18 Jun 2023
The family is the basic building block of society. Man has been appointed to be the head of the family. If the head of the family is compromised, the family is affected, and the human race is destroyed. Looking at the condition of the world today, Satan has obviously done a good job in attacking the headship of fathers in the family. Though wives desire their husbands to lead the family, they often sabotage their headship by unknowingly demeaning their husbands by their comments and by their insubmission. So many fathers are discouraged and abdicate their headship roles. Many fathers also fail to do their fathering role by provoking their children with harsh, critical, unreasonable comments and failing to set good Christ-like examples to their children. Just remember these simple principles. 1. Be thankful for your family. 2. Look for opportunities to serve one another. 3. Wives submit to your husbands. 4. Husbands love your wives. 5. Children obey your parents. 6. Fathers disciple your children.
Blessed Father's Day to all the dads here. Now, it's not our culture to make fathers stand up and embarrass you. I know, this is not our culture, this is not our Chinese culture, we're very low key. But if you have a dad next to you, who happens to be your husband, or your daddy or whatever, just do it your way. Hug them, kiss them. Punch them, whatever, right? And acknowledge them today that, hey, dad, we appreciate you. And you are very, very special to us. To all the dads today, I want you to know that you are really the most important people, not just today. You are the most important people in the world. From the time, God created men. I'm not exaggerating, I'm not saying something, you know, hyperbolic at this time, because God made family. The basic unit of all society is family. That's what God created and good families make good societies. Good societies make a better world, make a better church. All the basic building block of the entire world is made up of families. And God from the very beginning ordained families and ordained men to be head of the families. Now, if Satan will give one wish, only one wish to destroy the world, what do you think he would do?
He's quite an intelligent fellow, I would say. What do you think Satan would do? Very simple. One wish. Just attack the dads, make them useless. And then the rest will crumble. You take away the leader, there's nothing left. Everything hangs on leadership. It doesn't matter whether it's a school, whether it's a gangster group, whether it's a church, everything is about leadership. And you take away the leader, you got nothing. And so honestly, from the very beginning of society, from the very beginning of creation, Satan's done a very good job. He's focused. How do I know that? One? He ain't stupid. I know. Second, we can see the results of his work. Fathers, to a very large extent, are not leaders of their families. Fathers are really absentee fathers. Now in our little newsletter, Jeff wrote, elder Jeff wrote about, in the US, you know, fathers are not there because of divorce. Because of broken homes, single families, etc. You know, it almost looks like all of US has a serious problem there. Thank God, we don't have divorces here. Thank God, you know, we don't have too many broken homes here. You know, Satan is smarter than that. You can even be at home all day and still be an absentee father. It's very possible. All Satan wants is the leader to be useless. That's all. He can be around 24/7. He can be not divorced. He can be right there with his kids are. Kids are just one arm's length away. But he can make the fathers useless. And I can tell you this, sorry dads, many of you are actually useless. Useless. If you were missing, nobody would miss you. Right. That's the truth.
If mommy was missing, oh, my goodness. Everything breaks down. Everything collapses. Daddy gone. It's okay. It might even be better. Because having two heads in the house is a big problem. You know, I have to see dad and mom vying for position. Civil war is very ugly. It's not in Syria that we have civil wars. It's not in funny countries, like other countries. Where in our homes there's civil wars every day? All right. And so honestly, dads, you have a very important role. But to be very frank and honest with you, you have been really useless. Most of you, right? Now I'm going to speak today, as a Father's Day discourse. It's not going to be one of those fancy sermons, you know, exposition from a Puritan speaker. You know, the pure word of God, no, nothing. The discourse is an old fellow just talking, right? Now, I have, I think, enough mistakes in my life. I've been a dad for more than 50 years. I have four kids who have made a mess with. But thank God, they have turned out wonderful. In spite of my mistakes. I have seven grandchildren, hopefully, I'm making less mistakes with them. I have 1000s of spiritual children who I hope I will make less mistakes with them. All right. So, it's Father's Day discourse. And I hope that all of you who are not fathers are not going to turn on your cell phone and look at Instagram now, because there's a message for you too. Because fathers need your help. They need your help. If you're a wife, to get them to do their job well. They need your help. If you're a kid, to help them do their job well. So, today's message is for all of you. In fact, the fathering part may be a small part, right? This message depends on how long I ramble on, okay?
