Here in GLCC (Gospel Light Christian Church), in our preaching ministry, we are going through a series called Focus On the Family. We began this series by looking at how difficult marriage really is because we realise that marriage is about two sinners living together. And that's never easy. And then we saw what marriage is all about. Marriage is more than just having children or having fun. Marriage is about portraying the beautiful love of Jesus Christ for His church. And there is a beautiful representation therefore in each and every married couple here.

Last week, we saw that in marriage, God really has disguised it to be a perfect discipleship programme so that we grow, we mature and we become more like Christ in the midst of this context called marriage.

Today, we are going to switch gears a little bit and look at the rather sad reality of marriage. And we are going to see today, therefore, divorce and remarriage. I daresay this is not an easy topic to talk about because it is particularly painful and devastating and at the very same time, it is a needful topic to talk about because I am very sure, in your life, in your family, among your colleagues, among your friends, there will be people who have experienced divorce and are going through the pains of divorce. (1:34)

Let me start with a little video clip on divorce:

"A married woman : I don't know that we value promises as much maybe as even in my parents' generation and when we stood next to each other and made promises to each other 32 years ago, they were promises that we intended to keep come hell or high water.

http://www.presstv.ir/
: One in two marriages in this country will end in divorce. Now this is a sign of women & men exercising their free will like never before.

News in China : Divorce is on the rise in the world's most populous country. The Chinese regime's Ministry of Civil Affairs released figures this month showing China's divorce rate in 2010 is up 14.5% from 2009.

News in Singapore : The number of marriages in Singapore rose 12% last year from the year before but the number of divorces also increased and was up fairly significantly from a decade ago.

Karen Tan, a divorcee : He met a colleague and had a affair with this colleague. I tried to save the marriage by talking to him, meeting the girl as well, trying to resolve what's gone wrong and finding out what I have contributed to the failure of the marriage."

So we are looking at something very sensitive today. I want to start off by recognising this may be a very difficult message and process for some of us here because you are today struggling with marriage. You are thinking about divorce. Or maybe you have already been divorced. And you are lonely, you are hurting and you are struggling with life because of this terrible breakup in your marriage. But maybe you are today just wanting to know more from scripture because there are people around you who are divorced ~ your family, your sister, your parents, your colleagues, your friends. What does the Bible have to say about all of this? What does God have to say about divorce and remarriage. (3:37)

So I want to be sensitive here and recognise that this is a message, that I hope you will pray for me, that will be preached with compassion, sensitivity and love. At the very same time, this is a difficult message to preach because the views of divorce are as diverse as it comes. Throughout church history, different good scholars have had different perspectives, views and point or stance with regards to divorce and remarriage. Just as a sampling here : Tertullian (160-230) says you cannot remarry after your husband has died so you cannot remarry, regardless. And then Gerome (347-420) says you can divorce but not remarry as long as the (ex-)spouse lives. A familiar name to all of us would be Augustine (354-420). He says divorce is permissible but no remarriage (even after death).

Now let's move on a thousand years later. Zwingli (1484-1531), a well-known theologian, believed that the cause of adultery in Matthew 5 was intended only as one example (and not even the most serious one) to which could be added other legitimate causes such as abandonment, endangerment of life and insanity. So, you could see that these few men already have very different views. You add in Martin Luther (1483-1546), a familiar name, again. He cited adultery as the only cause given by Jesus. Desertion of spouse and family, he felt, was equally legitimate. He was also flexible on what 'just cause' for divorce entailed. Continual conflict, hatred, etc were also grounds for divorce.

John Calvin (1509-1564), a well-known theologian, again, like Luther, Calvin saw adultery as the one cause for divorce in Jesus' teachings. He also believes that if an unbeliever wishes to divorce a spouse on account of religion, the believer is no longer under marital obligation. In such a case, the unbelieving party makes a divorce with God rather than with a partner.

Some more thoughts from Calvin. His practice, however, was more liberal. His "Ecclesiastical Ordinances" allowed three grounds for divorce and remarriage other than adultery ~ impotence, extreme religious incompatibility, and abandonment. He also provided for annulment where a spouse could not, because of some physical infirmity, perform the conjugal act. (6:23)

If you are not already confused, let me add on. William Tyndale (1536), from where you get the Tyndale Bible, believed that only in the case of adultery, was divorce permitted. He viewed the adulteress as being someone under death penalty in the Mosaic Law, therefore the first is not bond to her any more and is able to remarry.

