Father’s roles

Now if we understand these three roles in life, how to be a good dad, how to be a good mom, and how to be a good child. If we understand these three roles, we will have better families, and we have better families, we'll have better churches, we have better communities, we have better countries, we have a better world. There's only one basic unit for mankind. That is the human family. That was the first unit that God put together in the Garden of Eden. God did not put a school, did not invent a school, God did not invent an organization or a nation or a company, God invented the family. And if our families are right, our countries will be right, our companies would be right, everything would be right. In very simple terms, if we get these three roles right and help each other to fulfill these three roles, we will make a better world. We can transform this world by the grace of God, if we just understand our three different roles. So today, I hope that as I speak to the moms in particular, I hope that everybody will benefit because we help one another fulfill our roles. And if you're not a mom today, you can help mom to fulfill a role. If you're not a mom today, you can get your wife to fulfill a role. If you're not a mom today, you can help a mom somewhere to fulfill her role.

Now first, quickly, let's review last week, the Father’s Day message. What was the Father’s Day message about? It was dads, all fathers, have one duty: reflect the Heavenly Father. Your duty is to reflect your Heavenly Father. And in that short time, I could only describe three ways you could reflect your heavenly Father. Number one, your Father's love. Number two, your Father's Grace. And number three, your Father's guidance.

Reflecting your Father’s love

So quick review and quick assessment. All you dads, are you reflecting your Father's love more? You say, “How do I measure that?” Well, Father's love is warm and intimate. Have you become a warmer, closer dad to your kids? Oh, that's kind of hard to measure, too, right? Well, maybe we can ask ourselves, have you used your hands a little bit more? Not to tell your kid to do something but to encourage instead, to bond with your kid. Have you used your words a little bit more? To communicate with your kid. God is close, God is intimate. God lives in me. That's how close it is. How close are you to your kids? Asian Confucian dads? How close are you to your kids? Have you got a little closer in the last two weeks? I hope you have. Is your love unconditional? You say, “What in the world is that? Big word?” Well, an unconditional love is the love God gives us. In spite of who I am, God loves me. In spite of who I am, Christ loves me so much, He died for my sins. In spite of what I am, do you love your kid? And are you able to say to your kid, “I don't like what you did. That's wrong. But you know something? I love you. And I will always love you.” Are you able to see that your kid today? Or are you still saying I'm disappointed in you? Let me tell you, be very careful when you say I'm disappointed in your kid. Be very careful. You're basically saying you're disappointed with what God gave you. God gave you your kid. Why should you be disappointed? You should be thankful. You might be disappointed in what he does, but not who he is. So, I hope today, you as dads would reflect more of God's unconditional love, more of God's intimate love. Use your hands, use your words, come close. Don't be that aloof, Asian Confucian father.

Reflecting your Father’s Grace

Number two, dads, have you been more gracious? What is being gracious? Sounds like a kind of mushy word. Have you helped around a little bit more? Have you seen your wife kind of frazzle and struggling to do things, you just read the newspaper, watch you World Cup? Or do you help? Grace is about being gracious, extending help. Grace is about saying things kindly, not sharply, not sarcastically. Have you improved? Dads? Or is it every time you talk to your kid is functional and not gracious? Or to your wife for that matter?

Reflecting your Father’s guidance

And then lastly, guidance. Have you been a better guide to your kids? Not like this. The Bible says this, you should do this. When I was your age, I did this. No. Have you been a better example? What you tell a kid may never get in and if it happens to get in, it will get out. Be assured of that. But what do you example to your kids tends to stay and grow? Are you a better example to your kids? Jesus came to this earth to example a life for us. Are you exampling a life in your home? And then the older young dads I said, be good storytellers. Because God is the great storyteller. How do I know? The Bible is full of stories. Jesus was a storyteller. He said, He never preached except through parables or through stories. So, you want to teach your kids? Tell stories so they can tell stories. And so, you leave a legacy with your children of beautiful truths through simple stories.

Mother’s Roles

Alright, today, let's switch gears and let's focus on the moms. Fathers’ number one role, reflect God. What's mom's number one role: Be a help. Be a help to the father so he can fulfill his role. So, number one role of a woman very simply put in one word is to help. And today, I'll just deal with three ways you can help. One, be a companion to your husband. Again, I repeat, the best way to be a good mom is to be a good wife first. Because when you're a good wife, you live a good marriage, you live a good home. And that's the best thing you can give your kids, the best gift. So, number one, be a companion to your husband. Number two, be a help to your husband. Number three, help your husband mentor the kids. All right, so three things I'm going to talk about for moms today.