Life principles (Ephesians 5:20-21)
Now, first, let's look at the passage in the Bible that tells us the most about family. And that's Ephesians chapter five. all right? I think it was read earlier on, if I'm not mistaken. Now. We start first with two life principles. I'm going to just give you a few bunches of life principles. And first, we start with two life principles that I think can change your life. Dramatically. Right? Number one, give thanks always for everything to God, the Father, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Learn to be thankful. And since it's Father’s Day, learn to be thankful for your dad. He may be a grumpy old fellow. He may not say a lot of stuff to you, he may not be the most tender loving dad. But thank God, he's not an alcoholic. Thank God for that. Thank God, he's not a wife beater. Thank God for that. You know, when you learn to thank God for things, things do look better. You know, the average guy thinks if something looks good, I thank God. That's the average brain, right? A smarter brain says, 'When I thank God for things, even when they don't look very good. After I thank God, they look better. Are you following me? Alright, when we start to see, you can always find a fault in anything under the sun. You can go to the fanciest restaurant and still be very unhappy, because you can pick something wrong with that restaurant, that dish that waitress, that whatever. And you could go to the lousiest, crummiest food court, and still be very happy, if you learn how to be thankful. There are a whole bunch of kids who don't even have enough to eat and my goodness, this lousy kway teow is going to fill my belly. Thank God for that. You know what, the kway teow is going taste a lot better. And you're going to be a lot happier. Right?
So, learn to be wise. A wise person doesn't thank when things look good. A wise person thanks so things would look better. And so, he will be happier, right? Very simple rule. You know, like, some people say, when I'm happy I smile, not very smart guy. When you smile, you'll be happy, understand? This is from neuroscience, just in case you don't know. This is not found in your Bible, alright. But neuroscience tells you. Very simple. When you smile, dopamine and whole bunch of other neuro chemicals come up. Alright? God wired us that way, to be thankful for all things. Okay? So please learn to be thankful. Even in your home, where your daddy isn't scoring 8 out of 10. He may score 2 out of 10. Still 2 is pretty good. It could be minus 10. Be thankful. Let me tell you there are a lot of minus 10 daddies in the world. Let me tell you that. Okay. Right. Secondly, another life principle is learning to submit to one another. Why is life such a mess? Everybody wants to be number one. There can only be 1 number 1. Even your home of 4, everybody also wants be number 1, how? There’ll be 3 unhappy people and number 1 is being pulled down all the time. And number 3 is being pushed down all the time. Right.
That's why the world is such a mess. Everybody wants to be number 1. You know, we have silly fathers who say, I don't need you have to be the top student in the class. Just be the top 10% Then who's gonna be the bottom 90%? Right? Imagine you say that to your kid. I'm not like that kind of tiger mom, top 20% only. Then your kid will ask you, mommy, are you the top 20% cook in Singapore? Are you the top 20% mother in Singapore? Is papa getting the top 20% of the jobs in Singapore? I mean, come on. Just be the best you can be. You don't have to be top 20%. Be what God wants you to be, know your place. Be thankful. All right. I'm not saying don't be lazy. But when we learn to submit to one another, it's a life principle. In your home, everybody wants to serve one another, help one another. Be kind to one another, see the needs of one another. You have a nice home. Not rocket science. All right. So, 2 life principles for all of you. It doesn't matter whether you're in a family or not in a family. These are life principles.
Wife principle (Ephesians 5:22-24)
Okay, let's move on. To be a bit more specific, the wife principle. Moment after submitting one another comes out the wife principle. Now some people say you know why? God said the wife submit first, you know why? God put it wives first. Because wives never submit. I don't think so. All right. It just simply flows from the verse before that. Submitting to one another, our reverence for Christ. And then next verse, wives submit. So, it's not because wives are so complicated, they don't want to submit. And that's why God attack them first before the husband. I've heard that preaching before. You see, God addressed women first. All women not submissive one, you know? That's why they never read verse 21. So actually, it's just a flow. The Bible is a flow. It's a letter written, alright? So, wives submit to your husband, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Notice the word submit, how many times? 3 versus. 3 times. You see you wives never submit. That's why God said 3 times to you. You must submit. Right. No chauvinistic preaching.