John Wesley (1703-1791) says he did not allow divorce on the grounds of cruelty. So if you are abusive as a husband, he believes that that is still not a ground for divorce. He allowed remarriage for the innocent party that was cheated on (innocent victim remarriage).

So, who is right? Who is wrong? So many views and so divergent. You could probably, I hope, now appreciate that it is not going to be a straightforward walk in the park. In fact I think, right here, right now even before we launch into the message that if I were to ask you about divorce and remarriage and you were to submit it on a piece of paper and I were to read it all out, it will show wide divergence in opinion. So I am under no illusion this is going to be a difficult message because you have come from different viewpoints and it is extremely painful and it hurts deeply. It is a sensitive topic.

But today my task is to bring us to the Bible, to the truth in God's word and discover, by the Spirit's help, what divorce, remarriage teaching should be like. And the best place to go to is, of course, the teaching on divorce and marriage by the Lord Jesus Christ. So this is the passage we will be looking at ~ Matthew 19 : 3-9. It reads "And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?" He answered, "Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh"? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." That's it. They said to him, "Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?" He said to them, 'Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but, from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you : whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.' (9:30)

1. Distortion : The first thing I want to share with you is the distortion that is found in the understanding of marriage, divorce and remarriage. The distortion is reflected by the words of the Pharisees when they came to Jesus. They asked him this question : "Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?" Apparently, in those days, they could divorce their wives for any simple reason. That's really what they felt. Can we divorce? We have been doing this. We have been divorcing our wives for any cause. So they came and asked Jesus if it was alright to do so. In Matthew chapter 5 this was what was being taught in those days. It was also said that whoever divorces his wife let him give her a certificate of divorce. So Jesus is saying this is what you have been teaching. This is what you guys are telling the congregation, the people of Israel, as to the requirement of divorce. As long as you furnish a certificate of divorce, you can divorce your wife for any cause. So that's how perverted, how distorted their views on marriage, divorce, and re-marriage have become. By the way, we have given you in our Voice, our newsletter, some statistics of marriage, divorce and re-marriage. And there you see that the commonest reason that is given for divorce is irreconciliable differences. Basically, it is a basket term that you can put it in with any other reason such as 'I don't like you'. So it is for any cause. Today we see that divorces occur for all kinds of people. Just this week I have been putting up in The Voice articles that I have read this week : "Beijing divorce rate has soared because of property tax. You say, how can property tax affect divorce? It is because if you divorce or if you are single before you buy a property, you get some rebates. People divorce for any cause today. In fact this week in Asiaone news, it says, 'Divorced after just three hours of marriage.' It's bizarre! It's extreme! But what we see today is not unlike those days where they distort the understanding of divorce to say we can divorce our wives for any cause. And all we need to do really is to fulfil the requirement of having the certificate of divorce. (12:00)

2. Design : Now, let's go to the design. That is the perverted way of looking at divorce and remarriage. But what is the right way of looking at divorce and remarriage? What was God's design for marriage? Jesus in Matt 19:6 says, 'What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate'. I love the King James' way of putting it : 'What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder'. So, the intent of God is very clear ~ no divorce. That is not what you should be thinking about. If you are joined in marriage, it is God who joined you. Stay married. Let not man separate. And Jesus then alluded to the beginning. He quoted Genesis chapter 2 verse 24 which says, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.' The word 'hold fast' is to cleave, to stick, to glue, to his wife. And this kind of union is so profound and so intimate that they shall become one flesh. You can't have a deeper and more profound description of union than 'one flesh'.

So the teaching of Jesus is : no divorce. In fact, the Bible tells us that God hates divorce but they have perverted it to say 'I can divorce for any cause. All I need to do is to give you a certificate. Jesus says 'No'. The original intent of marriage is No Divorce. God joined you together, let no man put asunder. God hates divorce. Why? Because marriage is supposed to depict and portray the love of Jesus and His church. So it is absolutely horrendous that marriages should break up for any cause.

But you may have a question right now, the same question the Pharisees had. They came to Jesus and said, 'Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away.' Now if your original intent is a marriage for a lifetime, why did Moses, our father the great prophet, the man who delivered us from Egypt across the Red Sea command us to write a certificate of divorce and send our wives away? Jesus, don't you think you are contradicting what Moses said?