Companionship

So let's look at Genesis for the first one, companionship. “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone.” (Genesis 2:18) So just focus on that word for a moment, on that word ‘alone’, and “I will make him an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18). In reality, the man was not alone. Because it goes on to say he was surrounded by animals, millions of them probably. “And out of the ground, the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them. And whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all the cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found an help meet or suitable for him. And the Lord God causes deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept and he took one of his ribs, and close up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman and brought her unto the man.” (Genesis 3:19-22)

Alright, so number one, we learned a very critical principle that man should not be alone. Man was made not to be alone, because God is a social being. God never was in isolation. Before the foundation of the world, before the creation of man, God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit were together. God is social and he made man in His image to be social. And then he tells us here that Adam was made, and he had all these creatures brought to him. Beautiful birds, colorful birds singing the most beautiful songs, all the music Adam could ever want was around him. A little panda to hug, He had a chimpanzee to play football with do whatever. And yet at the end of that day, with all the fun that a circus, a super circus could give Adam, God said to him, “Son, you're alone you need a real companion, a real companion, one that will fit you.” And then he goes on to do the first anesthesia, the first thoracic surgery and the first cloning of a whole being, and Eve was formed. And he brought Eve to Adam and said, “This is your companion. This is the one that will be your suitable companion.” The word, ‘meet’, a help meet means suitable.

Alright, so let's look at this now. What is a mother's number one rule? To be a companion of the man. Let me show you a scenario of today's life or maybe some Adam’s time. Okay, this is the scenario. Young man has all his buddies, his friends and somehow doesn't satisfy him and he looks for a soul mate, a real companion. So, he looks around and wow, one day he finds the right one. Then we know something has happened to that guy. He's on the phone for hours. He can talk and talk and talk to this person, this girl he met, his girlfriend. And mom and dad will say what are you doing? Talk so long on the phone? What have you got to talk about? I don't know, we got a lot to talk about. Everything under the sun. And they talk and talk and talk. And that's the highlight of their lives, is the best time of their life, just to talk to the companion God gave you. And they hope this could last forever.

And then something tragic happens. They get married, very tragic. One of the great tragedies. And then lo and behold, she's no more going to be a girlfriend, she's going to be a wife. And all her focus now is on the wedding ceremony. Is the chair going to be white or pink? Table, the flowers, the everything and everything and this guy just happens to be around. This guy called her ex-boyfriend. And then they get married. And then they have a home and wow, there's so many things to do in this home, to set up this beautiful home. So much to do and career. And you know soon the boyfriend becomes ex-boyfriend. Now, husband. Kind of we do talk sometimes between our work, between our other responsibilities. We do a little talking.

And then the greatest tragedy happens. A child is produced. Oh my goodness. Now this guy is just an extra in the home. All the energies on this thing. Bring the diapers, faster please. And he's now just an extra, sometimes a help, sometimes a nuisance but not anymore a companion. And another kid comes, another kid comes and over time this guy who started alone, got so excited he found a companion, finds himself now alone again. Home alone. A lot of noise, a lot of things happening, but he is alone. And then sad to say 50% of time. statistics tell us, vacuums are not common in nature. Somebody comes to fill the vacuum. Someone in the office, someone he meets. He wasn't out to look for lust or anything like that. But the Bible says it's not good that man should be alone. He was created to have a companion but now he is alone. It's not that he's trying to be funny. It's not like trying to do something weird. And somebody comes into his life. And then we know what happens after that. First just a few jokes. Someone, hey, someone actually I can talk to, someone that actually wants to talk to me. And soon what happens is counseling begins. Pastor, I don't understand this. She's not even good looking. What's he going to do about good looking, it's about she got a ear and she can talk. I don't mind if she’s a beautiful girl and he left me for a beautiful girl. And I said it's got nothing to do with beauty, buddy. She just happened to fill a void in his life.

It is not good that he should be alone. And you know, it's like rocket science to many women, smart women, driven women, women who want to hold their marriage and want the best for their kids. It's like, wow, I never knew this. This is the first page of the Bible almost, you know. This is not hidden in Zephaniah or something like that. And these are Christians who have come to church month after month, year after year, and say I'm a Christian. And they don't understand. They thought Christianity is a bundle of truths you believe. No. It's practical, how you live. 50% of marriages will (break). Now, five years from now, I don't know. Probably more. But if you understand this principle, God will bless you. As you continue to be the girlfriend, of your husband, when you get married, you don't stop being a girlfriend. You just add a new role wife. When you become a mother, you don't stop being a companion and a girlfriend. You just add another role, but never forget your primary role. Folks, you start with two, at the end of the day you're left with two, you and your girlfriend but if that one you end up with is your ex-girlfriend, you have a hard time. How many of you are good with ex-girlfriends? You know some people say I'm so busy pastor when everything is settled, we can come back, and we can have communication. Don't kid yourself. Don't kid yourself. Communication with someone is not a switch you turn on and turn off. It is something you sustain with much effort.