The truth is when a woman married a guy, they married someone they would want to look up to. Hey, you all know fairy tales, right? The princess look for the hero, right? So, they can follow the hero, right? You don't look for a boy to take care of. Right? Any of you look for a husband you got a boy to take care of? None of you right? Oh, I chose my husband. He's so cute. I can mother him all my life. There maybe a few weird people like that here, right? But the majority married a guy who to be the head. Why? Because God wired them that way. All right. Every story book is like that. Why? Why does storybook sell? Because that's in our DNA which God created us. Women look up, found a man and instinctively look to a husband to lead them. So, the submission part is actually DNA in women. But is that the reality? Probably not. Now, firstly, you ask, why should the men be the head? Some feminists would ask that. I say I don't know. You ask God. One day I go to heaven I'll say, God why you make me the head? Why not my wife? Easier you know? you She do all the things, you just sit down and shake leg, right? The head always got trouble, right? Got headache, right? It's God who chose. Simple as that. Why did God choose? Because everything must have 1 head. Logical, right? Sometimes you go to zoo. Turtles with two heads. Did you see that one? I always wondered where they turn to when you reach a corner? Left turtle say turn left, right turtle say turn right. Die. Anything with 2 heads sure die. Okay, I don't care what it is. 2 bus drivers with 2 steering wheels. Die. Bang already, right? But you know what? Most homes have 2 heads. It's a problem. Sometimes you read newspapers, civil war, 2 presidents, you know? 1 just lost the presidency. Then 2 start to fight. Die. But there's nothing new. Every day in the home there's a problem. Who is the head? Now one moment ago PC said women look up to the men, want the men to be the head. Then next moment he says women sabotage the men, why? And tried to do a coup d’état.
Several reasons, right? Number 1, women today are well educated. Often in academia, they do better than men. It's very common. Right? I always believe that academia is designed by women, right? Because it's more stationary. So, for many women, they feel now that I am better qualified than my husband. That's fine. And that's true in many homes. But it's got nothing to do with qualifications. Most of you are better qualified than your boss, right? True or false? Your boss primary 3 also never pass. Can't even speak properly. Well he's your boss. You just shut up, right? He gives you suggestions. He decides. You don't have a problem in the office, right? But at home, many have a problem. They forgot in the office. That guy called boss, right. But in the home, you don't call him boss. So, you forgot someone did appoint him a long time ago to be head. And you could be much better qualified, much smarter. That has nothing to do with it. It's not about qualifications, it's about appointment. So, number 1, number 2. Very interesting. Mothers have an instinct for mothering. All right, all mothers are DNA to be mothers. That's how God made us, made women.
What's mothering? Mothering is to see a little child and correct him as fast as you can. Right? Mothers are very good at that. Hey your hair didn't comb probably. Hey you didn't brush teeth this morning. Hey you sure you don't want to tuck in properly. Instinctive. You mother, what is mothering? You teach? How do you teach? As fast as possible, at the right time. But the problem is the mothering instinct is inside. But it's not for your husband. A lot of blur faces here. My goodness. Am I so complicated? And there's some I almost want to say the word stupid. Excuse me. Husbands who call their mothers their wives. Mommy. My hair stands up immediately. Whatever you do, she can never be your mommy. Right? You can suck your thumb. You can wear your diapers. She's your wife. Get it? She will never be your mommy. All right? And there are some again, morons, who call their wife mummy. And then they get angry when mommy mothers them. She's always your wife, get it? And in GLCC she's always your girlfriend, get it? Every time I go GLCC. Pastor, meet my wife. I say your girlfriend, right? No, my ex-girlfriend. I said come here. In GLCC, she's now your wife. But in GLCC we teach you that you always court her as your girlfriend. Wow, pastor you give these kinds of new rules. You know why? I want you to be happy. What were the happiest days of your life? When you were courting. Right or not? Wow, talk on the phone. Wait at the bus stop 3 hours won't get angry. It's the happiest day of your life. Why you stop it? You stupid or what? The day you get married you start courting. Why? You want to be unhappy? Why are men so stupid? They want to be babies. They think they're smart. All right.