So this is the question that they had. And that is why we need to come to the certificate of divorce. What is this all about, you say. If you didn't understand, if you don't know what the certificate of divorce is all about, Matthew 19 makes no sense to you. That's why you have to come to Deuteronomy 24 :1-4. That's where the certificate of divorce is mentioned. Here, look at these words carefully : When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favour in his eyes, because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house and so on and so forth. So we see this cert of divorce mentioned by Moses, posed by the Pharisees and answered by Jesus Christ. It is a cert of divorce written in a particular context and it is written in the context of indecency. What is indecency? Let me tell you the Jewish traditional view of indecency. To them the word indecency has expanded to such a wide term that includes when a wife talks bad about her mother-in-law or when the wife exposes her shoulder or when the wife speaks to another man or even when the wife burns the husband's dinner. So, they have extended this indecency to cover all kinds of things that the husband doesn't like. (16:03)

Now what is the meaning of this word 'indecent'? Well, you know the meaning when you cross-reference. Just a chapter earlier, in Deuteronomy 23 :13-14, it says here ".... you shall dig a hole with it and turn back and cover up your excrement. Because the Lord your God walks in the midst of your camp, to deliver you and to give your enemies up before you, therefore your camp must be holy, so that he may not see anything indecent among you and turn away from you." So, it is very clear that the word indecent refers to something filthy, something vile, something dirty, something repulsive. So when you look back, it means the husband has found something dirty, something vile, something shameful, something unworthy in his wife. You may think, if the husband catches the wife in adultery, he will write her a cert of divorce. Wait a minute. I dont think that is the case. I don't think indecency is really divorce. Why? Because when a person commits adultery, what does he get in the Mosaic Law? He gets ....death. He doesn't get a divorce.

In Deuteronomy 22:22, 'If a man is found lying with the wife of another man, both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and the woman.' Now this is the Jewish way. Therefore, in the times of Jesus when the adulterous woman was caught, they said 'stone her'. By the way, this is also very Chinese. When I grew up watching movies, the adulterous couple in the village will be caught, bound together, put into a basket and thrown into the deep oceans to drown : "Jen fu, yin fu jin zhu loong' (in Chinese meaning to put the adulterous couple into a basket to be drowned). So the Jews treat adultery with death, not divorce. So when you come back to this, it probably refers to some kind of shameful indecent acts that have not been full-blown adultery as yet. So, for such cases, there is maybe an allowance for the certificate of divorce.

But what is the purpose of the certificate? The certificate was written, or commanded to be written, not so much to encourage divorce but to tell them something. It is written so that when her former husband, who sent her away, wants her back, he will not be able to take her back again to be his wife. So the story goes like this : when the man sees something indecent in her and he has decided to send her away, he has to write this certificate of divorce. And when this woman leaves him, finds another man, marries the other man, and the other man also doesn't want her, and if the first husband got to know about it, he will not be permitted to take her back, regardless. So this cert of divorce is actually to say to the man, if you divorce your wife, you had better think very, very, very carefully because once you write this cert of divorce, you cannot take her back again. In other words, the cert of divorce is not given to command divorces. It is given to caution against divorces. It is not meant to encourage people to divorce. It is meant to discourage people from divorce. It is not saying, now you go ahead and divorce. It is saying, please, pause and think. (20:08)

The Jews, however, had totally taken this the wrong way round. They say, 'Ah, now with this provision, as long as I have the cert, I can divorce all I want.' Therefore, when they came to Jesus, they said, 'Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?' No, Moses didn't command you to divorce your wife and send her away. Moses said, 'Be careful. Think about it. Think through.' I suppose the illustration will be of a young lady who wants to go for an abortion today in Singapore. She is mandated under Singapore's law to watch a video on abortion. Why does the government stipulate that she should watch a video on abortion? To encourage abortion? Of course not! The video is given so that she may look at it and think twice about what she is going to do. The cert of divorce is the same. It is not that, with the cert, you can divorce all you want. You will have to commit to this cert so you will think twice before you send away your wife.