Have you ever had a class reunion? I have class reunions every five years. I'm dying to see my old buddies and then when we go back to the class reunion for 20 minutes, we can talk about a lot of wonderful old things we used to do. How we you know cheated in exams, how we you know did all those things that sounds so funny. After 20 minutes, you run out of the same old thing to talk about, and you know something? You got nothing to talk with them anymore? Because you've gone here, and he's gone there, and you got nothing in common. And after a few more he ha woo woo, you wish the dinner would end. How many kids you got? Oh, good yeah, where do you stay? You know after that, there’s nothing in common. You see if you don't maintain communication with your girlfriend or your boyfriend, one fine day you have nothing to talk about. So today, all of you want to be good moms. It begins not with children. It begins with your husband. And it begins now. If you are 30 years too late, it's okay, by the grace of God, but fix it now. Be a companion because it's not good. That a man should be alone.

A help meet for him

Alright, let's move on to number two, a help meet for him. All right, can you see the word there? Help meet for him. It's funny, you know a lot of people make that a noun. I need to find a help meet. Help meet. It sounds funny. The word ‘meet’ just means suitable, appropriate, fitting. God said, “I will find a helper fitting for the man.” And then we go on to see in verse 20. Again, the word “help meet for him”. All right, in other words, man, God said, not only needed a companion, he need a helper. He needs a helper. Why does he need a helper? Is he helpless? I thought he was just made from the hand of God; he must be perfect right? God said He made everything; it was good. How come this guy still needs a helper? Oh, because it's perfect but not complete.

Let me give you an example right. To eat Singapore food, the most efficient and nice way to eat Singapore food is have a spoon and a fork. Now a spoon is complete? Not really, because if I try to eat a Singapore type meal with a spoon, it's not as good as if I had a fork. With a spoon, I scoop with a fork, I poke. Spoons are not good for poking; forks are not good for scooping. But they complement each other. They are two things that work beautifully together.

And that's exactly what God said. God said I made a man. He's going to be the head. We will see that in a moment in Ephesians. He's going to be the head and I made a woman from the rib of man. I perceive that to be, woman is the heart. One is the head; one is the heart, and we have a beautiful combination. I will almost say macro and micro. When you're the head of a company, you have to be macro. You have to see things from the big picture, helicopter view. You have to see things objectively then you're a good head. But people who are helicopter objective are often not very good with micro, small things. Very common for fathers to say, “My kids should understand. I work so hard in the office I make millions to buy the condo.” You know kids don't understand millions, they don't even understand 10. To a little kid, $1 million and $1 is not much different. And your father says, “You know how hard I work in the office?” The kid doesn't know what office looks like. I get so much stress, he doesn't know what stress is, what stress in the office is like. You know the father comes home and he has so many big problems in the office and he's so irritated by the small problems, but you know the little kid is overwhelmed by the small problems. The little fellow is concerned with the little things. “Ma, is too wet now. My pants are wet.” “Aiya, don’t be so fussy. It’s about the same la. It will dry in 10 minutes. Okay come on. Let's go.” Yeah, it will dry, that is objective. Things do evaporate. Wife tells you tuck the kid into bed. “Aiya, so big. Cannot tuck himself meh? Tuck himself in a bed. Just put the cloth under him and sleep.” It's got nothing to do with tucking. I resigned a $2 million deal in the office today only to tuck the kid in the bed. Are you okay?