Let's not be stupid. They were the best days in your life and they can still be the best days of your life. Why not? Right? But never your mommy, your wife. Yes. Hopefully your girlfriend that you court. You treasure the princess you love, all right. But never your mommy. But you know what? You got to help your wives. When they try to mother you. You say honey, you're a great mom. You're a great mom. We appreciate how you mother our kids. Right? And just leave it at that. I hope after this message, they got it. Wives, got it? Don't use your mothering instinct on the wrong people. Got it? Don't go to your boss and says, hey, your shirt not tuck out properly. Hey, why you like that? Your boss said you got something wrong with you? And at home you do it because your husband is too polite to stop you. Right? Let pastor do it for you, all the husbands here. Happy or not, you guys. All right. All you say, honey, I appreciate you mothering the children. I hope the rest you can hear pastor's, PCs voice, right? Don't mother me. okay? I'm not a baby, all right? If my shirt tuck out a little bit. No need to worry too much. Right? It's my personality, right? Okay.
Now third thing, right? This is discourse. Women are more emotional. That's normal. Right? God made woman from the rib of man. You know where's the rib? Next to the heart Okay? Men is the head. Where's the head? Here. Where's the rib? Here. Got it. And women are meant to be more emotional. They feel more. And when you're emotional, you react. You react strongly. You react passionately which is good. There's a balance between head and heart and every home should have a good balance. Head, heart. Right? And women are emotional. And so, this is what a typical scenario is like. Let me share with you all right. A wife sees a YouTube or something on Korea. Let's just say holiday on Jeju Island or whatever. And she said hey, this June we go to Jeju Island. You know she's very excited about it because of emotion. Emotion reacts quickly. She's excited, which is good. And then she asked her husband. Shall we go? Shall we go? And the husband of course is a head. What does the head do? Think.
Jeju. Check Google , what June? $1,000 ticket. 5 kids, $7000. Every tourist site so crowded in Jeju. Peak season 2 million people there. Ticket also expensive. Everything's so expensive. Restaurant wait 2 hours. So, he's thinking you know, he's agonizing you know. To tell the wife he's calculating. But he doesn’t want to look stingy. All the husbands have to like, drama a bit, right? So, he says, let me think about it. Then the wife says, my husband, pastor cannot make decisions. I don't know why. 4 days already still thinking about holidays. He's like, he doesn't want to be the head of the house. I expect my head to lead. I expect the head to make decision. 4 days he still can't make a decision on one stupid holiday. She gets all excited and then she decides coup d’état. Hey kids, you all like Jeju right? So, vote, 6 to 1 Jeju. Of course, all the rest are so emotional, right? Holiday, why not? Papa pay, right? So, after 2,3 times coup d’état. What do you think the men will do? Any decision you decide. I think also you decided in the end. True or false? In most homes. You can go to 9 out of 10 homes the wife makes the decision, true or false? Very weak true. You men got no guts. All right, this is a gutless church, right? Men should speak up, all right? Say true! All right. What's wrong with you guys? Even you can't make decision at least have guts, right? So, after a while, the man has been overturned 3,4 times. Lost face 3,4 times. He decides, up to you. Where you want to eat? Up to you. Where you want to go? Up to you. In other words, coup d’état took place. De facto already. New head.
But is that a happy solution? No. Wife always grumble her husband never made decision, pastor. You always preached men head but he is not head, you know. Then the husband comes to me. Pastor, my wife, never submit. But the 2 never talk. So, they expect me to talk for them. That's why I'm here today, right? Okay, get it, right? Please get it alright? It may be funny but it is true. Okay, so remember. Heart emotional reacts quickly. Head takes time to do calculation. Calculation takes time now okay? Especially a lot of factors, you know? The more your husband is smart, the more he thinks, okay? You ask government. Some government people take months to make a decision, right? Because a lot of factors, right? Now, this is something that you have to. But men don't come and say, hey pastor, my wife so emotional. I said good, you married a woman. What's wrong with you? You marry a man is different, but don't marry man. Okay? You see, you marry a wife. She is emotional, just understand that. Right? And you'll learn how to work around the facts. Right? Honey, I know you feel very strongly about Jeju. I know these things. But you know, we do have budgets to work on. We do have responsibilities. We do have these things. Talk kindly and nicely and gently to your wife. All right. Don't be a coward, alright? Speak up. Okay? And when you learn to speak up and speak kindly, and learn to discuss things, things will be back. Alright, so wives don't sabotage the leadership, your husband. I know you don't mean to do it. But these are things that you subconsciously, because of education, because your mothering instinct, because you'll react quickly. You have to be careful that the devil doesn't fan those things. And take advantage of our weaknesses. Okay. All right. Simple. Wives, 1 principle only. Submit.