But the Jews, because of the wickedness of the heart, have taken advantage of this as a loophole, a cover-all kind of method to divorce, regardless of the cause or reason as long as they have this cert. Jesus says the way you treated this and the way you have divorced your wives is not because of Moses. Moses didn't write this to encourage divorce, but to discourage it. Know why you divorce? Because of the hardness of your heart. You were already doing it. You were already rampantly and blatantly divorcing like nobody's business and therefore this cert was given to warn you, to caution you, to cause you to stop and to think. But the design of marriage is 'What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.' (Mat 19:6). Jesus did not go against Moses. He was trying to tell the spirit and essence of what Moses was doing ~ to bring people back to the original intent. So let me wipe all this away because I know you all are confused. So let me do this in a chronological method : (22:57)

Right in the beginning, Adam and Eve were the prototype couple. They are the first marriage. And this marriage tells us it is God who joined man and woman together and according to Genesis 2:24, 'let not man separate'. They are to cleave together as one and it is a permanent one ~ one flesh, one lifetime. But man's heart is wicked so they wormed themselves out of this design of God and in order to justify it, they find this certificate of divorce as their excuse. But, during Moses' time, the cert of divorce is really to counter those hardened hearts. It is specific for indecency and it is not used as a command for divorce but a caution against divorce. Can I say that again? It is not to encourage it but to discourage it. Of course they twisted it. Fast forward sometime thousands of years later and what it has developed into during the time of Jesus were that the Pharisees have absolutely distorted the original intent of the cert of divorce and abused it. They abused it by saying that as long as you have this cert, you have an excuse to divorce for any cause. So when Jesus came, they asked him. What Jesus did was not to destroy what was in the beginning but he was here to re-establish the original intent found in Moses' time and Adam's time that divorce is not for any cause but only in the case of fornication. So if you take away the sinful, wicked responses people may have, what it will look like is something like this and Jesus is merely bringing us back to the beginning. So this is the design of marriage 'let not man put asunder'. (25:15)

Now let me then go on to the dissolution of marriage. This means the dissolving of marriage. Marriage is meant to be permanent. Marriage is meant to be life-long. But are there instances, or reasons or circumstances in the scripture given where a marriage legally and properly and even biblically can be dissolved in God's eyes? I believe there are. For example, in the passage we read in Matt 19, Jesus ended off by saying, 'And I say to you : whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.' The understanding is this ~ if you divorce your wife for a no-good reason and you now marry another girl, what did you do? You've committed adultery. Why? Because your original marriage with your first wife is not considered dissolved. It is not a valid reason. So if you dissolve for a poor reason, an unbiblical reason and you marry another woman, you are committing adultery. (26:25)

Correspondingly, if you divorce your wife for sexual immorality, it will not be considered adultery because the original marriage where adultery, persistent unrepentant adultery, has come in, but a justifiable ground, a biblical ground, by which the marriage can be dissolved, not necessarily, but permissible. Again in Mat 5:32, it reads, 'I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorallity, makes her commit adultery. Why? Because when she marries another man and the first marriage was never properly dissolved, she has committed adultery. And the man who marries her also commits adultery. Very simple logic. But if it is on the ground of sexual immorality, then that marriage could properly be seen as dissolved. The difficulty comes because there are so many views. One of the views is that, no, regardless if there is adultery or not, marriage is not to be dissolved. They say because God never divorces us. God never divorces his people. Well, in a sense, I understand where you are coming from but there is also precedence in God's case, if I may add. (27:54)


Well, in a sense, I understand where you are coming from but there is also precedence in God's case, if I may add. In Jeremiah 3:8, it says, 'She saw that for all the adulteries of that faithless one, Israel, I had sent her away with a decree of divorce.' Interesting passage. This is during Jeremiah's time and he is saying 'she' and this 'she' here refers to Judah. During those days, Israel was divided into 2 kingdoms ~ Southern Judah and Northern Israel. Northern Israel is really, really bad because they have committed adultery against God by worshipping other idols and gods. So Judah, the southern kingdom, has seen all the adulteries of that faithless one, Israel, which was committing spiritual idolatry and adultery against God, persistently so for 700 years. (28:45)

God called and sent his prophets to warn them and to call them but for 700 years they would not turn back, and in such unrepentant persistent adultery the bible tells us God sent her, Israel, away with a certificate of divorce. So it has been done, even in God's case. So when Jesus said ' I say to you : whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality,' is not saying something that is out of sync with what God will do. What I am saying here is that the dissolution of marriage, as far as I can see, is permissible on the grounds of adultery. Sad, but true. But this is not the only reason permissible, biblically, for divorce. (29:38)