You know something? Wives, help your husbands. They are blur. They may think they are smart. They do huge, wonderful things in the office. But let me tell you, they didn't realize their kid is not concerned with a million-dollar deal, he is concerned, did Daddy go upstairs and get my pants to change for me? That's all he is concerned with. Help your husband, help meet for your husband. You are the heart; you understand the little things of life. You can touch them in this area. Some of you very commonly say this, “Aiya, my husband is so hopeless I tell you, with kids completely hopeless.” So, they give up on their husband. Let me tell you wives, don't ever give up on your husbands, you only going to have one. If your shoes don't work, throw them away, buy a new pair. If a car doesn't work, wait for COE to come down, buy a new one. But if your husband doesn't know how to be a father, you're in trouble. There are many children who are brought up almost as orphans. Let me repeat that, I use the word orphan in a generic sense. My father had no father, he always said he was an orphan. He lacked a father. His father died when he was eight years old, I tell you, half of our children or maybe 80-90% of our kids are orphans in their own home. And who made them orphans, the moms, because instead of helping the husband, to fulfill his role, they write him off. And they tell him, he is hopeless, he doesn't understand kids. So, they take over and that is sidelined. And you know, the kid effectively grows up, orphaned. We feel sorry for orphans. Functionally, they are more orphans than you believe they are. So today, I say help your husband, to understand that the little things matter to the kid reading a story before bed matters to the kid. Wiping a tear matter. Bring the macro down to the micro because home is filled with microbes. And little children's hearts are a mess of microbes.

Danger, big danger here. When wives take over the role as helper for too long and run the family, danger. Helper becomes head. You see over there; a help meet for her husband. What is the word ‘help meet’? An assistant, an assistant, an assistant, not a head. But after they do it so often, a wife eventually ends up as the head of the house. So, let's move on to be careful about the word help. Help as hard as you can, but never become the head. And that's what God says.

Let's look at Ephesians 5:24. “Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” Just look at the word ‘everything’. This is what I hear from many wives. “Pastor, actually my husband is the head of the house. But in family matters, I am the head.” So, I say, “Okay, that's good. Sounds very fair. When's the last time your husband made a decision?” How come? Because every matter is a family matter. Where to go for holiday? That's a family matter. If not, the kids not happy, how? What car to buy? Oh, you buy this car, I want this car because the kids like it better. Everything is a family matter. And so, they say, “No, no, Pastor. I'm only in charge of family matters.” Other than your husband leaving you for another woman, all the rest come under family matters. Some are even more smart. Pastor, I just make decision on the small things. The big decision I leave to my husband, then I ask, “When was the last time your husband made a big decision.” And then I say, my next question, “Who decides what's big and small?” “I decide.” “Oh, that's interesting. That's very interesting.” You know what happens? When that happens, the husband slowly, just happens to stay in the house. He first left orphans. Now he lives a widow. Because it's your problem, you will make the decisions. He's not going to argue we are Chinese we don't argue, where possible. We like harmony. This is Confucianism. Harmony is the issue. So, let's not argue you do what you like, but deep in his heart, let me tell you, this woman, let me tell you this. Deep in his heart, he is not going to be happy. How do I know? How do I know his heart? Can I read hearts of men? No, because God wired him to be the head and when you take his role away, he is not going to be happy.

Let me give you an example. God wired you moms to nurse your babies, to care for your little babies. Imagine one day as you're holding your hugging your little baby, a person comes and tell you, you're not very good at it. Give me your baby, I will pass it to that lady there to take care, she can hug better than you and she got more breast milk than you. And you rip that baby from her and give it to that woman. Let me tell you if a mother-in-law did that, and sometimes they do, they rule over there. Years later, the unhappiness the resentment will build up. Why? Are they unreasonable? Is that woman unreasonable that she wants to fight her mother? No, because she was wired to care for that child. She was wired. That's her role. That's the way God created her.

God created men to make decisions. And you take it away from him, let me tell you this. He may not fight you, just like that lady, may not fight her mother-in-law. But let me tell you this. In due time, you will see that you fought against God and against nature. Let me tell you this. When there are this kind of situation I tell you, the majority of homes are like this. It started very harmless, I don’t think all women wants to rule their homes, I think women want men to make decisions. But slowly with the kids coming along and they don't, then typically men don't understand kids. That's truth. Women take over, take over, take over until one day the guy just backs off. Every decision, my wife takes, I just pay the bills. No peace in his heart, no real harmony in the home. But worst of all, no blessing from God. Because God said very, very simply. “Be subject to their own husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:24) You want blessing in your home, and you want to disobey God? And you expect blessings in your home? You know, the word, ‘subject’ seems to freak out a lot of people. Why should I be subject to my husband? Are you women being smarter than your husbands. True. Better educated, may even have better jobs and better pay. True.