Husband principle 1 (Ephesians 5:25-26)
Well, now come to the men part. All the men here are sitting up. I head. Don't play. I'm the boss now. Well, thanks, PC, okay. Husbands, love your wives as a boss. Love your wife as Christ loves the church. You are boss, you're leader. What kind of leader? Servant leader. This is not what I thought. I thought I boss. Yes, you're boss as Christ is our head. What kind of head is He? Servant leader. If you like to count words, you go to the Bible. English word, if you put servant, maybe about 900 times. Depends on which version you use, right? If you put leader how many times you find in the Bible? Guess. 10 times less. Got it? All right. So, what is God always trying to teach us? We lead by serving as Christ served us. That's why we follow him. That's why we want to follow this leader called Christ. Because he served us. He came, he left heavens glory. The creator of universe came as a man. So, he could die for our sins. God cannot die, God cannot suffer, God cannot bleed. As man, he could. God became man, God man to go on the cross to serve us. You see, so when we realize we’re head, what kind of head must we always be? Servant, leader. You're the head and what kind of head are going to be. One that serves your wife, concern for her feelings, concern for her needs. Kind to ask, ask for opinions. But finally the man makes the decision. Almost any good boss in a company is the same. Ask the architect, ask the accountant ask the HR. Get everything and then the boss has to make a decision right? The head has to finally decide. But you listen. You listen kindly, you ask the right questions. Alright, so number one, boss. You will have a right to be a boss because you are going to serve your family. Now it's very hard for many of us, who grew up in a very cultural setting where the men does nothing. He just provides for his family, pretty common. His job just is just provide. At home just sit there like a towkay. Don’t move. Everybody serves him. He does nothing to help. That’s not the way we should be alright. So, principle number one is the same as principle number two. Principle number two is for those people not very spiritual. Love as Christ love the church. They act blur. They don't know how Christ loved the church.
Husband principle 2 (Ephesians 5:28-30)
So, we come to principle number two which is the same. Love your wife as your own body. Right? Very simple. This one everybody knows. If I walk a kick something, my toe fracture. Stupid ugly little black, little toe of mine. In fractures, what do you do when your toe fractures? What do you do? Curse your toe? All of a sudden you realize what a precious toe I have? You go X ray, this angle that angle. Ask a doctor to help your toe, put your toe up. All right? Every day you talk about your toe. Why? It’s part of you. If the toe doesn’t work, I cannot function. 1 stupid toe, I cannot get my work done. I cannot move, I cannot go cycling, I cannot play, right? 1 stupid toe and I'm done. Why do we treat our little toe which we forgot completely about? So, precious. Because now it got a problem. And that problem affects me. Now when you have a problem with your wife, don't say I have a problem with my wife. You say I have a problem with my life, get it? Because her problem would be your problem. Because there's no more me, it’s we now. Are you following me? Alright, she's a part of you. And everything that she is not functioning well. She's unhappy drags you down. It's not her problem, it’s my problem. And my job is not to say you are a problem. Hey toe, your stupid problem. But my job is to fix the toe. So, what do we do as husbands? When we have a problem wife like a problem toe? What do you do? Complain? Make it any better? No. Do everything you can. Everything in your means to help your wife be better. Why? Because even you're selfish and not spiritual. You will do it. That's, you know, God brings down the argument so low that even the most selfish fellow in the world can grasp this.