The second reason is abandonment. And it is said here in I Corinthians chapter 7:15 'But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. In this case, suppose I am married to an unbelieving woman. Because I believe in Jesus and she doesn't, we are not quite on the same page. Now I am not supposed to say, 'because you are not a Christian, I am divorcing you'. You are not supposed to do that. But if the unbelieving spouse says 'you know what, Jason, I can't stand you. You are always talking about Jesus. I really do not want to have anything to do with your God. I want to part from you.' My response should be 'now let's work this through. Let's try to work our marriage together because I still want to be married. I still think it is for a lifetime. But she says, 'No, I want to separate.' Then the bible tells us, let it be so. In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved. So here there are two reasons given in scripture ~ adultery and abandonment ~ by which divorce is considered biblical or permissible. Let me say this : It is permissible, but not required, meaning, it doesn't mean that as long as it is adultery you can straightaway divorce. Not necessarily. You should work towards forgiveness. You should work towards reconciliation. It is permissible, but not required. (31:16)

Now let's look at some conclusions.

1 God's intention is for marriage to last a lifetime. You see, our problem is that we always look for loopholes. The Jews are always looking for ways to worm out of an inconvenient marriage. But you must capture the spirit. The spirit and intent of God is that marriage is for a lifetime. Don't keep thinking, 'Ah, if I could just get you to commit adultery once, I can get out of this marriage.' No, that's not the kind of thinking a believer ought to have. Marriage is to last a lifetime.

2 Divorce is permitted, but not required, on the ground of adultery.

3 Divorce is permitted, but not required, on the ground of abandonment by an unbelieving spouse.

4. When the divorce was not permissible, any subsequent remarriage (to someone other than the original spouse) results in adultery because the original marriage was never dissolved in God's eyes, in the first place.

5. In situations where the divorce was permissible, remarriage is also permissible because you are not bound, you are not enslaved. You are free, in that sense. Now I know that divorce and remarriage is one of the FAQs frequently asked questions in Christiandom. Even in our QA we are asked this question. (33:05)

So let me do this in an FAQ form :

Q1 : I am a Christian, but my spouse is not. Should I divorce my unbelieving spouse and try to find a believer to marry. (laughter). Why do you laugh?

A1 ~ No. Why? Scripture is clear. I Corinthians 7: 12,13 says, 'To the rest I say (I, not the Lord, as this is Paul speaking) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. So it is very, very clear. So if you are a believer and your spouse is an unbeliever, you don't say 'I want to quit from you'. You should live with him or her. Another verse you can look at is I Peter 3.

Q2 : I am a Christian, but my spouse, who is not a believer, has left me and filed for divorce. What should I do?

A2 ~ Your friend comes to you "You know I am a Christian but my husband has left me and has sought for divorce. What would you advise her? Well, the answer, I think, is this. If at all possible, seek to restore. That's the spirit. That's the intent. Marriage is for life but if at all possible, do that. If reconciliation is not possible then you are not obligated to remain in this marriage. Why? This is a case of abandonment. The unbelieving spouse departs. So I Corinthians 7:15 tells us that if an unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. But I think this is key so that we don't get all imbalanced just waiting for my spouse to say 'I want to get out'. And the moment she says that, you quickly sign the agreement. No, I think the spirit is that you want to restore and reconcile this marriage, as far as you can. But it is permissible, nonetheless, though not required. (35:16)

Q3 : I divorced my spouse for reasons that have no biblical basis. I just didn't like her face and I divorced her. And neither one of us has since remarried. We are living alone. We are not seeing anyone. I realised I was wrong and after your sermon I realised I should do something about it. But what can I do? I still don't like her face but what should I do? What should you do, then? Marry back? (laughter).

A3 ~ If at all possible, seek reconciliation and be reunited in marriage with your former spouse. Why? To the married ..... the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband) and the husband should not divorce his wife. (I Cor 7 : 10~11). So yes. Marry back. As best as you can.

Q4 : But what about this? I divorced my spouse for reasons that have no biblical basis. Reconciliation is no longer possible because she is now no more single but already married to another person. What should I do to demonstrate repentance and obedience to God's Word? Marry back? It becomes difficult. Now this mess is not because of God. It is because of sin. And you can have all kinds of permutations ~ marry, then divorce; marry, then divorce. Then what do you do now? There are so many of them. Do you chase them all back? It becomes messy because of sin so what should we do if you can't quite reconcile anymore because she is already married. Or he is already married.