Subjection has got nothing to do with superiority or inferiority. It's got to do with order. The president of Singapore has assistants, I'm sure and they are real smart. Is the President of Singapore the smartest person in Singapore? I don't think so. Is the President of your company, the smartest guy in the company? I don't think so. There are a lot of young, smart guys in your company. Is the principal of a school the smartest person in school? I think a lot of teachers smarter than him. But that's not the point. It's nothing to do with superiority or inferiority. It’s got to do with appointment. Let me bring it closer to home. Some of you kids are smarter than your dads and moms. You're more educated, more knowledgeable than your dad and mom. Does it mean you can disobey your Dad and Mom? Can you say why should I be subject to my parents? He never even finished University. I've got a PhD. My friend, it’s not about ability, it’s about God's order. And when women do not subject to their husbands, they disobey, not directly their husbands, but God. See this was not written by a husband's organization folks. It is written by God. So, what do you mean by subject? Subject means when the husband finally, after hearing all sides considering all things, loving his wife, loving his kids makes a decision. Accept it, happily. Don’t come with sulking, silent war. How do you like your kids to do that to you? How do you like when one day your kids every time you don't like something, you tell them. Sulk, don't talk to you for a week, hide in the room. You know why there's so many disobedient kids? They learned it, they learned it well, from their parents. So, I hope today, be a help, not a head. This is not new theology. This is from God, for you, in love for you and your home, God left this.

Mentoring

All right, let me move on to the final one. Okay, so we got companionship, helping and then mentoring.  Help your husband mentor the kids. Let me first rewind a little bit. All moms are good mothers. Basically, instinctively, moms feed their kids. First job a mother does is feed our kids beautifully. Milk. Make nice food when he’s a bit bigger. When he's older, make soup for him and feed the kid. So, number one, natural, first level of mothering, feed the kid. Second level, protect the kid. Oh, you shouldn't do that, be careful, you will get a cold if I could change your shirt. Be careful this, don't worry, Joho, there are a lot of guys who rob you in the malls, whatever. Moms will do all that, they protect you. And then number three, moms are very good at tutoring the kid, to do well in studies and hopefully in their jobs. But let me push it a little further and say help your husband, mentor your kid. And let me use the best example ever. Jesus Christ. You see, God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, not only to go on the cross, but to go and live a perfect life before us that we will have a real life example to follow. And so, let's see Jesus as a child. And we go to Luke chapter two verse 41. Let me read a very interesting passage of scripture and from this, we realize Jesus was mentored, not just mothered.

“Now his parents went to Jerusalem every year at the feast of the Passover. And when he was 12 years old,” that high, “they went up to Jerusalem after the custom of the feast. And when they had fulfilled the days, as they returned, the child Jesus tarried behind in Jerusalem; and Joseph and his mother knew not of it. But they supposing him to have been in the company, went a day's journey; and they sought him among their kinsfolk and acquaintance. And when they found him not, they turned back again to Jerusalem, seeking Him. And it came to pass, that after three days, they found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, both hearing them, and asking them questions. And all that heard him were astonished at his understanding and answers. And when they saw him, they were amazed and his mother said unto him, Son, what hast though thus dealt with us? Behold, thy father and I have sought thee sorrowing. And he said unto them, How is it that ye sought me? Wist yet not that I must be about my Father's business?” (Luke 2:41 - 49) All right. So, let's go back and look at his story and see what mentoring means. Mothering is good, it is instinctive. I don't need to teach you to feed your children. I don't need to teach you to protect your kids. It's in your DNA. But mentoring, there's nothing about Jesus being breastfed and all that because there's no need to teach that in the Bible. But this part needs to be taught because it's not natural. It's learned.

Picture the scene. Jesus is 12 years old, and he goes up to Jerusalem with the whole gang, the ging gang that came from his hometown to Jerusalem. Mom, Joseph, and Mary, Jesus and his cousins and his Kampong (Malay word for village) friends, his neighbors, they all go up to Jerusalem. They enjoy the sights and the scenes and the ceremony, and then time to go home and everybody packs up and goes home. And then they're walking and walking and after the Nightfall is about to come, after a day's journey about to settle down, it’s time when families regroup and sleep together in their little tents or whatever. Joseph and Mary said, “Where is Jesus?” Well, this is like 12 hours after they left Jerusalem. Whoa, panic, they went right back to the temple, right back to Jerusalem, scrawl around the place. After three days, they find him in a temple, sitting there calmly, not rebelliously. He did not rebel against his parents and run away. No, I want to reassure you, Jesus did not do anything that was wrong. Never. Never. He lived a perfect life. And they found him with the PhDs, may be in some special room somewhere. The, just picture the theology faculty of this super Bible School in Jerusalem. All PhDs were sitting down and discussing spiritual things. And Jesus was right there with them. Alright, verse 46.