How can you have a happy family when your wife is not happy? How can you have a family that's functioning when there's war in your home. Cannot. Who suffers? I also suffer. So, every effort must be made to help that wife who you think is a problem. To get better. Right? So, it's never me. And you. Sorry, when you get married. Throw the me away. It's we, all right. Unless you're not a believer, you believe anything don't work divorce. We don't believe that. A lot of things in the world viewed as a throwaway society, but not marriage. And so, we believe marriage is forever. And my toe is always my toe. And I'm going to take care of it. Best I know how. Okay, so husband's, servant leader. All right. Just remember that. Servant serve. Number 2, no me. Why like that pastor? Oh, okay. When a person tells you, his wife is a problem, I said you have a problem. Come here. All right, and you need to solve the problems. And as a leader, you must take the lead, right? Initiative is yours. Whenever there's a quarrel who must be the first to say sorry. No quarrel got 100% 1 person wrong, the other person zero. There's no such thing. Could be 99 one 1. Maybe your wife started to scream because your face a bit angry, that day. You also got 1%. What must you do if you have a 1% error. If you're a 1% wrong guy. You're the leader, what must you do. Pastor, she's mostly wrong. Why should I say sorry? It's her problem. Why should you say sorry? Even if you're 1% wrong. Because you're the leader, you need to fix things. Are you following me? In a company, if the company is collapsing the welders fault. The accountants fault. You're the CEO, you fix it. Even if it's accountant fault, you fix it, CEO. Get it? The head must move. The head must take initiative.
Now every time there's a quarrel, I expect you men, even if you're 1% in error and your wife is 99%, in your opinion, you go and say, honey, I am sorry. For that sour look, I had two weeks ago and make you like this now. And then start the conversation. When the war is lost, the general is responsible. When a company goes bankrupt, the CEO is responsible, not the welder, not the gatekeeper. Not the everything, get it? All right, the head takes the lead. So, you're not just a servant leader, you're a real leader, you take the lead. Nobody should leave a quarrel unfixed nobody should leave a problem in the family unfixed and the leader must be the one to take the initiative. Got it guys? Not a single nod here.
Because you're not doing it. I know it because I've been a pastor long enough to know. It's her fault, pastor. This is your home, boss. And it's your home that's messed up, you fix it, understand? God's gonna count you accountable. Right? It is not fixed. Okay. So, husband principle. Love your wife, serve as a servant. Take initiative when things are not well. Don't sit there and wait. Alright.
Spousal principles (Ephesians 5:33)
So, summary of spousal principle, 2 very simple. Wife submit, husband love. 10 commandments most of you cannot remember, right? Even 10 also cannot, right? 2 can? Wife? Only 1 rule for you, submit. Husband, only 1 rule, love. I think we can handle that. 3 points sermon sometimes cannot, right? Child principle. Not many kids in the service. Right?
Child principle (Ephesians 6:1-3)
Child principle very simple. Obey your parents in the Lord for that is right. Not obey your right parents. Most parents are imperfect. We just obey them. Just like your boss, he often makes dumb decisions. You obey. Why? Boss. Simple as that. Right? We obey our parents, because that's what God expects from us. Why does God do that? Because it trains us for the most important principle in life, that goes into the verse. That it may go well with you and you may live long in the land. You say, what's that got to do? I obey my parents, I live long? You can live eternal, you know, if you obey your parents. You say what? Really? Of course, when you learn to respect authority, you come to church, you learn to respect the pastor. You learn to respect the Word of God, you will learn something that is very difficult for children to learn. It's called respect. Children are by nature, all of us are sinners by nature. We like to rebel. We don't like to be under authority of anything or anyone.
But by learning to be under authority to our parents, we usually learn authorities over us. Including the pastor, including the people ahead of you who teach you. A Sunday school teacher. Now if you can't obey your parents, if you go Sunday school, this teacher so irritating, so slow, so boring. You know, that's your attitude. And the chances are, you won't live long anywhere. If you can't respect your parents, you probably won't respect the teachers, you won't respect authorities. You won't respect the police, you won't respect anybody. You won't respect your boss. You won't even respect traffic rules and you'll get bang and you die here. It's very common sense. All right. So, it's a very common truth. Obey your parents is a very important thing. For learning life. Life is always about order. When God created the world, he created order. Order is about submitting to authority. All right. So, you first learn that by obeying your parents, okay? I won't go so much into that because today is not Children's Day.