A4 ~ But I think my answer will be though divorce is a serious matter, it is not an unforgivable sin (I John 1:9). In other words, we should confess our sin and acknowledge our sin before the Lord, and not only that, we should confess our sin to our former spouse and ask for forgiveness. Why? Because you have made him or her to enter into an adulterous relationship. Because, you see, your original marriage was not biblically dissolved. Because you artificially dissolved it, she or he has now married another person. So he or she has thus entered into an adulterous relationship and you are one of the causes for it. Therefore, we should confess our sins to the Lord and also to our spouse and ask for forgiveness. And because it is no more possible to reconcile, as far as I can see in the bible, it doesn't command you to take back your spouse that way. From this point forward, we should commit to honour God's word pertaining to marriage. Should you be married in the future or should you remain single. (38:10)

Q5: My spouse committed adultery. According to Matthew 5:32, I have grounds for divorce. Should I get a divorce because I can?

A5 ~ Think of all the ways we, as followers of Christ, commit spiritual adultery against God. You are not royal to him. We worship other things other than him. But God does not forsake us. His heart is always to forgive and reconcile us when we repent of our sin. So my suggestion to you is we can extend this same grace towards our spouse. Just as God has forgiven me, with the same grace, I forgive my spouse even in the case of adultery. And so divorce is actually permitted, but not required. That would be, I think, a fair way. It will be dangerous to say that once we have committed adultery, we should immediately divorce. I don't think that would fit into the spirit of it all. Marriage is for a lifetime.

Q6 : What about abuse? Can I divorce based on spousal abuse? I think you might have known of people in such situations. The husband is highly unreasonable, highly dangerous. He is abusive physically, emotionally, verbally. And to us on the outside as we look at this lady's life, you might say 'it is better for you to divorce'. Now does the bible allow for abuse to be a reason for divorce. What do you think?

A6 ~ My answer is this, and I think I stand on biblical ground : No, you can't. Pastor, do you know that he will beat her to death? You say he can't divorce her? I say 'No'. But that is not all the story. I believe, however, you may practise something called 'redemptive separation'. In other words, what redemptive separation means, in order to prevent further harm to yourself and greater sin to your spouse, you may have to live apart from him or her for a necessary period. I am saying 'her' because sometimes the wife can also abuse the husband. It's true. I just read about a sports star this week who abuses the husband. You may have to live apart from him or her for a necessary period. But this is not a biblical ground for divorce. I don't see it in the bible. So, what this means is stay apart from him or her because you don't want to be killed and you don't want him to be guilty of murder. But in your heart you still see that your marriage is not dissolved and therefore you cannot remarry another person. Now, unless your spouse, who abused you, now commit adultery and persistently does so, then it becomes a justifiable ground or permission for divorce even though it is not required. I think it is not found in the scripture although it doesn't mean that you can continue to stay and let him or her abuse you. I hope that answers this question. (41:48)

Q7 : Last question. Besides Adultery and Abandonment, is there another reason why a previously-married person can remarry?

A7~ Yes, when the spouse is deceased. And the bible tells us so. For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she remarries another man, she is not an adulteress. (Rom 7:2-3) (42:30)

As we close, I want to help you with some major thoughts or points :

#1 : My advice to you is, please, as a church, while I talk a lot about divorce and the reasons that are biblical for divorce; as a whole, please do not think about divorce but about marriage. Some of us are specialists in divorce ~ just thinking of divorce and when we can get out of it. The obsession we should have is how to stay in and not how to get out. How to stay in should be the way we think because that's God's intent. It is because of sinful hearts that allowances have to be made. But as children of God we should think as much as possible on staying in and not getting out. (43:28)

