my classmate, or my colleague, the Bible considers all that as neighbours. Love your neighbour as yourself.


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And in such relationship, it is clear, there's no sexual relationship permissible. You don't have a sexual relationship with your boss or with your classmate, no. But sexual relationship is allowed and indeed are commanded and encouraged in a marital relationship, that's crystal clear, alright. So sexual relationships ONLY reserved in marriage. Any other relationship, none. I think that's easy. But confusion comes when we create a category called dating. We want; we try to slot that in. Okay, dating then, this one cannot, this one can. But this category how uh- can hold hands le, I think, can kiss le, I think, can go a little bit further than this le, I think. You think. But it is not what the Bible says. In reality in the Scripture there is no category called dating.


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It is just back to this. Okay, this is I think hard for those who have been so used to seeing dating relationships going all around. I mean, you are used to watching movies where passion and emotion and intimacy, physical intimacy is already portrayed, even all the way to cohabitations and so on. But would you just, if you really love the Lord, just take a step back and consider does the Bible even ignores any of those things the Hollywood portrays? Doesn't the Bible tell us of these two basic relationships? And therefore the test of how far, okay, first of all, we shouldn’t as Christians asks those questions. How far can I go? I mean, it should be how holy can I be rather than how sexually intimate I could be. That shouldn’t be even the first question. But even if you have that question, the test of it is this: Can I hold her hands? My test to you is Can you hold the hands of your boss that way? Can I kiss her on the cheek?

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My question is can you kiss the uncle in your office that way? Can or not? If you say can then it doesn't constitute sexual relationship or sexual hint, I say, okay le! Go kiss whatever you want but if you know that, oh no, no, no, I won't kiss everybody, I won't kiss Pastor Vic or, you know, to me it's cannot, cannot, I know I can't. Then apply that test to your dating partner. Because anything else, you cross a certain line. Now I hope you don't say that "Pastor you're very strict and unmarred le, you old fashioned le. You never watch the world, “No. I think I'm just trying to work off the basic, clear principles. You see, you may not be able to control all that goes on with your mind, isn't it?


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Guys, we all understand that. You can't control all that is going on in your mind. But when you control what you do with your hands, you are helping yourself in your mind that you will not go a step further beyond what you are, you will regret. In the heat of the moment, with strong passions, and emotions, and NDP fireworks, anything can happen. And until you're girded with clear strong principles, you may regret your actions. And so this desire to retain this purity, I think is rooted in being portraying how Jesus kept Himself chaste and pure for His church. And so, should we. And so I say this, particularly to the guys.

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Because generally the guys are the initiators of physical things. But let me say this to the ladies, for the realm of purity, help the guys by dressing appropriately. I know the world is telling you "Dress provocatively. Sell yourself. Allure that guy." But the true godly woman doesn't think like that and a true godly guy doesn't think like that. Now you may hook him on the surface. But deep in his thinking, he is making judgments about you. So why would you want to tarnish that purity of your relationship by the way you dress. Dress fashionably, sure, don't need to be like a dumpling, like I always say, wrap from head to toe, like, you know, you can walk or whatever but dress fashionably, dress decently but please realize this principle of modesty and purity.

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Help the guy out. So the third principle in dating valid, I think, is purity. Now I just have two more and I think they're fast and I'll end. Besides purity, I think it is parents. Most dating couples may forget this principle because dating is just between me and my date. But I think the Bible gives us parents tells us that we are given parents because they are for our good. And so you should value your parent’s inputs, Hollywood, and the media, and the world would want to tell you your parents know nothing. You are so, romance shows it's always two very compatible guy and girl together and they face opposition against parents who are very unreasonable. That's a typical storyline. So the world would want you to think that your parents know nuts so ignore them. Forsake their thinking. But the Bible says otherwise, honor your parents. Your parents may not always be right but they should always be respected. And God has given your parents for your own good.

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So do consider your parents input carefully and seriously because God has ordained that authority for your protection and benefit. The last point and I'll end here is that of priority. The fifth principle of dating is priority. Say what is this priority? The priority is expressed in this statement, "Instead of waiting for the right one, pray and strive to be the right person God wants you to be." So instead of trying to change the other person, "Hey I want to date you but, you know, you're not very good here, not very good there, not very good here, not very good there..." or try to change the other person, why don't you think about this, pray and strive, by the Spirit's help of course, to be the person God wants you to be. That's Biblical; I think good principle for dating. See, I was encouraged when I speak with people from our church and there are people in our church who say, "I really want to be a better man.

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I really want to because I see that as important. I see that as priority. I want to improve myself so that I don't mess up with my marriage, I don't mess up with my dating." And I say to you, that's mature thinking because so often we think we are the Mr. Perfect and all that needs to be changed is the other person. But as a priority, whether in marriage or in dating, instead of waiting and sitting and trying to change the other person, let the focus be changing myself. So five principles of dating that I hope you'll be keeping in your heart and most of all living it out in your lives. You see, we glorify God in every aspect of our life. It's not just in church, not just in sharing the Gospel, not just in my workplace, but really in my marriage life and in my dating life. May God keep us pure. May we be living out the Gospel for His glory. I hope it's been helpful. Let's bow in a word of prayer.