Fathering principles (Ephesians 6:4)
Today is Father's Day. All right. But just learn that fathering principles. Do not provoke your children to anger. Okay, that's the first thing in fathers, dealing with children. Don't provoke them to anger. How do you provoke children to anger? By your attitude, often? Your unharsh tone unnecessarily harsh. Why? Many fathers are bossy. They talk to the kids. You know you go to a company where the boss treats you like dirt. You're not likely to stay there very long. Right? So, though you're the head of the house, don't provoke them by unnecessarily harsh words. Sometimes you need to be harsh. But don't be unnecessary. Don't provoke them to anger by always picking faults. How do you like to go to work and your boss never thanked you for anything you do? But take every little fault you do. There are some fathers who, why you always like that? The kids say you know, dad for six months I've been a good kid. I follow. But for one thing, I get punished. For what? Right? So, don't provoke them unnecessarily. Don't provoke them by you know, comparing them with someone else. Why you're like that? You're so short. You see your cousin so tall, then your son say my genes from who? As if like he can decide to be tall or short. Why are you provoking me like that? You provoked with siblings, you provoked comparison? I'm different. This is who I am. Right? Sometimes you provoked them because we get angry with them. And we just take our frustration out on them. It's so childish. Pa, I'm still a child. I'm 3 years old, Pa. You know, we say stupid statements like that. Okay. And very often, oh, when I was young, I walked 10 miles to school. I go hiking a bit you scold me now. I go out with my friends you scold me. Then you walk 10 miles your father never scold you? You know all this kind of stuff. Why do we need to provoke them? That's not necessary. Okay, so what's our job actually? Basically, the next line, discipline and instruction.
Can we combine the two words? Disciple them. The best way for fathering your kid is leave them an example. Because nothing is more powerful than a life example. You can say why you always like that?
Why you always lose temper, then you lose temper? It's no point. You don't have to say a word about controlling your temper. Try controlling temper yourself. And he will learn. He will learn that when things go wrong, you don't shout. Why? Because my dad is like that. The best thing you can do is leave them example of loving their mother. And one day they'll have a home where there'll be love because he will love his wife. That's the best example. Why do you have a home that there is submission because Papa learns to serve? My son watched me serve. And he realizes nothing wrong with that. In fact, that's a good thing. I like my papa to take care of my mama. I like my papa to be kind to mama. And you know what? Without saying a word, you can disciple them. Discipline is not do this. Do this. It's about your life. Spiritually. How do you disciple a kid? Sunday, I got to go hiking. You know, every Sunday. Don't go church, got hiking. And then one day your kid never wants to go to church and you say, hey, I told you Sunday must go to church. He looks at your example. You never really bothered with church. You never put church as a priority. You never read the Bible. You expect me to read the Bible. You never treat mommy well, expect me to treat my parents well.
Disciple your kids with your life. Every time you do anything at home, ask yourself this question. How is that impacting the next generation and the next generation? The best legacy you can give your kids is a good example of being a good husband, a serving husband. A husband who takes initiative, who communicates, who doesn't abdicate. A husband, a dad who set spiritual examples for me. Always could see daddy praying, could see daddy opening his Bible and reading it. See daddy serving. You know what, that's enough. You don't need too many how tos. Just your life. But I want to end by saying this. All this is very easy. I can complete everything in 30, 40 minutes. But it's a journey. And can I encourage the church, right? That some of you have realized how difficult it is, to be a good daddy. It's a journey. We are surrounded by dad examples which we had. Bad culture which is around us. Some of you may have this ministry of wanting to have a dad's ministry. We have all kinds of ministries. Bible study this, you know, cycling ministry, ping pong ministry, English ministry. What about the dad's ministry? I think dads need help. I think dads need partners, accountability partners. I think this is a very necessary, in fact it’s a critical ministry. Solid fathers. Solid families, solid families, solid churches, solid society. So, some of you I hope, at the end of this message, is yes, dad’s ministry is important. I think I can be a part of a dad's ministry. I made enough mistakes like PC. He made 50 years of mistakes. I made enough mistakes. I can share. I can share the struggles. Right. So, I hope at the end of it all, you will look at fathering, all you dads as a very important ministry. Do it well. Leave another generation of great daddies behind. God, bless you. Let's have a word of prayer.
Lord, we thank you for all the dads here. We know the devil is real. We know there is sinful nature in us, so quick to fall and do dumb things. But Lord, we pray that you guide us, as dads to realize what a critical ministry we have. You don't have to be so spiritual, not all of us are going to be pastors. Not all of us are going to be missionaries. But many of us are dads and we pray that you will help us as a church to come up and have an important ministry that helps dads become better dads. Hear our prayer Lord, in Jesus name, Amen.
More Episodes from Pastor Paul Choo:
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25 Dec 2022
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