Another thing I want to say is, though I shared this sermon somewhat logically and technically, I want to express that I understand many of you today are hurting. If you have been divorced for a biblical reason, for example your husband has committed adultery, or your wife has committed adultery, I want to empathise as much as we can and say as a church, we feel with you and for you because a divorcee experiences pain and guilt and fears and loneliness like nobody else. A single person not married, or a widower, doesn't experience the same kind of feelings, emotions and loneliness a divorcee does. The pains, the struggles, raising kids by yourself the mess that you have been in and are in even right now. I just want to say, as a church, we embrace you. You not second rate. You are not second class. You don't have to run from church. You don't have to run from people. You don't have to run from God. God knows the situation you are in. He loves you. He accepts you if your divorce was for a biblical reason. Now if your divorce was for an unbiblical reason, and it is still reconciliable then I pray that by God's help that he brings a conviction to your heart today to seek forgiveness and seek restoration. It is important for you to do so. (45:00)

I end with a video. This is a story about a former TV actor. His name is Peter Yu Hong Rong. People my age and older will know him. Peter Yu was married to actress Quan Yifeng. They therefore have a famous marriage, and also a very infamous divorce. After his divorce, his life was in a mess. He came to know the Lord Jesus Christ. He subsequently remarried a sister-in-Christ. Recently, he was shown on a documentary with his views on marriage, divorce and remarriage. So, here it goes:

Peter Yu : " I was once an actor but am now a taxi-driver. Having hit rock bottom in my life, I changed jobs. It has transformed my entire life. I still remember it was Star Search 1990. A friend and I went for the auditions. I was accepted, but my friend wasn't. Many people got the wrong idea that Quan Yifeng and I became an item during the filming of Office Affairs. But it wasn't the case. We were professional in our work then. The relationship only began after filming ended. Her pub was near mine. Hence we would meet during filming in the day and sometimes meet at the pub at night. Our relationship blossomed and we went on to get married. But by the end of 2008, we were divorced. She said our personalities were incompatible and that it was meaningless for us to live together without love. I was ashamed of myself and I felt utterly useless. I was broke. I felt I had lost everything, even my daughter. I lost my purpose in life and wanted to end it all but had no courage to. I didn't know what to do. I looked up and pleaded with God. I said, 'God, please help me.' I had a wish. It is to one day look up my ex-wife and seek her forgiveness. I want to meet my daughter too. I would like to say sorry to Yifeng because regardless of who was right or wrong, it is all history now. However, I feel that as I have mentioned before, I led a foolish and ignorant life. I didn't know what I was doing. No matter who was right or wrong, it's all in the past. I see and comprehend the truth in this world now. I now know what's good and what's evil. I hope to seek her forgiveness. That is most important. I hope there will be no regrets over this." (49:30)

I just want to give all of us a little time to process all that we have heard and received from the Lord today. Are you divorced? Are you hurting, struggling? My friends, I would like to encourage you to look to the cross. There is healing at the cross. There is love and acceptance in Jesus. And if God today has prompted you to realise that your previous marriage was amiss, that there are sins that are unforgiven, sins that have yet to be confessed, accounted for between you and your former spouse. If God has spoken to you today, would you do what is right? Marriage is meant to be a beautiful portrayal of Christ's love for His church. How should marriage be? Marriage is for life because that's the picture of Christ's love for you. Regardless of where you are, where you come from, look to Christ today for your lonely needs, your loneliness and your struggles. Jesus is our very best friend. But whatever God has spoken to you today knowing that there is so much that we have to go through and with so many different needs here. You can come to God. He hears you. Won't you do that right here, right now? Marriage is Really, Really Tough! And Only Jesus is Enough! May your Marriage be where Mystery of the Gospel becomes Majesty through the Couple. Take this time to pray and ask the Lord to help you to be and help you to do what you ought to.(51:46)

"Father, we thank you this morning. I pray that your people will fight for their marriages. Not to cop out, not to quit, not to find loopholes but they will see your intent, your design for marriage and pursue it in spirit and in their hearts. We pray therefore for every marriage here today that are struggling, tearing apart. Would you by your spirit's enabling, by the grace that is found in the cross, bring it all together and heal it once again. We want to remember especially those who are struggling because they are divorced. They are living alone. Would you, dear God, comfort their hearts. And even through this difficulty, we know it's not a mistake, you have a wise and good plan. So I pray that our eyes will be lifted up unto you. Help this church to be a haven of comfort, support and love. And we pray for those who need to have that conviction to do what is right, to ask for forgiveness, seek restoration that you will give us grace likewise also to do it. May all eyes today see Christ. Lord, may you, by your gospel, melt the hardness of our hearts. May the love of Jesus change our lives. We pray in Jesus' name."