A few questions to ask, question number one. How did he find his way there? Twelve-year-old kid. It's not like he just followed the other kids, I tell you no other kid was there. He found his way. He was not led. He found his way there. Number one, he learned independence. He knew how to find his way into a place that is not easy to find. Number two, he was there to learn. He loves to learn. How many twelve-year-old kids today love to learn? I mean, nobody dragged him there. Nobody forced him there. There was no fun. There was no games there. There was no iPad there. There was just serious talk. Why was he there? He loved to learn. Number three, he knew how to learn by asking questions. All right. Now let's see. Was this an act, that was wrong? Did he leave his mother side and run off, without telling his mom? That's wrong. I don't suggest that to any kid. And let's see what the Bible tells us. In verse 48, “when they saw him, they were amazed.” And his mother, note that mother, is not his parents, it is “His mother, said unto him, Son why hasn’t thou thus dealt with us? Behold, your father and I have worried for you and sorrowed for you.” And did Jesus say, “Sorry, Mom, I forgot to tell you. Sorry, mom. I got excited and ran off.” I mean, if he had done wrong, He must have to say sorry. But he didn't do wrong. He said, “Why are you seeking me? I thought all this time you were preparing me for this. You were preparing me to be independent. You were preparing me to learn the best things. You were preparing me to be a man and fulfill my father's job for me.” You see, Jesus was not rebellious. Jesus was doing what he was trained to do. And he was doing what he was trained to do. That’s why He say to His mom, “Why are you saying to me these words? Mom, you're getting excited. You forgot. You've trained me for this day. You trained me to be an independent boy by the age of 12. You trained me to seek good things, learn best things. You told me, “Son, go for it. Learn these things.” Notice it was a mom that said it. Because moms have a mothering instinct. I could almost picture Joseph standing by and saying, “Mary. You're the one that's been training him. And he's just a good obedient son. He’s doing what you told him to do. Cool it mom. Cool it Mary.”

You see, mentoring is about giving space at the right time. I like the point that it was mentioned clearly when he was 12 years old. Why? Because as a doctor, I tell you, the average age where our hormone switch is switched on by God is about 12 years old. That's a time when God switches on the switch to say, learn to be independent. Discover your identity, that I created you for. The two ‘I’s: independence and identity. That's right. He said, “Today you know, I must. I must be about my Father's business, not so much your business, not Mary's business, but my business, what you created me for God.” And how do I know Mary had given him a lot of space, because for a whole day they didn't even know he was in there. She had actually trained him so well, that she was so confident he wouldn't get into trouble in the last 12 hours of walking. He won't get lost, he won't run away. He won't do something dumb and get to a fight. She was so confident that it was only at bedtime, when it's time to check in, “Hey, where is Jesus?”. She had given him space to grow and be mentored, not mothered. You see, sometimes it's hard for mothers to stop mothering. You know, God allows pimples when you get hormones. You know why? It's kind of telling you excuse me, mom. No more a little cute baby. He's got pussy pimples. And there are changes taking place inside, which I, God did in his life.

The Jews have a ceremony called Bar Mitzvah. When a boy becomes an interim man, it is at 13 years old. When a boy stands up in the synagogue, and is recognized now as in training, trainee man, in training to be a man. In those days they were then, assisting the parents. Joseph was a carpenter, Jesus, then join the carpentry business and learn at the hands of his father. Of course, today we have so many more professions, so many more choices. But the point is this. At a certain age, mothering must scale down and mentoring must take over because God designed it that way, to prepare a man and a woman for a life where they will fulfill God's purposes in their life. It's not your life, their life. God created them in a certain way, gifted them in a certain way, wired them in a certain way for them to discover, for them to learn to make decisions and make mistakes along the way. So, they could make better and better decision so the day they leave the home, they have been experienced in making good decisions, because they were not mothered, but mentored.

Conclusion

Now today, let me end by saying moms, help your husbands. You love mothering. It's in your instinct, it's in your blood, I know that. But they need mentoring. I have a rule, I have an agreement with my wife, at 13, I take over. Thanks for mothering them so well. Now, let's make them adults. So, I hope today, you will be a help. All mums to your husband. Companion. Helper, help them to see things they may not see. Don't take over, don't make decisions, don't fight God and then give space for mentoring. Next week, I'll talk about kids. So, all you kids who are smiling today. Next week, you will have some wonderful responsibilities. And you know when we get it all together, dads know how to be dads, moms know how to be moms and kids know how to be kids, we can by the grace of God transform this world. God bless you.